Marriage without sex

Recently my husband decided that we just shouldn't ever have sex. He gets really frustrated with being turned down so often and knowing that it hurts me when we do have sex. I'm upset but also relieved. We've been married 5 yrs and sex has always been painful for me. I've seen doctors and specialists and none have answers. I've tried everything, and the only thing that seems to work is desensitization cream, which can prevent almost all the pain during, but it still hurts afterwards. I am small but muscle tension and tightness has been ruled out. My husband and I are firmly commited to each other, even if we don't have sex so I'm not worried about him leaving or seeking pleasure elsewhere, thus we feel like there is nothing really to lose by at least trying this. It's just that I can't find any advice on making relationships work without sex. Even sites for the physically disabled seem to be all about techniques to have sex. Honestly, my husband and I are more flirty and playful now than ever before in our relationship, and the relief of arguing and worrying about sex has been immense. I was just hoping someone else might have experience or know someone with experience in happy marriages/commited relationships where there is no sex.

Is it that it just hurts or do you not want to either ? If it's the former, what about "other" kinds of sex. If it's the latter, I don't have a ton of advice but you can still be happy. I would make sure that you keep dates and fun things. It sounds as though you are on the right track!

It doesn't sound like all sex is painful to you; just one particular type of sex. Aren't there plenty of other ways that are options you can try, or would any type of sex end up causing tension and pain?

Right--sex doesn't have to be intercourse. Can you tolerate his rubbing you on the outside in the clitoral area?

Yes, I do know of marriages that are happy with years without intercourse.

My first marriage was fantastic and was sex-free except for maybe 5 attempts in the beginning.

We got along famously, enjoyed each others' company day and night, vacationed together, slept together and had a better r/s than 99% of the people I know/knew.

(no, it didn't end in divorce)

umm.....I thought the issue was sex/affection...three years of decline. Did I miss the point?

I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend, living together for about 19 years, and we stopped having sex about six years into the relationship. It was his choice, and I'm not completely sure why. He says he doesn't feel good about his body (he's gained a lot of weight over the years, although more recently, he's lost some). I've wondered if he's grown impotent, but while he has diabetes, that doesn't explain the earlier years.

Like you, intercourse is painful for me. I have been to many gynecologists and gotten several diagnoses, from yeast infections (but it still hurt even when they were cleared up), being shaped wrong, being too small (but others tell me I'm normal), and more. I've never been able to enjoy intercourse the way a woman should.

I also have OCD, so even though I was still willing to have sex with my boyfriend when he stopped asking, the OCD has gotten to where it's an issue now. Well, actually, I've improved in that regard, and could probably have sex, as long as it was in my bed. In any case, he's expressed no interest in having sex, although we joke a lot about sex and talk about it when it comes up in the news or whatever.

69. No penetration, just mutual oral sex. Along with cuddling, breast play, penis play, him giving you a slow massage...lot's of warm, wet feelings.

Hi i have the same problem here, i was sexually assaulted at school at 15, i am now 37 and been married for 10 years i had a problem with men's parts i do not like them, i hate sex, i hate touching there parts too. I have had 2 kids but all through the years just had the sex for the kids and now do not have no more. My now ex husband has gone because he could not cope within but he knew all the problems with me the first day we meet. Now i am on my own and my mind is going down the road of i hate men and may bat for the other side. Is this feeling just because men have hurt me or can i have these feelings.