the vagina that has stretched in childbirth

So... I am presently speechless.

I was considering - considering, but not being really sure of - having sex with an old friend/former classmate of mine. We were classmates in mid-1990s. My single sexual experience with him was not pleasant, back then, but now that we reconnected, and now that I have had success slowly growing to like sex with another guy I am not passionately in love with, I thought that I could possibly try and see where it leads us.

Back then, the guy was seriously interested, wanted to marry me and have many children together etc. I had one child back then.

Well, we have had exchanges about sex over email and I am so glad we had those exchanges because now I certainly will never have sex with him and I am glad that things got clarified during written exchanges and not in bed.

Besides the fact that he expects to have his sexual needs met, which prompted me to become so desirous of legal prostitution in California - and does not use condoms relying on being with the right people rather than trash (he actually called them "raincoats" - he is 54 and claims that women of his generation use the Pill and I do not know the emoticon for ROLLED EYES, sorry), he ...

...quoting verbatim...

was not interested in sliding into a vagina that has given birth three times in a raincoat as that would not give him a twinge of excitement.


Again, I am ecstatic that all of that transpired in writing and no clothes were taken off.

He then sent me about 20 short rude emails. I have not responded to them.

Not receiving any response, he then completely switched his tune and is now sending normal emails not related to sex. The last email was about his past difficulties with learning Polish which he wanted to learn in the course of his genealogical explorations. So, whatever. I know I did the right thing ignoring the rude emails. I might or might not stop any sort of correspondence, but since I will see him during the alumni weekend, I have an interest in being formally on OK terms, to avoid awkwardness.

But still... has anybody else (any woman who has given birth, on here) ever been told THAT about her vagina?

Basically, he was justifying his "need" to receive unprotected blowjobs. Again, there should be legal prostitution for such people and they should file complaints with brothel administration on safer sex policies if they cannot get what they need in terms of unprotected sex.

The interesting part was that he made that statement about a vagina that has given birth three times amidst of calling me a whole bunch of foul names, some from plain English and others from psych terminology (narcissistic, etc.), and his claim was that I was being cruel and debased in not appreciating the beauty of his tender soul and everything that he wanted to offer me by way of a wonderful long-term relationship.

He always boasts that he has the most rational mind of all, as per some sort of psychological evaluation that was done 20 years ago and allowed him to win the custody of his daughter.

So I wonder how rational it is to do what he has been doing...

Oh, and when I, being rendered speechless by his comment about the vagina that has been stretched, wrote to him that:

"...the current guy is not that big - let us say I do not remember you but I believe that you would be bigger, as per my vague memory. So he is still able to pull off two coitus acts per rendezvous, always wearing a condom and without objecting to my having given birth three times. So to me that is normal and not enjoying vaginal sex with a woman who has given birth is not normal. There is nothing wrong with that, but please, not with me."

he responded that I "brag about my sexual exploits".

???????

It was really stupid of me to write that. Almost like defending myself.

The right retort would have been:

"Oh, you are THAT small? Well, try to increase in length and girth and then we will see what we can do..."

Why do the right retorts always occur to me when it is too late?

Well, you've also have been posting of your unusually high sexual expectations from men, so why you are shocked to find someone who also has high sexual expectations and you don't fit the bill? He clearly wants someone very specific like you do and you don't meet his expectations. I do agree that this man is coming off as very rude in addition to sounding desperate for a tight p*ssy. This is someone not to pursue so why give it any more thought? Just drop the conversation and ignore the emails. There's other men out there who meet your expectations.

My partner has had two children, although one was with an elective c-section and her vagina meets my needs.

If you are really insecure about your vagina there are options.

He wrote that he now has hopes that maybe in the future he will find me "in different circumstances" and that "a guy can always hope".

I responded with a short sweet nothing email that does not obligate me in any way and he stopped writing. So, case closed.

Since he is my former classmate, I am going to leave it at that.

Had he been from a dating site - meaning, someone I would never see again - I would have educated him, explaining that once you say something like this, no, no, no, you no longer have any hopes, and that is forever. With something like this, you reach a point of no return.

But since he is someone whom I would see in the future, I will leave him uneducated for the rest of his days.

As for being desperate, he at some point complained that what I could possibly offer was "pity sex" and he did not want that. Again, I did not respond - not responding and not engaging was the right way to go since he changed his tune and then stopped writing altogether - but I did think to myself that a person who really does NOT want "pity sex" should at least try not to sound so desperate!

I am not insecure about my vagina. I, unfortunately, stopped doing Kegel exercises when my 2nd husband and I separated, and I was heartbroken and at that point of time could not even imagine being with another man. That was in 2009. So I need to resume. But back when I did a lot of Kegels, I could bring then husband to orgasm by squeezing the muscles - it actually was nice because it is enjoyable for a man not to do any "work" of thrusting but just relax and come.

