Should Gay/Lesbian see Gay/Lesbian therapist?

I've been seeing my therapist for almost 2 months now over some issues with my girlfriend and many other issues going on in my life. Not once have I questioned if I was straight. I recently finally ended my relationship with my girlfriend, that has been looming for years now and glad that I can begin to heal and move forward. My T started asking me if I have ever slept with a man before. I'm used to getting that question from my straight girfriends that were getting to know me, so I really didn't mind answersing. I said "sure" very confidently. Is she trying to turn me straight. I'm kinda of upset about this. Like I don't have enough on my mind with this breakup and much more. Then she says we can start meeting every other week. I just feel like I've been mentally mind F****. I like her because she is not weak in asking the hard questions, but this kinda goes beyone that. I don't know. Should I ask her her thoughts on homosexuality? Because maybe she is bias? Any ideas on this would be great!

It couldn't hurt to ask you t's views on homosexuality, or rather if they are comfortable trating you. IMO/ experience getting asked about feelings &/or relationships with the opposite sex is fairly standard in almost any therapy setting. The same being true for feelings/ relationships with same sex in a herto therapy setting.

The important question is are you comfortable with this therapist? Do you feel that you can be open & honest with this person? If the answer to these questions are yes, then quite possibly the sex of the therapist doesn't matter.

Good luck with your therapy
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worknonit80,

I agree with ringtailcat, but would like to ask what makes you think that your T is trying to turn you straight? Is it a demeanor that she has, or is it based upon her Q of you ever sleeping with a man?

I am unsure what motivated her to ask you this Q, but you can certainly ask her on your next meeting. I would recommend coming straight out and ask ~ rather than make assumptions. We could be totally off on her reasoning! Maybe she has a decent reason for asking, maybe she was simply curious, or maybe it was a stupid reason. But, you won't know unless you ask her. From there, you can make an informed decision about whether or not you should make a change in T's.

Best wishes to you!

I would think that it is unethical to try to turn your client straight.

Just ask what she had in mind.

If you sense any judgemental attitudes from your therapist, please seek a new one!

However, your T might just be exploring your entire sexual history to help YOU determine what you want next. A T can't help you if they don't have the whole story.

Any real T won't try to change your orientation. Only quacks with an agenda do that.

Thanks everyone, I have a few questions for her and yes I'm pretty apprehensive about them, but I need to get the answered to the best of her knowledge. I wrote some stuff down kinda like cliff notes. I feel pretty comfortable with her and would never want to descriminate because she is str8, because I know what this feels like. I will ask and make my judgment then. What I do know is I'm confident in my sexuality. I think we are far from the mark of my problems, so I need to redirect it somehow. This next sessions is going to be quite interesting for sure!

Keep us updated!..

Hmmm. This is a tough one. I think, maybe she's just making sure there isn't something "deep down" that you're suppressing (ie, an attraction to men).

I'm Bisexual, and my therapist is a Lesbian. She has asked me (on more than one occasion) if I think my Marriage problems are due to the fact that I married a man.

I came right out one day and asked "So, are you trying to figure out if I'm actually a "hardcore lesbian" and not bisexual?"

She laughed and seemed kind of surprised, and said "No, I was just "digging" a little, that's what therapists do."

She has also asked me which sex I tend to be more attracted to - emotionally, and physically. Again, more than once.

At first, I thought maybe she was trying to tell me that I'm actually a "full lesbian" (for lack of a better term) and not actually bisexual. Especially when I told her that I tend to lean more towards being attracted to women. (Obviously, not always, I married a man lol)

So, I confronted her about it, and again, she said that they were just questions. Therapists are trained to dig into our psyche. They can't always know if we're supressing something, or denying something. There are even times when there is something deep down that we aren't aware of. They like to make sure there isn't something that needs to be "pulled to the surface".

That being said, your T could be bias, she is human after all....so I think it would be in your best interest to ask.

Maybe start with something like "So, you asked me if I had ever slept with a man before...I'm just wondering what your thought process was behind that question..."

Good luck! And keep us updated!

"People throw rocks at things that shine"

"Sorry I'm only human, you know me. Grown up? Oh no , guess again..."

I am techically bisexual and I have gone to see MANY different therapists. Very few of them are actually gay themselves. Heck a lot don't know what being polyamorus or.....BDSM is and I have to explain it to them.

It dosn't really matter if they are gay or lesbian themselves, its important if they are openn minded and willing to learn. At least from my own experinces it is.

Well totally chickened out, maybe next week. This week we did not discuss my sexuality, thank goodness. Got to talk about some real issues. Still unsure about her. Not sure, she doesn't take notes, she gives me little suggestions. She never gives me homework. I come out of there feeling like what the blank am I supposed to do now?
Is that normal? Is she betting on me just opening up will get to what actually my problem is???

Therapy is not a business meeting. When you come out of a business meeting, you are supposed to know what to do now, or else the meeting was poorly run.

Therapy is much more varied, fluid, and individualized, so with some clients and some therapists, clients do get out of the room knowing what to do and others do not. There are no general rules on that. T also works on feelings and emotions, unlike business meetings, which is yet another reason why T, unlike business meetings, may not necessarily result in your knowing what to DO after the session. It could be about how you feel and view yourself and the world, and a whole host of other things.

