Can people guess another's orientation??

helenoftroy · Mar 18, 2013 at 06:09 PM

Hey all...I was wondering if anyone can guess a person's orientation?
As in know if someone is attracted to you or not, know if they're bi, or gay or straight etc?

I have a friend who has a habit of trying to guess people's orientation..she's like, he's gay, she'll go either way, he's straight, she's a lesbian but she makes out with guys...etc...would one have to know their own orientation before anyone else's? I haven't told her my orientation but I'm sure she's guessing? Maybe just to be nosy?

Inedible · Mar 18, 2013 at 06:27 PM

Lots of people guess, but frequently they are wrong. It sounds like your friend is way too obsessed with sexual orientation. My guess is that there is a reason why it is frequently on her mind. Otherwise, it wouldn't be the first thing she says about other people.

hamster-bamster · Mar 18, 2013 at 08:52 PM

I am not good at that.

I mean, if a man is clearly heterosexual, I sort of guess that right. But the rest... forget about it.

I had one professor who was gay and everybody got it much earlier than I did. I had to see a shelf full of books by Oscar Wilde and another shelf full of books on AIDS in his office before it finally dawned on me.

Maven · Mar 19, 2013 at 03:06 AM

I think Inedible is right on the money. Speaking for myself, if a man is "effeminate" or a woman shows masculine traits, I will probably assume they're gay, but I don't take a hard stance without actually finding out. Lots of gays don't fit the stereotype, so you can never be sure. I don't think I recognize a person's sexuality by what they own or are into (Broadway, Judy Garland, and Barbra Streisand are often loved by gays, but I don't automatically think someone's gay because they're into this stuff).

I don't care if someone's gay unless I want to have sex with them.

hamster-bamster · Mar 19, 2013 at 01:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Maven

I don't care if someone's gay unless I want to have sex with them.

I think that this is a great policy that prevents unnecessary expenditure of energy on purposeless curiosity and guesstimating.

Mar 19, 2013 at 09:13 PM

It's possible as people have guessed my sexual orientation (or at least guessed that I had some level of same-sex attraction) way before I had any idea whatsoever. And I've been told that from the moment someone met me, they knew I was at least bi. But I don't think guessing is all that accurate usually. But I don't know...some people are just more perceptive than others.

Mar 19, 2013 at 09:53 PM

I don't know if it's possible but I can't

And I really don't see any point in trying. I suppose you would find out if it ever became relevant.

hamster-bamster · Mar 19, 2013 at 10:03 PM

Helen, I think the way you phrased the question contains the answer.

People can GUESS all they want, but not necessariily TELL.

helenoftroy · Mar 20, 2013 at 02:08 AM

thanks all..it makes sense. but I think what I mean is, is there some clues or vibes gay people, bi, lesbians give off to the outside world that tells people.."Interested in same gender" when you dont open your mouth to tell them...I mean, Im also asking because people, even some who dont know me well, just assume Im lesbian...it gets annoying because I attract all kinds of attention- like random straight women inbetween boyfriends looking for female love.. I look and dress femininely but have some tomboyish traits. Im not masculine but not a girly girl either and have been told by both sexes I am attractive so I think it confuses people.

Mar 20, 2013 at 06:43 AM

Yes, there is some, but very little above chance accuracy in guessing peoples sexual orientation from their facial features. This might be slightly higher if you can also see their clothes and gait. However, statistically, you would have to be impossibly good to be most accurate when guessing anything else than "they're all straight" (because statistically and presuming the science is somewhat accurate, most people are straight and if you guess that certain people are not you're more likely to be wrong). :-) So yeah, you can guess, but it's not accurate.

Apart from buttons and rainbow flags I don't think there are any specific clues or vibes we give off. Some conform to the stereotypes, most people don't. I suspect those who conform especially much are actually trying to, consciously or not. These people are often not very popular with other gay people, as we're generally not fond of our stereotypes. I haven't been with other gay people besides my boyfriend for a long time though, maybe I'm inaccurate too.

hamster-bamster · Mar 20, 2013 at 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helenoftroy

I look and dress femininely but have some tomboyish traits. Im not masculine but not a girly girl either and have been told by both sexes I am attractive so I think it confuses people.

In-between extreme masculine and girlie-girl: that probably describes most women on Earth. Does not seem in any way specific to you.

In regards to confusing people: the most important part is that you are not confused yourself and are at peace with yourself. How you inform or mis-inform others is next and secondary in the order of things to be considered.

