Guilty for feeling disgusted by child sexuality?

According to very trusted psychological studies (specifically The Kinsey Institute New Report on Sex), most children are masturbating to erotic fantasies by the age of 7-9.

This disgusts me more than anything I have ever known of in my life.

I understand that masturbation is healthy and sexual repression is unhealthy, but I believe that childhood is a stage where innocence should be enjoyed, and sexual attraction should be left to puberty and onwards, when it serves a role in biological/mental coming of age.

I guess I feel guilty that I'm clinging to a belief that does not seem to be rational. All concrete psychological evidence says that I should feel perfectly fine with children masturbating and feeling sexual attraction years and years before the onset of puberty, and that this is in fact the norm.

I guess what I'm asking for is either a way to come to terms with the sexual nature of children, or a way to love innocence without feeling negative emotions due to the fact that it is incredibly scarce and not the norm. I find innocence more beautiful than anything, and I care about preserving it more than anything; it should be lost when appropriate, and I don't feel the 7-9 age bracket is appropriate at all, although evidence says it's normal and healthy.

By the way, although this sounds like a very Christian/Catholic belief, I am not particularly religious at all and was not raised in a religious family. Christian/Catholic teachings absolutely were not the cause of my feelings. I don't remember ever being taught to love innocence and be disgusted by its loss; thinking back, I believe I just naturally came to it, probably as early as 10 years old. I am also not Conservative or very tradition-driven; as you can tell, I must have a good logical reason to feel a feeling or believe a belief. When I don't, I feel horrible.

Don't think of masturbation this young to be sexual, they're just starting to explore themselves and they often times don't have a name to what they are doing, they are just doing what feels "right" to them, and some of them, like me when I was that age, are afraid or may think that what they are doing is wrong. What they are doing is very natural and I think is very innocent. I can't imagine that exploring themselves is ill-natured or done maliciously or that they're sexual fiends. They're curious about their bodies and are just beginning to learn what love and sex is about. That's why schools have sexual ed so early, kids at that age are starting to develop.

But I understand where you're coming from. I work with elementary school children and it astonishes me when the school girls start gossiping about their older "boyfriends" and who they want to go out with. And sometimes it's cute when I catch them kissing a magazine of One Direction. And so far it's all been good-nature; I haven't heard any girls calling each other names for being curious about their sexuality. Let kids be kids, it's just part of growing up and some mature faster than others.

I did not start masturbating until almost 20 and had late puberty with the menarche at almost 16.

However, I caressed a boy in preschool, had numerous same age boy suitors starting in first grade (strictly same age or even a few months younger) without really knowing what to do about them, but did reciprocate the feelings of a couple of them. I also fantasized a lot about the boys I was interested in, and one of the fantasies included being together in a sleeping bag (a 2nd grade fantasy), fully clothed, but together. I just had this fantasy for whatever reason. I still remember the boy from that fantasy - he was a redhead with lots of freckles, and, he was a bit daring in terms of classroom behavior. I still think that redheads are special and that freckles are the most adorable of all facial features. The boy's parents relocated after the second grade and I do not know what ensued. In third grade I had a reciprocated relationship with the boy with whom I shared the desk, and he visited my apartment and I served him hot chocolate on the best German china my grandmother gave me. And then we walked in the courtyard holding hands. He then switched schools and I missed him for many years, so it was quite a lasting attachment. And I fantasized about finding him one day. Then in 6th grade one classmate sent me a love confession in a note that he asked classmates to pass to me, from desk to desk. It was written in English which was the language we studied, but the vocabulary level was above and beyond the school curriculum in that it used the word "reciprocate" - he was requesting that I reciprocate his feelings. I guessed what "reciprocate" meant, but, at home, verified that my guess was correct by consulting with a big thick dictionary. The boy was quite charming and had that incredibly deep, rich, low voice that boys his age normally do not have. He was normal height and normal weight - actually, on the shorter side by a bit, but the voice was just amazing. I went on to become attracted to men primarily on the basis of the voice qualities and not visual features, so that early attraction was quite predictive of future patterns, and I did fantasize about the boy a lot in terms of doing things with him (all completely non-sexual) and his attraction to me was common knowledge in the social circle. He then switched schools because he went to study mathematics in-depth in a school for gifted teens. I liked him a lot and he liked me a lot - we just did not know what to do with the attraction/feelings etc. other than talk on the phone for hours feeling a bit embarrassed.

All of that - completely non-sexual. No genital involvement of any kind (I am talking about myself as I cannot speak for my elementary and middle school boy suitors).

All of that was happening in the Soviet Union where sex was officially non-existent, so there were absolutely no "sexual" influences from society, no MTV, no make-up at school of any kind, uniforms for boys and girls throughout the whole public schooling timespan, no sex ed... and very modest clothing, believe me.

In other words, PURE innocence in its most PURE form. Isn't it what you cherish and value?..

Hello and welcome I'm not sure what would be a good way to answer your post. It isn't an issue I've ever thought about.
Personally I'd be disgusted and alarmed if I came upon a child torturing an animal or bullying another child. If I saw a child touching himself/herself I'd turn and walk away without intruding on their privacy. I'm not sure I understand how someone could take their own innocence away.
Maybe you could try focusing on something else?