So that part is OK.

I AM insecure because I seem to have an unusual ability to attract morons.

And while this guy - my former classmate - was writing those multiple venomous emails to me, he once asked if I thought that he was a moron.

I did want to say that no, I did not think so - thinking involves some degree of doubt, and I had no doubt by then that he was a moron.

But again, since he is not somebody anonymous from a dating site but someone with shared social contacts with me, he will get to live not knowing my views.

And since it all ended in a peaceful and mellow fashion, I am actually glad that I kept my potential retort about improving his ... ehem... girth to myself.

Which unusually high sexual expectations?

I do not even expect oral sex. Nothing, basically.

But I do expect that they be able to carry out a normal act of coitus in a condom and be happy with it.

So, to the extent that this expectation might limit my future options, I am OK with having limited options.

And if there is a way to limit the options even more drastically to the set called "no morons whatsoever", I would gladly limit the options further.

I think she was referring to your previously stated expectations or preferences of size and angularity, specifically tangentially. That's what sticks out (ahem!) In my memory, anyway

Point taken. Thanks for the clarification.

Again, it is not that I do not WANT to send him a retort suggesting that he increase the size (ahem) if he happens to have this "problem" (ahem), but, considering the shared social contacts we have, I will leave him in peace... which will save me money on buying a real raincoat for him as a prank present... another idea I entertained, given his "raincoat" and "girls of my generation knew to use the Pill" lines.

Yeah, I think he's realizing and lamenting that he killed not the goose that layed the golden egg, but the only goose that would still talk to him! I have a chatterbox in my life too that I have simply stopped responding to. You have to let them have the last word - I guess I fidnt realize how much I was that person, until you run into a person who talks more than you do. I think I at least listen! Idk.

But times have changed. I remember the time this woman on 60 Minutes said, "oh yeah I slept with a lot of guys without condoms before I realised I had herpes." It was like the fun part of the sexual revolution ended right then and there. Your "buddy" is stuck back before that time.

Well, let us hope that not many women would be inclined to extend sexual favors to him, given his outstanding qualities, so may that shortage of women deliver him from the danger of herpes!

As for talking... when I first saw him, in December, for the first time since 1997, he talked, non-stop, for five hours.

So he clearly takes the prize called "the most talkative guy".

I put him on a train after five hours, and he was prepared to keep going. Meaning, keep talking.

Guiness Book of Records material - that is what I am thinking of the "buddy"...

How can I begin to do Kegels? Is it a simple excercise that you can explain here?

for women, you squeeze the muscles. if a woman does not know how, she tries to stop the flow of urine. then she learns and does it on its own outside of peeing (regularly stopping the flow of urine is dangerous).

I have absolutely no clue how a man would do that, but I have heard that the exercises do help men as well.

IT:

Kegel exercises for men: Understand the benefits - MayoClinic.com

Men can do the same exercise. Along with maintaining weight. And that can be done with food moderation.

Type1 bipolar very rapid cycling. So on the meds.

Yes there are to the tune of $6,000( I looked into it) vagioplasty. unfortunately most women don't have this kind of money to make things right.

Hi Hamster.

In regards to the rationality of his comment and your original post, I have reached a conclusion. It is a, perhaps, outlandish conclusion...I hope you're sitting down for this.

Are you ready?

After much thought, and careful consideration...this guy is, in the highest of my psychological ability and to use a technical term, an asshole.

That being said, this guy is obviously still sore over your "wronging" of him for not filling his self perceived "right" of sex, which is of course utterly ridiculous. That said, he's simply trying to make you feel as bad as he himself feels foolish. A sort of childish revenge for a wrong that never occurred, in a manner of speaking.

It would be best to simply not pay him any mind...he's saying things simply to evoke anger and hurt from you. They're baseless.

Hugs,
Harley

Thank you. I just want to note that among the dozens and dozens of venomous emails from him that I did read but did not respond to he calls me:

- immature
- in need of growing up
- self-centered and narcissistic as a child

And then after he changed his tune, he wrote that "my attempt to reestablish our line of interpersonal communication apparently went for naught".

Well, since he has not retained me as a dating consultant, I am not responding to THAT.

If he ever retains me as a dating consultant, I will counsel him - I will tell him that if he does not want his future attempts to establish or reestablish lines of interpersonal communication with anybody to go for naught, he needs to abstain from making a whole host of statements - including the ones above.

Heh, good luck if he does. Judging from his current attempt, that's going to be a full time job's worth of work to even get him presentable to the opposite sex.