whats it like to live with a man?

Mar 29, 2013 at 03:24 AM

I agree with the above posters and want to point out that the fact I didn't do what was best for me at age 18, but did it based on the fact that I could not legally be forbidden, means that I was acting immaturely. I was a legal adult, but I wasn't thinking like one. Therefore the "age is just a number" argument, before it gets made, was irrelevant in my case. If I had been mature enough to do what was best for me, which would have meant not moving in with an older alcoholic who abused me, who by the way I had met only the day before, *then* age would have been just a number.

Skully · Mar 29, 2013 at 03:36 AM

I find it a pain in the arse. I am an independent person and don't like having to answer to anyone. Now, of course, it depends on the man as well. If you have similar interests and get along well it will probably be ok. But, there will be issues...that's a given. I just don't like being questioned when I walk in the door an hour later than usual from work. I hate having to explain myself to someone else and like to do what I want when I want. All depends on you and how you get along with your man.

Nicks_Nose · Mar 29, 2013 at 08:33 AM

I dated a man who was older than my father and it eventually felt like he was looking for an image to boost his esteem and looking for a woman to "take care" of him so he would not have to be self reliant on "trivial" matters like cooking and cleaning. I told him to hire a domestic helper if that was what he wanted. Our ages did make a difference too in how we saw what was important in life. I wanted to plan my life that still lay before me and he was looking to be comfy and go nowhere.

Age difference does influence each person's perspective in life. Often the differences influence how we see situations and can cause strife when perspectives differ. One person has lived life longer than another and their physical abilities influence what they can or cannot do as well as they used to, or one has seen enough and is more satisfied with life while the other is still curious and longing to experience things. Either the older one cannot keep up like they wish they could or the younger one is getting bored with the lack of enthusiasm or energy of the older partner.

I would recommend experiencing a bit of life and trying more options before you settle into domesticity.

tinyrabbit · Mar 29, 2013 at 09:12 AM

My marriage works because I looked for the right person. I was in an awful relationship from age 18 to 25.

I feel guilty now as I'm dealing with a lot of old stuff in T and my hubby is having to do so much as I'm struggling - my achievements yesterday were getting out of bed, putting on one load of laundry and going to my Zumba class.

But as he says, marriage is about give AND take.

olive98 · Mar 29, 2013 at 10:29 AM

I could never go with a boy my age cos in the last couple of years i got forced to undress and was touched privately by a boy my age that i trusted and was my friend for years! and then another thing happened this year by a teen at a pool party under the water, so i never want to be close with teen boys its too unpredictable and scary :s

olive98 · Mar 29, 2013 at 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poptart316

39 is too old for someone whose 18, heck it's too old for me and I'm 24! You need to find someone around your own age... you'll have absolutely nothing in common with a 39 year old, you're completely different stages in life.

We talked for more than an hour last night after he came home, and he could have asked me to go home but instead talked for more than hour and he asked me questions over and over and over about everything like tennis and fashion and school. He likes the things i like

shortandcute · Mar 29, 2013 at 10:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by George H.

When she starts putting it up I'll think about putting it down

Good point!

Kendyll · Mar 29, 2013 at 11:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olive98

I could never go with a boy my age cos in the last couple of years i got forced to undress and was touched privately by a boy my age that i trusted and was my friend for years! and then another thing happened this year by a teen at a pool party under the water, so i never want to be close with teen boys its too unpredictable and scary :s

Did you tell anyone about that? You should. That's not right, and it could even be illegal for them to do those things to you. You always have the right to say no - no matter how old or young or "friends" or not.

I have a great relationship with my husband. We are like partners for everything. But he's almost exactly my age and we're both in our 40's. At fifteen I didn't know as much about life and partnership and friendship and sharing as I do now. I had a lot of learning to do before I was ready for a real, loving, committed relationship. I had crushes on older guys and I thought I was in love, but that wasn't real love. I wanted some happy fairy tale romance thing, and that's just not how real relationships are. There's a lot of work and compromise and not getting things all my way. It's still really great to have someone I can talk to and snuggle with and share my happys and sads with. But that's not all there is. There's farts and puking and moldy cheese in the fridge and dirty dishes and bills and broken sinks, too.