There is also nothing wrong in being extra attractive. If representative of both sexes have commented positively on your attractiveness, it means that you might have a wide menu of choices. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with that. Just make your choices wisely and that is it.

helenoftroy · Apr 01, 2013 at 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

In-between extreme masculine and girlie-girl: that probably describes most women on Earth. Does not seem in any way specific to you.

In regards to confusing people: the most important part is that you are not confused yourself and are at peace with yourself. How you inform or mis-inform others is next and secondary in the order of things to be considered.

There is also nothing wrong in being extra attractive. If representative of both sexes have commented positively on your attractiveness, it means that you might have a wide menu of choices. There is nothing intrinsically wrong with that. Just make your choices wisely and that is it.

Hamster, you're reply made me laugh...thanks for this!

Mike_J · Apr 02, 2013 at 04:37 PM

Anyone can guess, the trick is not to just be guessing..

Pandoren · 07:11 PM

I agree with everyone else... sometimes people can be "obvious", or sometimes there can be hints that might sway a person to making a conclusion, but it is easy to be wrong. For example, not all camp guys are gay. Not all butch women are gay. Funnily enough I was once told by a friend at college that I wasn't gay because I didn't look like one...

It's interesting to think really... I wonder what I come off as...

~Edit-
I had another thought. People tend to use confirmation bias as well...
Let's say that there was a boy. He once played with a Barbie doll.
In scenario A, he grew up and was straight. The Barbie doll is forgotten.
In scenario B, he grew up and was gay. The Barbie doll is used as "evidence".
Not just with other people... those of us that find ourselves to be non-hetero can often find apparent evidence in our pasts to match our identity if we look.

hamster-bamster · Apr 02, 2013 at 07:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pandoren

~Edit-
I had another thought. People tend to use confirmation bias as well...
Let's say that there was a boy. He once played with a Barbie doll.
In scenario A, he grew up and was straight. The Barbie doll is forgotten.
In scenario B, he grew up and was gay. The Barbie doll is used as "evidence".
Not just with other people... those of us that find ourselves to be non-hetero can often find apparent evidence in our pasts to match our identity if we look.

Thank you so much. This is very enlightening. Did not know the term.

I think it applies to non-sexual areas of life as well. Thanks again.

olive98 · Apr 03, 2013 at 04:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helenoftroy

Hey all...I was wondering if anyone can guess a person's orientation?
As in know if someone is attracted to you or not, know if they're bi, or gay or straight etc?

I have a friend who has a habit of trying to guess people's orientation..she's like, he's gay, she'll go either way, he's straight, she's a lesbian but she makes out with guys...etc...would one have to know their own orientation before anyone else's? I haven't told her my orientation but I'm sure she's guessing? Maybe just to be nosy?

At school boys pay us girls big $$ to french kiss and they think i'm bi because i french kiss, but its only because of money. But i could be bi [the kisses are nice because my friends lips are nicely shaped] but never done nudey things with a girl except for shower etc

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Inedible Grand Member Member Since Jun 2011 Posts: 837 12	Mar 18, 2013 at 06:27 PM #2 Lots of people guess, but frequently they are wrong. It sounds like your friend is way too obsessed with sexual orientation. My guess is that there is a reason why it is frequently on her mind. Otherwise, it wouldn't be the first thing she says about other people.
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hamster-bamster Account Suspended Member Since Sep 2011 Location: Northern California Posts: 14,805 (SuperPoster!) 12 3,729 hugs given	Mar 18, 2013 at 08:52 PM #3 I am not good at that. I mean, if a man is clearly heterosexual, I sort of guess that right. But the rest... forget about it. I had one professor who was gay and everybody got it much earlier than I did. I had to see a shelf full of books by Oscar Wilde and another shelf full of books on AIDS in his office before it finally dawned on me.
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Anonymous37781 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 19, 2013 at 09:53 PM #7 I don't know if it's possible but I can't And I really don't see any point in trying. I suppose you would find out if it ever became relevant.
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hamster-bamster Account Suspended Member Since Sep 2011 Location: Northern California Posts: 14,805 (SuperPoster!) 12 3,729 hugs given	Mar 19, 2013 at 10:03 PM #8 Helen, I think the way you phrased the question contains the answer. People can GUESS all they want, but not necessariily TELL.
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Mike_J Infamous Vampire Duck Community Liaison Member Since Dec 2009 Location: Mid West Posts: 12,742 (SuperPoster!) 14 961 hugs given	Apr 02, 2013 at 04:37 PM #13 Anyone can guess, the trick is not to just be guessing.. __________________ “If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. ... We need not wait to see what others do.” Gandhi
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