Failed today

May 28, 2013 at 11:56 AM

At some point today I failed trying to stay away from anything sexual and I looked at lesbian porno pictures. I really thought I was going to be able to stay away from it, yet today, I failed. I don't know what to do. Last night I went into a chatroom trying to have phone sex with men, which to some extent I did until I had to leave the computer. I felt bad about it. Some point in me wonders if I don't need love and that is why I do it. Sex is by no means love.

hamster-bamster · May 29, 2013 at 01:23 AM

What kind of prize do you want to obtain for staying away from anything sexual? If there are big monetary prizes awarded for staying away from anything sexual, I would really like to know because I stayed away from anything sexual for several years (it so happened) entirely and absolutely and now want to cash in to help me get out of debt. So please share.

krisakira · May 29, 2013 at 02:01 AM

Why are you trying to repress your sexual needs?

May 29, 2013 at 11:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

What kind of prize do you want to obtain for staying away from anything sexual? If there are big monetary prizes awarded for staying away from anything sexual, I would really like to know because I stayed away from anything sexual for several years (it so happened) entirely and absolutely and now want to cash in to help me get out of debt. So please share.

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by wanting to get out of your debt? The only thing I get out of it is not feeling like a cheap girl, because when I
become turned on things I try to find girls and men in my town, which of course I never find, luckily. But I have never rewarded myself with anything. But it is great how you could stay away from it for years.

May 29, 2013 at 11:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by krisakira

Why are you trying to repress your sexual needs?

It isn't healthy to have phonesex with complete strangers and/or look t porn or things.

hamster-bamster · May 29, 2013 at 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings

I'm not entirely sure what you mean by wanting to get out of your debt? The only thing I get out of it is not feeling like a cheap girl, because when I
become turned on things I try to find girls and men in my town, which of course I never find, luckily. But I have never rewarded myself with anything. But it is great how you could stay away from it for years.

I stayed away from it for years due to the horrible side effects of psychiatric drugs. There was nothing good in it. Sexuality is tied in with creativity and is thus a wonderful thing. It is also a wonderful thing for other reasons. In terms of your response about my needing to get out of debt, you seem to have a problem picking up on sarcasm.

hamster-bamster · May 29, 2013 at 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings

It isn't healthy to have phonesex with complete strangers and/or look t porn or things.

why?.. What is the standard you are trying to apply? Is it that you need to know a person for an X number of years that before you have phone sex with him or her that would be healthy? And what is X, in that case?

Poppy Princess · May 29, 2013 at 11:37 PM

I think she would prefer sex tied in with emotion. That's what I'm getting at least.

There is a Sexual Addiction section. You might find it more helpful there.

hamster-bamster · May 29, 2013 at 11:58 PM

Preferring to have sex tied in with emotion is one thing and is understandable, but saying that phonesex with strangers is unhealthy is altogether another thing, so I hope BrokenAngelWings (a great userid) will answer that part of the question.

In general, though, not having phone sex with perfect strangers will do absolutely nothing towards moving towards the ideal of having sex tied in with emotion. In order to have sex tied in with emotions, you need to develop meaningful relationships, and having or not having phone sex with strangers in no way impacts that.

Are you having meaningful relationships then?

hamster-bamster · May 30, 2013 at 02:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings

At some point today I failed trying to stay away from anything sexual and I looked at lesbian porno pictures. I really thought I was going to be able to stay away from it, yet today, I failed. I don't know what to do. Last night I went into a chatroom trying to have phone sex with men, which to some extent I did until I had to leave the computer. I felt bad about it. Some point in me wonders if I don't need love and that is why I do it. Sex is by no means love.

OK, so I have read enough of your posts to get a grasp on your problem.

Your problem is that you believe in magic in the context within which magic does not exist.