I'm having trouble following this whole thread... does this older guy have a wife? If he does, then he already has a relationship and doesn't need another one. And if he DOES want another one, that's not good. If a guy is already in a relationship, and then he wants one with you, too. That's not fair to the first relationship at all. I mean, how would you like to be with somebody, then find out they really wanted to be with somebody else? What if your partner LEFT you for someone else? How would you feel? And would you want to do that to anyone else?

I think you are a bit too young for this sort of thing, myself. Life was a lot different when I was fifteen than it was when I was twenty. And it's a lot different now. I'M a lot different, and the boyfriend I wanted when I was fifteen is NOT the sort of guy I want to be with today. You have a lot of time to grow and learn and develop a good relationship with YOURSELF before you need to worry about developing a relationship with anyone else.

krisakira · Mar 29, 2013 at 12:06 PM

I have lived with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and despite people basically saying it's overrated, it's great for me. I go to school, but when I come home, we can hug and kiss whenever we want. I can randomly just go up to him and give him a great big hug. Whenever I feel like it. Unless he's asleep, in which I need to respect his time to rest. Being with my boyfriend so much is great, really. I wouldn't have it any other way. He snores, but that is what a couch is for. If his snoring bothers me, I sleep on the couch. It's not a horrible situation at all. The couch is pretty comfortable. Waking up next to my boyfriend is the best. He makes me not want to get out of bed to go to school hehe. He doesn't work; he is trying to get on disability. When we watch tv, we have to watch in the bedroom because we live with his mom who uses the living room. But that just means we are on the bed whenever we watch tv, and I can cuddle up next to him and he will hold me all afternoon. I wouldn't have it any other way.

olive98 · Mar 29, 2013 at 01:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kendyll

Did you tell anyone about that? You should. That's not right, and it could even be illegal for them to do those things to you. You always have the right to say no - no matter how old or young or "friends" or not.

I have a great relationship with my husband. We are like partners for everything. But he's almost exactly my age and we're both in our 40's. At fifteen I didn't know as much about life and partnership and friendship and sharing as I do now. I had a lot of learning to do before I was ready for a real, loving, committed relationship. I had crushes on older guys and I thought I was in love, but that wasn't real love. I wanted some happy fairy tale romance thing, and that's just not how real relationships are. There's a lot of work and compromise and not getting things all my way. It's still really great to have someone I can talk to and snuggle with and share my happys and sads with. But that's not all there is. There's farts and puking and moldy cheese in the fridge and dirty dishes and bills and broken sinks, too.

I'm having trouble following this whole thread... does this older guy have a wife? If he does, then he already has a relationship and doesn't need another one. And if he DOES want another one, that's not good. If a guy is already in a relationship, and then he wants one with you, too. That's not fair to the first relationship at all. I mean, how would you like to be with somebody, then find out they really wanted to be with somebody else? What if your partner LEFT you for someone else? How would you feel? And would you want to do that to anyone else?

I think you are a bit too young for this sort of thing, myself. Life was a lot different when I was fifteen than it was when I was twenty. And it's a lot different now. I'M a lot different, and the boyfriend I wanted when I was fifteen is NOT the sort of guy I want to be with today. You have a lot of time to grow and learn and develop a good relationship with YOURSELF before you need to worry about developing a relationship with anyone else.

I never told anyone because it was my fault because i did not know that friends can see you as more than friends. i thought because he was just a friend i could wear anything and he would not see me as a 'girl'. he was helping me with homework and my parents weren't home and i was in my nightie with no underwear and he pushed my nightie off and fing*r*d and he said i wanted it coz i was w*t.
And at a pool party this year i never told anyone about a boy that i never knew before and only met at the pool party [under water he rubbed his p*nis on my bottom] but i never went to a party ever again.

i know girls who get crushes on older guys as you do but mine seems different. i have a biology problem where my breathing and secret place were reacting to older guys a lot cos that's my strange problem that i want to make love to the guys that i have a crush on. it happened since the pool party event. i agree i don't know about life and partnership and friendship and sharing. but i still want my boss really badly

and i wish i could be in his arms every day so that's why i think of marriage. but i guess i could settle for just living with him cos its similar

as long as he never leaves me. his wife died when she was giving birth to his son