I have a 7 year old son and a 10 year old daughter. If I see them masturbating, they are told that is something that they must do in the privacy of their room, but they are not shamed about it.

At such you,ng ages, they don't even understand sexuality, they are just doing something that feels good.

I know, they don't really even understand what they're doing, it's like cracking their knuckles because it feels good. It's just that the statistic makes it sound like these 7 year olds are fantasizing and masturbating in the way adults do, regarding explicitly sexual themes and goals. And that's what trips me up big time.

Wow. I hadn't considered that hypersexualized American society may be the culprit behind prepubescent child sexuality rather than innate nature. Your example gives me hope and relief; thank you.

It's explicit sexual fantasy that I have an issue with, not genital play, which can hardly even be considered sexual. I would focus on something else, but that children deserve innocence is by far my strongest held and most passionate belief; I have to know the issue inside out before I can make my conclusion and stop feeling conflicted.

Anyway. After doing all the research I could possibly do on this subject I developed a stance I can faithfully say is logically sound and benevolent. Basically my argument is that children should not be explicitly sexually interested/active (different from simply rubbing genitals because it feels good) until puberty when it is appropriate, for around 35 different reasons spanning over the fields of psychology, reason, morality, studies, spirituality, culture, history, and physiology which I'm compiling into an essay. i don't feel like going over it here as i feel i'm finished with my inner conflict and dont really need to debate it further on this site, i'm running it through some people i know to check for logic errors but it seems sound so far. If 35 reasons is what it takes for me to believe in what I love most, so be it. I'm happy with the outcome; it's cathartic.

feel free to continue responding to this thread, i'm all ears. and for anyone googling this in 10 years with the same concern, just PM this account if you want to hear my reasoning or discuss it with me, i'll check back periodically.

A very good comparison.

Also, torturing animals in childhood is a common symptom / precursor of antisocial behavior in adulthood (for a very strong link, see http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/...ry-strong-link)

And touching oneself is not a symptom of anything or a precursor of anything.

The point I was making was exactly the opposite. I was making the point that my many strong, lasting, and memorable non-genital boy-girl attractions throughout the years of public schooling and even preschool (=before puberty, way before puberty) in a society that was clearly not hypersexualized in the modern American way reflected some innate nature to boy-girl attractions that cannot be denied.

I also humbly suggest that you consult with the Western Canon in the process of writing your essay and re-read the beginning of Lolita - the part about Annabel who later died of typhoid, if you will remember - and consider the fact that Nabokov wrote Lolita in the early 1950s BEFORE MTV - I do not have a TV and have never watched MTV but Wikipedia tells me that MTV was launched in 1981, which supports my assertion that Nabokov wrote what he wrote without being influenced by the hypersexualized American society. And, the story with Annabel actually happened back in the Old World, before the main character had the fortune of moving stateside, so that provides a further, deeper alibi for both participants - Annabel and the young H.H. - with respect to their having potentially being influenced by the hypersexualized American society, or, at least I so hope.

But school children still fantasize when they are masturbating, most kids who masturbate do. And that's still part of the curiosity. There's nothing wrong with exploring sexuality in fantasy, that's what makes it safe: it's not real. Kids can fantasize but that's different than them wanting to go out and act on their fantasies.

what I did when I was young I would hard call masterbation I found out by acident that touching my self down there...felt good I would constantly play with plastic bead necklaces...I think I like the movments they mad and this entertained me.

so I feel asleep one night and I had one in my bed, I manage to get between my legs and I ran it up to get ahold of it with out thinking. And it felt good....I then just started doing this more on purpose taking beads with me and playing with them above the area...cause it felt good. It really freaked my mom out and she did this whol i am going to hide all this stuff away from me thing for a while. But I think I was about 6 or 7 when I did that...and its a normal thing.

I did not do it myself cause I knew what sex was and I wanted it like how I do now...it just simply felt good.

personally I think the whole thing of making people feel guilty about pleasuring your selves and bieng aware of our boides is an incorrect way of thinking. A lot of adults are very ashamed of masterbation but not at all of sex it self.

and by far masterbation is much safer and benafical. Being aware of our bodies is not a bad thing, knowing what makes them feel good and what makes them feel bad is the very basis of natural survival and self health management.

As long as its not taken to an extreme I think this kind of thing, its a lot better to enjoy your body no matter what kind of body type you have....then to grow up when you ar mature to think this is not ok and will make me look weird...or pervy....

its kind of the same as some girl that thinks she is fat and she really is not but that..is just me.

I have mixed feelings on this...I started masturbating and having "sexual thoughts" WAY before the "average age" group you presented. I had no idea what it was, just that it was wrong, disgusting, and abhorrent (the thoughts anyway) and I felt the same way when I found out what masturbation actually was. I feel the same way to this day—that it's wrong to be sexually attracted to someone else. But since I'm in my 20's, I have a sex drive so I DO think about other people/masturbate. So I don't know if my experiences as a young child is the cause of these thought processes or not.