You believe that if you stay away from anything sexual you would somehow reach your long-term goals. No, that would not happen because there is no magic. You should stop feeling bad about what you do, engage in phone sex as you need it because it is safe (unless somebody records your voice and posts audio files somewhere where your employers might get access to them...), and in the meantime try to develop some meaningful connections. Not engaging in phone sex would not yield meaningful connections by magic - meaningful connections develop out of being an interesting person, on the one hand, and out of having a genuine interest in other people, on the other hand. That is all you need to develop meaningful connections, and whether you have phone sex is orthogonal (irrelevant) altogether, so you are wasting time trying to limit your phone sex, porn viewing etc. habits. You should stop wasting time and energy on it and invest time and energy into becoming a more interesting person and developing more interest in others around you.

adam_k · May 30, 2013 at 08:23 AM

I think most people have a genuine urge for sex and intimacy. I wouldn't feel bad about it. I don't think we would be here, if along the way we didn't develop to naturally want to have sex and make connections.

Phone sex and pornography may not be the healthiest way to satisfy these urges, but it is safe. Having sex with strangers is far more risky.

I hope you can find someone in your life to be with and have fulfilling experiences with.

May 31, 2013 at 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I stayed away from it for years due to the horrible side effects of psychiatric drugs. There was nothing good in it. Sexuality is tied in with creativity and is thus a wonderful thing. It is also a wonderful thing for other reasons. In terms of your response about my needing to get out of debt, you seem to have a problem picking up on sarcasm.

Oh, I did pick up on it. Just didn't think people felt the need to be sarcastic in this place and I wanted to give you the benefit of the doubt.

hamster-bamster · May 31, 2013 at 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings

Just didn't think people felt the need to be sarcastic in this place

What exactly did you mean by that?..

You did not write that you were grieving the loss of your loved one who died a horrible violent death, did you?..

Puzzled.

hamster-bamster · 09:36 PM

OK, so your issue is that you have multiple threads on various forums. It would be helpful to consolidate the threads, because now that I have become acutely aware of your fear of not going to heaven, I would certainly refrain from sarcastic remarks. Please realize that from the OP itself, on the strength of the few words that were in the OP, it was not immediately apparent that you have the fear of not going to heaven.

I also see that you specifically requested that people not be rude to you, and to the extent that a little sarcasm (which in my opinion was otherwise quite called for) can be perceived as a little rude, I would have refrained from responding on your threads, but since I could not read your mind, I reacted the way I did.

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrokenAngelWings

I am a 24 year old girl. I came here because I felt I needed to speak to someone who will hopefully not judge me. So here goes.

I am a Christian and I am planning on waiting with sex until I am married. However, and I am extremely ashamed to say this, I always had this rather unbecoming behaviour. I will search for disgusting things on the internet, like naked women having sex, incest, sex games, porn videos and anything else that has to do with it. I am in no way a lesbian and I find incest repulsive, yet these things turn me on. Afterwards, I always feel disgusting and I usually cry.
In my first relationship I was mentally abused and to some extent bullied into having oral and **** sex. On many occations I cried and felt horrible during, even recentful. (he never stopped because of this and should I reject him he would be cold and rude for days on end) This is also something that hurts me. I regret ever letting it go that far, but thankful I never allowed him to take my virginity.
I feel like this and things that I have done in the past when I was still a young child, like going into mobile chatrooms and pretending to be abused or something for attention, or having phone sex with complete strangers will keep me from going to heaven. I must explain that I did those things because I never had any friends really and my father was never there for me. I felt good when a man would compliment me and mistook it for love, which it isn't. It isn't an excuse tho.
I feel like I was a horrible person and I think I don't deserve God's love. It feels like he left me. I don't know what to do, but I figured coming on a support site and being honest about everything will help. Of course, I am terrfied of being juged or receiving rude remarks, but I don't care. I am at the point where this is all killing me and it is worth the risk. I do ask to please not be rude to me, please. This is in no way easy for me.

