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Member
Member Since Oct 2012
Location: London, England, UK
Posts: 270
11 23 hugs
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Mar 17, 2013 at 11:34 AM
#1
I think I've just worked out something really big... I've been really sexually confused for ages. I'm not interested in men at all. Like at all. I dont see the attraction. Ive tried being with men for the 'normality' but it just doesnt feel right and it doesnt feel like its worth the effort.
I've always thought I was gay, or known, deep down. Ive tried being with women and it goes really well and I really like them. Until it comes to the sexual stuff.. I don't like it. It excites me and I want to. But at the same time I feel repulsed and disgusted and I always feel dirty and guilty after. I thought maybe that I wasnt gay. I thought maybe I was asexual. I really didnt know what to think. But its just dawned on me.. maybe its because of everything she ever did to me (my abuser in the past). Maybe thats where these feelings arise from.. You might tihnk that sounds really obvious and in a way it does to me as well now.. but Ive never realised. Hopefully, its good. Hopefully it means I can deal with my past and be able to have normal relationships in the future. __________________ 'Sometimes you have to break down, before you can build up again' |
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 Big Mama, hamster-bamster, sugahorse1, tinyrabbit
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Poohbah
Member Since Jan 2012
Location: Northeast US
Posts: 1,014
12 242 hugs
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Mar 18, 2013 at 06:32 AM
#2
Sounds like a big epiphany for u. Congrats in being able to reflect on your experience and be open to things. Huge step
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Grand Wise Rabbit
Member Since Feb 2013
Location: England
Posts: 4,084
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Mar 18, 2013 at 06:41 AM
#3
I am wary of somehow sounding patronising but I think it's really important to recognise that sexuality is a process and not just a fact, or at least that's how I see it. Things you like or want now may change over the years, and you don't have to just make a decision (any kind of decision, not just regarding gender) now and stick to it. Maybe obvious, but worth saying.
But I think it's good and important to realise that negative feelings are most likely a result of stuff that's happened in the past, and that you can deal with them and heal
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Member
Member Since Oct 2012
Location: London, England, UK
Posts: 270
11 23 hugs
given |
Mar 18, 2013 at 07:52 AM
#4
Thanks. Yeah I know what you mean I'm still really undecided to be honest, but I do feel this was a big step to understanding myself.
__________________ 'Sometimes you have to break down, before you can build up again' |
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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