But I was innocent until at least puberty (if not longer) as I had NO IDEA what these thoughts/feelings were or meant. My only opinion on them was that the thoughts were wrong so I avoided those thoughts until I couldn't control it any longer (puberty). I think the suppression of sexuality has crippled me in discovering/exploring my sexuality when it's apparently appropriate.

It's not that disagree with you...it's just that this makes me even more ashamed of my own sexuality and experiences. It wasn't like I knew what I was doing...I don't even know why I knew it was wrong.

IMO, while I do think America has an unhealthy obsession with sexuality (assuming you're from America), sex shaming isn't the way to handle it. Instead of feeling ashamed that you did those things as a kid, just accept it and move on. My opinion is only that children ideally should not be encouraged to have sexual interest until puberty (puberty and upwards is debatable as hell and not the point of this thread), but I do not believe children should be shamed if they do end up having it. That doesn't really help anything, it's more Christian fundamentalist hatred than anything actually culturally healthy.

I agree. It shouldn't be encouraged, and neither should it be shamed. Although, I remember going to church as a child, my family and I weren't overly religious. I did grow up in a sort of Christian fundamentalist hatred sort of culture in America, so maybe that's partially to blame?

The problem is that it's been drilled into my head so much...and the shame about sexuality came back in adulthood (in my adolescence I think I had a relatively healthy outlook on it). I'm just not sure if it's related to my childhood or if it's just something that's developed as I became an adult.

It would be interesting to see if anyone else on here has had similar experiences and whether they ended up how I have or not.

Also, even though I feel guilty because of "fantasies", I will absolutely terrified if sexuality becomes "real". For example, when I tried living with roommates, one of them had sex in another room. This greatly disturbed me, as until that moment, sex had always been imaginary and wasn't something that actually existed in real life. I'm not sure anyone can understand that line of thinking...I mean I knew it was "real", but it wasn't real to me.

I have worked many years as a preschool teacher. Kids are weird and gross. ( I have 3 of them by the way) They stick things in there ears, they pick at there belly buttons, they think it is fun to pick there noses. things feel good to kids at a very young age. It is not uncommon for parents to have to put overalls with shoulder straps to keep a youngster from touching and messing around down there.

As a teacher of all ages it is strange because I feel as adults we were raised in a time where modesty was encouraged. Now modesty doesn't exist. Babies are always getting there little hands down there when you change there diapers. Toddlers are quite content to put there little fingers anywhere and mess with everything. preschoolers seem to have a more "I like this and it feels good attitude" they don't have an understanding of sexual things unless someone has done something inappropriate to them. (see the difference in those children vs normal children) Send a preK - 2nd grade boy to the bath room, who knows when they will return. Is it water in the sink, how much TP is on a roll or what is attached to there bodies that interest them, who knows.

I was a younger then the average bloomer. I got caught by my mom and it was something that I was led to believe was very nasty. That I was bad, I should never EVER do that. I was 4 or 5. I also had a lot of stress in my young life and remember masturbating at school during nap time when I was 4. It was not shunned at school. I remember strange looks from teachers but they didn't say anything to me.

Back to boy-girl attractions rather than genital explorations.

My daughter had a boy suitor who was hopelessly in love with her in kindergarten. The kindergarten teacher told me that everybody knew that Alex was in love with Julia, and when I explained to the boy teacher that Julia felt that he violated her space by following her everywhere, the kindergarten teacher got them together and explained to Alex that he needed to give Julia space.

When she was about 2-3 and quite shy, a lovely boy her age kissed her. Just to preempt the possible explanation (that I can foresee coming out of this thread) that the overly hypersexualized American culture influenced the little boy and he kissed Julia because of the influence of the hypersexualized American culture... the boy's father was a Russian Orthodox priest who had a parish in Silicon Valley, the priest's wife had a PhD in Slavics from USC, they led a very ascetic lifestyle and I am absolutely sure that there was no TV and not even a tiny morsel of the influence of the hypersexualized American culture in their household.

You should realize that babies are not brought by storks.

Even Christian people believe that ALL babies are delivered in pain and amidst blood. Jesus' conception was immaculate, but, according to the legend, he was birthed/delivered by a human woman, from her human womb and via her human birth canal a.k.a vagina, in pain, quite possibly accompanied by screaming, and amidst blood. So no, your feelings indeed have nothing to do with Christianity in general or Catholicism in particular. Your feelings seem to have something to do with a desire to "purify" (the early stage of) human existence, but human existence is a bit messy and a bit bloody and will not conform to your beliefs, and that is OK, and "35 different reasons spanning over the fields of psychology, reason, morality, studies, spirituality, culture, history, and physiology" are not going to change the "impure" nature of human existence.

It is quite possible that babies who are brought by storks do not develop any sexual feelings or attractions, and do not form attachments to people outside their family until puberty. But so far, babies have not been brought by storks, and even artificial insemination is sexual (requires a male orgasm and requires cells from both male and female), so sex acts continue to be the origin of all human existence... and that would continue to be the case until large-scale human cloning.