Please realize that your attitude is non-standard. Therefore you need to put people on notice about the attitude. Say, I would converse with people who are religious in an abstract sense, but I would not converse with people who believe in heaven in a literal sense. So had you put me on notice, you would have spared yourself a sarcastic remark coming from me and would have saved my time... although, I must say, even a person who believes in heaven in a literal sense should be able to realize that... gasp... HAVING PHONE SEX WITH COMPLETE STRANGERS!!!! is not quite as bad as, say, committing atrocious crimes such as genocide, and, therefore, probably would still allow you to go to heaven. At least I sincerely hope so...

hamster-bamster · May 31, 2013 at 09:41 PM

Also,

the sarcasm was well-intentioned and, specifically, meant to help you to become a little more forgiving towards, or of, yourself, as well as bring you in closer touch with reality, because the goals you set for yourself are unrealistic and therefore you are bound to fail your expectations and feel disappointed in yourself, and as a result, in addition to having the many problems you have listed that already lead you to fear not having a ticket to heaven, you will have an additional problem of failing the expectations you have set for yourself, which will lead to disappointment, self-hatred, and lower self-esteem, none of which are particularly helpful to anybody. Moreover, it is possible (though not guaranteed) that you do what you do sexually (I have never done any of those specific things so I cannot comment from personal experience) to alleviate the feelings of hurt, and therefore, the more you restrict yourself, the more feelings of hurt you will experience, the more you will do the things that make you feel disappointed in yourself, and the more...

... in other words, a downward spiral, a self-fulfilling prophecy, and the rest

... so you need to develop compassion for yourself as the order of the day, and then act out of the place of feeling compassion for self. Until you develop compassion for self, I do not think there would be much positive change in your life. OK, so that is 100% serious without a trace of sarcasm.

Good luck.

hamster-bamster · 01:17 AM

On a yet more serious note, your main problem seems to stem from the fact that you lack any understanding of the most basic principles of ethics. You say that you are Christian but being Christian does not automatically reveal principles of ethics.

For one, the sexual experience you had with the guy who penetrated you orally and rectally against your explicit objections is called rape and is criminal, yet you somehow do not see it as such and do not call it rape. For one, you probably need therapy as a victim of rape which was exacerbated by repeat occurrences. You dwell on the issue of intact hymen which is a

hamster-bamster · Jun 01, 2013 at 01:22 AM

technical issue but fail to see that you were a victim of a violent crime which is a serious issue and NOT a technicality.

For another, you seem to not understand that the most basic question that you need to ask yourself before you engage in any act is whether anybody would be hurt by it.

When you engage in phone sex with complete strangers (again, I personally do not see the point in doing that, but if you like it while you do it, there is a valid reason for you), nobody gets hurt, so it is OK to do that. "whether somebody gets hurt" is not a technical question - it is the most important question there exists.

Finally, to the extent that I am quite prepared to talk about heaven on a symbolic level, a ticket to heaven is not purchased via abstinence from phone sex with strangers.

A ticket to heaven is something you need to EARN WITH GOOD DEEDS, OK?

So instead of tormenting yourself with whether you do or do not watch lesbian whatever you watch, DO SOMETHING GOOD!

- Sign up to volunteer at your local hospice, and spend six months changing the diapers and holding hands of old people who are dying. After only six months of doing that, I GUARANTEE, your relationship with god will improve by itself, because you will have earned it.

- find out how frequently one can donate blood and donate blood as frequently as it is allowed, unless you have really really low blood pressure.

- if you like animals, volunteer for your local rescue agency

And so on and so forth - I hope you get the point.

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hamster-bamster Account Suspended Member Since Sep 2011 Location: Northern California Posts: 14,805 (SuperPoster!) 12 3,729 hugs given	May 29, 2013 at 01:23 AM #2 What kind of prize do you want to obtain for staying away from anything sexual? If there are big monetary prizes awarded for staying away from anything sexual, I would really like to know because I stayed away from anything sexual for several years (it so happened) entirely and absolutely and now want to cash in to help me get out of debt. So please share.
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krisakira Magnate Member Since Aug 2010 Location: KS Posts: 2,231 13 6 hugs given	May 29, 2013 at 02:01 AM #3 Why are you trying to repress your sexual needs? __________________
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Poppy Princess Account Suspended Member Since Apr 2013 Location: Salem, N.H. Posts: 1,400 11 157 hugs given	May 29, 2013 at 11:37 PM #8 I think she would prefer sex tied in with emotion. That's what I'm getting at least. There is a Sexual Addiction section. You might find it more helpful there.
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