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisakira

I have lived with my boyfriend for almost 3 years, and despite people basically saying it's overrated, it's great for me. I go to school, but when I come home, we can hug and kiss whenever we want. I can randomly just go up to him and give him a great big hug. Whenever I feel like it. Unless he's asleep, in which I need to respect his time to rest. Being with my boyfriend so much is great, really. I wouldn't have it any other way. He snores, but that is what a couch is for. If his snoring bothers me, I sleep on the couch. It's not a horrible situation at all. The couch is pretty comfortable. Waking up next to my boyfriend is the best. He makes me not want to get out of bed to go to school hehe. He doesn't work; he is trying to get on disability. When we watch tv, we have to watch in the bedroom because we live with his mom who uses the living room. But that just means we are on the bed whenever we watch tv, and I can cuddle up next to him and he will hold me all afternoon. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Your relationship is really fun-sounding, i like it a lot

nanettetron · Mar 29, 2013 at 01:30 PM

My husband and I have a lot in common. We have had our ups and downs.
I love not being a lone and having someone to share my love with. We have a son together and Praise God he is fine and healthy and normal that is a blessing. It is good to share your life with someone it gives you purpose and a channel for God's love to get you and love you through that person and for you to love back and give something back to the world.

Pick the right person and you will have a better more fullfilled life I think.
Smell the sunshine. Love someone today. and Pray for God to bless you and
encourage and love the Lord today!

olive98 · Mar 29, 2013 at 01:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nanettetron

My husband and I have a lot in common. We have had our ups and downs.
I love not being a lone and having someone to share my love with. We have a son together and Praise God he is fine and healthy and normal that is a blessing. It is good to share your life with someone it gives you purpose and a channel for God's love to get you and love you through that person and for you to love back and give something back to the world.

Pick the right person and you will have a better more fullfilled life I think.
Smell the sunshine. Love someone today. and Pray for God to bless you and
encourage and love the Lord today!

But i know a lot of religious people who pray and they have really big problems and are not happy, one even lost a brother to murder. i think its just good luck and bad luck whether you pray or not

Meisjes · Mar 29, 2013 at 01:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olive98

I could never go with a boy my age cos in the last couple of years i got forced to undress and was touched privately by a boy my age that i trusted and was my friend for years! and then another thing happened this year by a teen at a pool party under the water, so i never want to be close with teen boys its too unpredictable and scary :s

sorry olive but it doesn't just happen with teen boys. Older men can be even more aggressive and have stronger body builds to restrain when they want something. it sounds like you really need to deal with those incidents from the past and get a good grasp on how that affected you before you go into any more relationships and find yourself in the same boat yet again. You do have the right to say no! and stick to your guns. So know your own standards so you are not going out there blindly trusting men, thinking an older man will respect you better. Dreaming and fantasizing, while fun and healthy in its own way, does not get you into a healthy relationship.

Meisjes · Mar 29, 2013 at 01:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olive98

We talked for more than an hour last night after he came home, and he could have asked me to go home but instead talked for more than hour and he asked me questions over and over and over about everything like tennis and fashion and school. He likes the things i like

Perhaps he is being a gentleman and knows that you are too young, and trying to show you he respects you. That not every relationship has to be sexual just because there's an attraction. If he's asking you question over and over about your activities it seems he may be steering the relationship away from being intimate. After all he is your boss. Not ethical to be dating your co-workers and does not want to take advantage of his employee. He's maybe just not said that much verbally. But if you keep pursuing he may just do that.

Mar 29, 2013 at 09:03 PM

Olive, I've had men in their 70's and 80's make passes at me. Age doesn't stop them from doing that. The boy who abused you didn't do it simply because he was a teenage boy instead of an older man. In fact, he'll keep on doing that when he gets older, if he's allowed to get away with it.

olive98 · Mar 29, 2013 at 10:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meisjes

sorry olive but it doesn't just happen with teen boys. Older men can be even more aggressive and have stronger body builds to restrain when they want something. it sounds like you really need to deal with those incidents from the past and get a good grasp on how that affected you before you go into any more relationships and find yourself in the same boat yet again. You do have the right to say no! and stick to your guns. So know your own standards so you are not going out there blindly trusting men, thinking an older man will respect you better. Dreaming and fantasizing, while fun and healthy in its own way, does not get you into a healthy relationship.