Back to the sexuality issue - if you do not open up by next session by just conversing with her (give yourself a deadline) - you need to write her a letter.

I don't believe the sexuality of the therapist is as imporant as how they treat you as a whole person.

The therapist who helped me to come to terms with my sexuality the most just so happened to be a Southern Baptist!

That's right, I said a Southern Baptist, and I Chit You Not ... !!!

I'm so thankful I didn't know this early on in the process, otherwise I'd have made a snap judgment about her based on all I'd heard from the gay community about "those people" and would have missed out on the most healing part of my whole journey.

With that being said, if the particular therapist you're seeing isn't a good fit for you, then it's time to find one that is.

Regardless of the therapist's sexuality, it's important to work with someone who treats you as a whole person ... One that doesn't make you feel as if you are somehow defective, wrong or icky just because you so happen to be gay.

Sincerely,
Pfrog

It's OK that you chickened out, don't beat yourself up over it
What you're trying to discuss with her is not an easy thing to bring up. Just try not to let it go for too long, because it could become very counterproductive to your therapy.

As for the way she acts. I feel like you're seeing my therapist LOL She doesn't take notes, or assign homework and also gives me "little suggestions." Mine is a lesbian though.

Hang in there , and good luck (maybe next week?)

"People throw rocks at things that shine"

"Sorry I'm only human, you know me. Grown up? Oh no , guess again..."

Thanks for the words. I wonder if their could be some kind of transference going on. Yes she is attractive. Something I'm noticing is all. I'm glad I have a straight female as my T and then again NOT! At least with a lesbian I wouldn't feel like this is all brand new world for her. Since she has asked the "Have you slept with men question", I find myself wanting to spout back " HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH a WOMAN"....ughhh....its just a reaction. The last thing a lesbian wants to here coming from a straight girl she barely knows....Is, have you ever slept with a man.....usually that gets an extremely fowl look from me. LOL. I don't know, I like her, I loath her. I definately need to know to see if she is cool with gays? Then I'll want to know if supports equal rights and gay marriage. Ahhh....and it goes on and on. I want to make sure we are comfortable with each other. I will try asking her all this next week. Try being the key word there. Therapy IS SOOOOO HARD~!

My apologies, I just seen everyones post! I did not know there was a 2nd page. Thanks Hamster and Pfrog as well!! EXCELLENT ADVICE! Hamster Im going to write it out and then give it to her if I don't speak it. Ill have it ready in hand incase I chicken out again. Pfrog, haha...that's awesome about having a southern baptist help you with that. Inspiring even!

I have had both lesbian and straight therapists who I had positive therapeutic relationships with. But I do have to admit, I found it much easier with the lesbian therapist, simply because I found I did not have to provide as much context/ translate as much of my life experience for her as I did for the straight therapist....

But I am sure it depends a little on the issues you are trying to address in therapy. If I was trying to work on relationship (love relationship) topics, I would definitely prefer a lesbian therapist. For childhood topics etc I found it to be of less importance.

It IS so hard! I know! My issue was this - Being bi, I've received a lot of ridicule from both sides (Straight and Gay people). My T doesn't know that I know she's a lesbian (I picked up on it right away, but how I found out for sure is a long story, it wasn't even on purpose). When I came out to her as bisexual I said ]"well, I've had relationships with both men and women" she said "I know." I said "you doo???" She said "yea, I've been 99.9 percent sure for a long time now." I was kind of expecting her to be like "Well, I'm gay" (or something lol) but she didn't. We speak about equal rights, LGBT things....even romantic/sexual relationships with other women, and how they differ from men. Yet, she STILL hasn't come out with it. She has hinted, like "you can ask me anything you want, and I promise I will not be offended. Anything." and I'll say things like "You know, there are some things that I've figured out about you." (It doesn't sound nearly as creepy when put into context lol) and she'll smile and say "I'm sure you have." But, it always makes me kinda wonder how she REALLY feels about Bisexual people (the real ones, not the attention seeking drunk girls )
I do have transference issues with my T though. We've talked about it here and there. Talk about embarrassing.

"People throw rocks at things that shine"

"Sorry I'm only human, you know me. Grown up? Oh no , guess again..."

As a gay man, for years I saw gay therapists. There were a few good ones but the bad ones were truly awful. I've also had straight therapists but there is something missing. They fail to understand a lot of things and don't know much, if anything, about the LGBTQ community. So, my recommendation is to go with an LGBTQ therapist but choose very carefully.

This!

Even the T's that are straight, but say they are welcoming of LGBTQ people, don't really"get it" a lot of the time. That's not to say they don't care, or don't try and help, but it's not quite the same. Hopefully there will come a day when it "doesn't matter" because everyone will be looked at the same way. Although, I doubt we will see that in our life time.

"People throw rocks at things that shine"

"Sorry I'm only human, you know me. Grown up? Oh no , guess again..."

Yes, I'd have to agree she doesn't quite "get it". Is it wrong of me to want her to understand more about us so she is better informed about the LGBTQ community and in the mean time help me better understand myself. I dunno, not ready to throw her away yet. I'm hoping this is the week I get enough courage to ask her about how she feels. I just assumed she was okay with it since she likes Obama. Hahaha.....FUNNY STUFF! I really wish this wasn't even an ISSUE! Some days are more unfair then others I guess. Goodnite!