Dry spell or bad luck?

Well, the story is rather banal.. me and my partner went off sex.. to our surprise it's been over half a year, and we haven't even realised.
We've been together for about 1.5 years, but we were best friends before we became a couple. We shared a flat and generally were really close (which obviously enraged people we've been seeing ha), but it was absolutely platonic up until last Christmas when we both realised we were in love with each other.
This is the best relationship I ever had.. for the 1st time I can be myself, I don't want to 'leg it' (i've always had troubles maintaining a relationship and staying faithful), we never argue, we feel safe and secure.. He is my family. I can easily see myself getting old with him.. and for the 1st time I though about having a baby (i'm not particularly broody). I lost my brother a year ago.. and I can't imagine how would I deal with it if J. wasn't with me.
I'm bipolar, suffer from anxiety and a bunch of phobias.. he made my life better! I have not had a full blown manic episode in 2 years (I don't take mood stabilizers, they kill my emotions). I do get an odd period of hypomania now and then, but to be honest, I quite enjoy it. Have not been 'at the bottom' for any prolonged period of time either. And now the possibility of losing him is so scary that I don't even want to think about it.
yesterday I had my 1st meltdown in ages triggered by a possibility of us splitting up. That just scared the living **** out of me! I love him, truly love him! Maybe there's no passion, but it never was! We used to have fantastic sex, but then it went to once a week, then to once a month.. he was studying full-time and working every weekend, I was working shifts (which was horrible).. So, every evening we would just get stoned and watch some crap cause we were so tired. Then initiating sex became really weird cause we would be scared of rejection (due to tiredness or general feeling of 'meh').. Last couple of times we tried it just felt wrong. We talked and talked about 'doing something', but were just ending up stoned on the couch every evening saying that we'll do something tomorrow. In my head I would blame him for not doing anything, but what did I do? Nothing. I know that we spend too much time together, we don't make any effort apart from talking about making effort.. But we have a wonderful relationship (despite losing sexual attraction).. we have 4 animals and a lovely flat..

I know that losing him can destroy me. I'm not particularly fond of life (even though I have everything), but he makes me feel that it's going to be ok because I'm not alone. I don't want to lose my true love..

any suggestions on how to want each other again? Cause as of lately when I get horny, I just help myself.. the thought of trying to have sex with my partner is scary. I don't feel wanted and I'm not sure I have any sexual feelings towards him.. but i don't want anyone else either.
I'm really desperate

Have you expressed any of the thoughts that you have shared in your post with him or has he with you? I've read your post several time and it seems to me you go back and forth. Hence the roller coaster ride. Is passion in reference to only sexual intercourse between the two of you? All the therapist that I've seen tell me that getting stoned causes apathy. I would like to argue with them and did until I heard it explained it to me that way. I'm in the U.S. but I assume you have the same medicine available to you as we do. I'm not suggesting you run out and get medicated and I don't know how many you have tried but it is worth researching. Where did the possibility of losing him come from? Has he told you he wants to leave? All it sounds like to me that you need to concentrate on first is developing a good line of communication. Please don't see me as the bad guy, just someone who would ask the same questions of myself. I'm a male and no expert on relationship's. I certainly hope that things work out well for you. My blessing from the states

I know this is not what the thread is about, but shift work is horrible for bipolar people because regular sleep is a core issue in bipolar management. Is it possible for you to get a regular daytime job instead? Since you are saying that you have everything, I am puzzled that you accepted a shift work schedule. Unless I misunderstood "have everything", of course.

Or was shift work something that you stopped doing? I am unclear from the post what you are doing with work now.

You did not have passion, but you did have fantastic sex - what made the sex fantastic in the absence of any passion?

I was doing shift work because it was the easiest way to get access to mental health field, and I needed relevant experience for my postgrad. I quit mid-May, doing nothing currently. Going to see my family for a month or so.. Starting my phd in September

we had really dirty sex, I could easily orgasm from penetration (which was a very rare thing for me).. there was no shame or shyness.. or any issue for that matter.. although, we never 'made love'.. even if we tried. it would turn into madness after like 1 minute

but we didn't have this excitement you usually get when just starting to date someone.. it was more like 'fancy a quicky?'

Yeah, passion in reference to sex.. which is gone.. and it's very frustrating.
I am on medication.. and because of it my life is bearable now.
We talked and talked and talked... but it's just going nowhere.. In one of those conversation a few days ago we told each other that neither of us wants another and we possibly should split up. We spoke again (duh) and decided to try something to save it.. but what? I tried dressing up sexy and offering him a cheeky blowjob (to what he said 'uhm maybe later').. it just doesn't go anywhere

I am afraid this is bad luck.

Be careful with sleep in your PHD program. It would be better than shift work but worse than a regular dday job, unless you apply enough self discipline.

Hopefully you will meet somebody, eitther a fellow studdent or a professor.

Thanks!
I have horrible sleeping patterns regardless.. either insomnia or too much sleep.. been like that since I was a kid.

Sure, a lot of people are like you - the tough part is that sleep is an issue for bipolar both ways: bipolar people tend to have horrible sleeping patterns, and, horrible sleeping patterns tend to cause or exacerbate episodes - lose/lose, which is very unfortunate and difficult to manage.

weirdly enough couldn't fall sleep till 8 am last night ha
I've been in a mixed state lately.. with no PRN left and feeling like I might explode any minute.. not good

Do you have any sleep medicine you take on a regular basis or do you just use something PRN?