When to say yes?

That seems good but this ... I'd see that as an opportunity, not that I'd suggest using it as a test. But it would let you know something that would be good to know... this guy isn't someone you'd want

Dear Courtney,

The progression towards intimacy, cannot be quantified in the context of time; it is truly timeless. It may only take a heart beat for a couple, as their eyes meet for the first time. For others, it may take days, weeks, months or even years.

It is never a good idea to acquiesce to sex for any reason. It is a trap, young, inexperienced women fall into. They are not ready for sex. Yet, they acquiesce to sex out of fear of losing their partner, resulting in a loss of self respect, as well as a loss of respect of their partner.

Delaying sex, out of fear of being characterized a "slut", is also not constructive. Engaging in sex requires trust, and entails a substantial amount of emotional risk. If you truly believe a guy would characterize you, or any woman, a slut, than you need to move on. He doesn't deserve you, or anyone else.

Also, recognize dating is not always formal. Fraternizing with a classmate, after class over a period of a couple of months could easily result in a sexual encounter, i.e., provided the requisite mutual attraction is present.

In summary, you will know when the time is right, just like you know when you are ready to sleep, or ready to have a meal; it will be an emotional epiphany. There is never a place for acquiescence or pro forma delay.

Larry

Court Knee,

I know that you have moral values that you hold onto.....& I know that there is NOTHING WRONG in waiting until after you are married....& there is nothing wrong if the match is right for the person to also be willing to wait......if they are pushing you & they want to end the relationship because of your values....they they aren't the right person in the first place.....if they are a good match then they will have the same values as you in the first place & will completely understand where you are coming from.....if not.....maybe they seriously are the wrong person for you.

Amen.

And Malachite is a lovely username.

If there is any likelihood that you would think that you are a slut (regardless of the length of X), you should not have sex until you correct your cognitive mistakes.

Also, since you write about it in an extremely cold, cognitive, and detached fashion, I do not think that you really need sex for yourself right now, so I would wait until your sexuality goes through a process of natural maturation. Female sexuality is often like cheese or wine in that it matures and becomes better with age. So I would wait. Someone who is so emotionally detached is going to have a pretty meaningless and mechanistic experience of sex, and I do not think it is worth it. You have never mentioned desire, connection, lust, longing, or anything else that is not cognitive.

I am really great you did not "give in", since right now (following the rejection you posted about) you would have been even more hurt than you already are had you "given in". So, you had the right intuition not to "give in" - you essentially protected yourself well.

More generally - people differ so widely when they respond to you on this thread because the main tool one uses to settle such issues and concerns is intuition, and intuition is notoriously hard to quantify, analyze, describe, mold into policy statements, etc.

But you had it - to the extent that you protected yourself so well, you had the right intuition and can congratulate yourself on having the right intuition.

So.......

As others have implied, the amount of time you should wait before sex is exactly the time you feel you should wait. Or in other words, do it whenever you want to (but not before).

I can only speak for me personally, but if a woman did not want sex within the first month, I would likely move on since I would take that as an indication she isn't really interested in me. However, that is only useful information if you are planning on dating me, which is highly unlikely. Everyone is different.

So if that is bad enough "as is", imagine how much worse if would have been had Court_Knee "given in" before being rejected?

Thanks for your input.