[Conflege]

Hello. I'm only a 20 year old college student, but I have come to learn a lot about sexual identity and gender.

Anyway. I identify as a straight male while simultaneously asexual. Growing up I can't recall too many instances of holding a sense of sexual attraction. I can only think of 2 instances in which I have ever experiences an urge to be sexually active with an individual. Currently I find myself longing to experiment and engage my good friend -who is also a straight male- in some sexual encounters. I know he'd never agree. But I find it odd that I have such a strong desire for it. I have also had dreams about the both of us partaking in some of these acts. I have also considered the possibility of being gay or bi... But seeing how he's the only guy I have ever really wanted to engage like this, led me to question otherwise...

My question to all other straight men identifiers. I have come across various facts one being that a majority of straight men engaged in some sort of homoerotic actions. Does anyone know the percentage? and have you yourself engaged in some of these actions.

[Travelinglady]

Well, I'm not a male, but since no one else has responded, then I will put my two cents' worth in. I do know of at least two males who had some sexual encounters with other males (oral sex), although they identify as heterosexual.

It is possible for someone to be asexual. Maybe your sex drive is not as active as some folks. But if you spend a lot of time with one person, then the needs are more likely to make you attracted to that person.

[robutts]

Hi Cornflege,

As an asexual, I can assure you that asexuality is a legitimate thing and if you feel that it describes you, you might look further into it. I've found the models of attraction put forward by the asexual community to be extremely helpful to me in my own life, and it sounds like you might benefit from it too. Here's a pretty simple breakdown: Attraction - AVENwiki

The takeaway is that it is possible to want to have sex with a person of one gender, want to touch and cuddle with another, and be romantic with yet a third group, and so on. For your typical heterosexual person, all of the attractions happen to be for the same gender. Sometimes, though, that's not the case, which is how you might get someone who is asexual, but desires romance with men, and tactile intimacy with women, for example. It's also how you could be asexual and male, sensually and romantically attracted to women, but have a fetishistic attraction to men.

It might help for you to look up definitions of the rest of the asexual spectrum too, as you might find terms like "gray-asexual" or "demisexual" to be useful to you.

And of course, there's Dan Savage, who would probably call you heteroflexible. :B

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by robutts

Hi Cornflege,

As an asexual, I can assure you that asexuality is a legitimate thing and if you feel that it describes you, you might look further into it. I've found the models of attraction put forward by the asexual community to be extremely helpful to me in my own life, and it sounds like you might benefit from it too. Here's a pretty simple breakdown: Attraction - AVENwiki

Thanks, very interesting. The wiki describes

Aesthetic Attraction

Some asexuals report feeling an attraction to other people that is not connected to a desire to do anything with them, either sexually or romantically. They simply appreciate their appearance. This is called aesthetic attraction because it is thought to be similar to other aesthetic desires, such as the desire to keep listening to a good song or to keep looking at a beautiful sunset.

I have that for some women and I am fully straight. I also have always focused more on images of women in art than on images of men. Say, yesterday I was browsing through an online collection of Modigliani's pictures and I looked mainly at his female nudes. I do not know if this is out of habit or for another reason, but it is what it is.

I am sure that there are other women like me.