I will just run away if it happens again. i was really surprised cos it was a close friend but i know now to be aware. i am dumbbbbb because before his year i was cuddling male friends on their laps [not for romance but just because they are a lot taller than me so its easy] and now i know they have feelings for me in a gf/bf type way even though they are my friends

If i'm too stupid to be my bosses new wife maybe i can be his girlfriend [when i'm 18 of course]. i have to make love to someone and i trust him more than anyone

olive98 · Mar 29, 2013 at 10:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Meisjes

Perhaps he is being a gentleman and knows that you are too young, and trying to show you he respects you. That not every relationship has to be sexual just because there's an attraction. If he's asking you question over and over about your activities it seems he may be steering the relationship away from being intimate. After all he is your boss. Not ethical to be dating your co-workers and does not want to take advantage of his employee. He's maybe just not said that much verbally. But if you keep pursuing he may just do that.

Exactly! my boss likes me for me

unlike the teen boys

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lovebird

Olive, I've had men in their 70's and 80's make passes at me. Age doesn't stop them from doing that. The boy who abused you didn't do it simply because he was a teenage boy instead of an older man. In fact, he'll keep on doing that when he gets older, if he's allowed to get away with it.

Maybe

Mar 30, 2013 at 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olive98

I will just run away if it happens again. i was really surprised cos it was a close friend but i know now to be aware. i am dumbbbbb because before his year i was cuddling male friends on their laps [not for romance but just because they are a lot taller than me so its easy] and now i know they have feelings for me in a gf/bf type way even though they are my friends

If i'm too stupid to be my bosses new wife maybe i can be his girlfriend [when i'm 18 of course]. i have to make love to someone and i trust him more than anyone

Oh, this really concerns me. I don't mean to harp on you or nag you, but there are a few things problematic here.

1. Not being your boss's new wife wouldn't necessarily have anything to do with being stupid. He's old enough to be your father and his worldview is entirely different. His having conversation with you is probably not meant to be leading you on, and if it is, you need to find another job quick. It would be very inappropriate of him to give you the green light.

2. Does he give you any indication that he's waiting for you to turn 18 so you'll be available to him?

3. WHY do you "have to" make love to someone?

yellowted · Mar 30, 2013 at 12:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by olive98

whats it like as in sharing beds and watching tv together and things? its all i think about now

Can you kiss and cuddle whenever you like?

it totally depends on the man, some are fantastic, some are great for a while then are not so good and some are axxholes from the minute they step through the door, but one will be exactly right for you, whether you find this one i can not say, some people do, some people don't, some find eachother young and some find each other when they are in the latter days of life.
Kissing and cuddling has to be a mutual thing, if either one does not want a kiss at the exact time as the other it can be awkward and even cause friction between the pair at times.
being in bed with a man can also vary considerably, some snore, talk in their sleep, even hit out in their sleep ( or even pee the bed), some are extremely gentle and loving, so there is no single answer to your question.
men are as different as the clouds are.

Maven · Mar 30, 2013 at 02:55 AM

You said your so-called "friend" told you you wanted it because you were wet. This person is a potential rapist. He molested you, at the least. I don't care if were or weren't wet, or horny, or whatever. He didn't have the right to put his hands on you. He doesn't get to tell you what you want. You decide and you say yes or no. And no means no.

I'm going to tell you the truth, even though you won't like it. You're way too young to pursue a relationship with an older man, and still will be at 18. You're very naive and have a lot to learn about life, love and self-worth. You need to learn self-worth because you call yourself dumb and say negative things about yourself. You're not ready for life yet. I'm not saying love is all a fantasy and romance isn't real. But you're fantasizing it way beyond reality. You need to grow up, but you have plenty of time for that. Don't be in such a rush. Movies and books are fun, but they don't always depict life the way it really happens.

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olive98 Member Member Since Mar 2013 Location: melbourne Posts: 126 11 21 hugs given	Mar 29, 2013 at 10:29 AM #45 I could never go with a boy my age cos in the last couple of years i got forced to undress and was touched privately by a boy my age that i trusted and was my friend for years! and then another thing happened this year by a teen at a pool party under the water, so i never want to be close with teen boys its too unpredictable and scary :s
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anon20140705 Guest Posts: n/a	Mar 29, 2013 at 09:03 PM #55 Olive, I've had men in their 70's and 80's make passes at me. Age doesn't stop them from doing that. The boy who abused you didn't do it simply because he was a teenage boy instead of an older man. In fact, he'll keep on doing that when he gets older, if he's allowed to get away with it.
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