Advice and help

I am in a relationship with my bf for 2 years. He's normal weight. And I am overweight. And my bf has been watching porn. And as for me I get overly jealous. I don't want this jealously, because it has made us fight. I don't want to fight. I want to deal with my bf watching porn. I get that feeling that i am not good for him, or where hes not into me. There's times I've joined him watching it but he sometimes gets embarrassed or ashamed of me knowing he watches it. I enjoy it with him too. but i also dont want him to have that ashamed, or embarrassed feeling of me knowing. I just want to get over the jealously, and the feelings. Someone please help. And make it where I understand 100% of what your saying.

Well, I can tell you have tried to like the porn, but I'm wondering why it bothers him to have you watch it with him. I assume he would like to use it to have fun with himself while watching it. And your being with him prevents him from doing so. That's my guess, anyway.

Of course, all the girls on it are going to be smaller. Frankly it would bother me if I knew my husband would rather "do it" while watching other woman than have sex with me. Has he ever mentioned being bothered by your weight? Has he always been into porn or is it a more recent thing?

Alas, it can be an addiction. I don't know any magic words to get you to the point where it doesn't bother you, except perhaps if you think about it this way: 1) He really isn't cheating on you, since these are just images on a screen and 2) He is staying with you and married you--not them. (I am assuming your sex life is okay--in that, I mean, he is still having sex with you.)

Your problem is that you lack confidence and self-esteem. There's nothing wrong with being a bit overweight; and your boyfriend is still with you, right? So I don't think it's a problem for him. If it's a problem for you, try to change your diet and exercise, so you can lose the weight. But even if you do, you still need to work on your attitude towards yourself. Some guys like to watch porn alone, but I do think it's nice that you try to enjoy it with him. I think you need to learn to like you. You're worth love and deserve happiness.

The problem is in your attitude.

Many years ago, I knew a young couple who lived in the same apartment complex with me. She was an extremely skinny flat-chested woman with a round face and long peroxided straight hair. He obviously liked her that way because otherwise he would not have married her.

He actually placed a Playboy calendar in the living room, which was a bit unusual. The models in the Playboy calendar fit the industry standard - in other words, were a bit plump compared with the wife. Some of them had dark hair. At that time it surprised me, because the only time I ever saw anything similar was even earlier, with one of my boyfriends at age 20 or something, and the guy cut out a picture of a topless Italian singer and pinned it up on the wall in his bedroom, saying to me "She looks like you". She indeed was of a similar shape. So I was surprised when I saw the neighbor guy liking women of such drastically different shapes - the one in real life and the others in print.


Conclusion:

Some men prefer the same shape throughout and some do not, and that is OK.

Forgot to mention that the couple - my former neighbors described above - conceived a baby due to a condom fracture when we were living in the university housing together, so they must have been sexually active.

Payne, I do not think you know what you are talking about. You post a lot about porn and masturbation but I have an impression that you sort of approach it from a theoretical standpoint, not knowing the reality.

Porn sites, as of several years ago when I last looked at them (I was involved in the technology of porn filtering and that meant getting some superficial familiarity with porn), are organized by areas of interest. Some are very broad, with lots of options. Some are super specialized. I once saw a Swedish porn site that was dedicated JUST TO FAT GAY MALES. Just porn with fat gay males.

All sorts of body shapes are represented, as well as all sorts of interests and inclinations. It is quite diverse and I would suggest that you take a look to obtain at least some very cursory familiarity before you make further assumptions.

I think that you have probably seen Playboy and are confusing online porn with Playboy. Playboy is focused on some sort of an industry standard (well was many many years ago when I last looked at it - maybe they have made leaps and bounds towards diversity since then but I have not kept abreast of their developments). Women on Playboy centerfolds look similar to one another, in terms of body shape.

Online porn is not like that. It may be skewed towards Playboy-like shapes and sizes in terms of the degree of representation, but it is just a matter of degree. To a lesser extent, but all body shapes are represented.

And then there is a whole world of amateur porn (which used to be growing but I do not know the current trends/stats) and that is even more diverse.