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Confused213
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Default Jun 06, 2013 at 11:32 PM
  #1
Hey, everyone
So, I'm trying to figure some personal issues out.
Anyways, I was trying to remember pieces of my childhood.

At first, not much was coming back. But, as I kept digging and digging, I realized I was a really perverted child.
I know masturbation is normal in children, but how young is too young?
I was masturbating since I could remember (but I don't anymore because I cry...?)
Also, I knew a LOT about sex before my parents even told me about sex.
I knew about cunnilingus somewhere between ages 5-7.

I tried finding explanations for my behavior as well.
We didn't have cable when I was growing up, so I couldn't have been exposed to anything that way.

Also, we didn't have a computer that I would've had access to.

So, in light of all of this, I'm pretty confused.
I behaved really wrongly as a child. And I knew too much for my age.
Some of the things I did I can't even write down on here. This was when I was 5.

I already have some suspicions in my mind, but what do you think could be the cause?

Any insight?
Thanks

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Default Jun 07, 2013 at 12:50 AM
  #2
Are you trying to say that you have repressed memories of SA because you were very young when you became a victim of SA?
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Default Jun 07, 2013 at 06:42 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
Are you trying to say that you have repressed memories of SA because you were very young when you became a victim of SA?
I'm not sure, I'm trying to evaluate all of the possibilities.
What other things could cause this sort of behavior?

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"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" -Camus


since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
- cummings
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Default Jun 07, 2013 at 01:01 PM
  #4
You will need a therapist with whom you will be able to talk with full information. Since you cannot write things down on here, which is understandable, you will need a therapist whom you will trust and whom you will not fear, so that you can state everything and, together with the therapist, come to some conclusions.
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Default Jun 12, 2013 at 01:01 AM
  #5
If I'm being confrontational then I apologize, but...why are you sure there's a problem here?

You came to masturbation early, but what exactly did that hurt? Despite what mum tells us, I'm pretty sure masturbation never hurt anyone (and if it did, that's probably a matter of wrong technique). How can that be bad or wrong? If masturbation currently makes you cry, then I'm sorry...but I still don't see how it follows from that that you "behaved really wrongly" as a child.

Speaking for myself, farm kid. "Where babies come from" is something that you understand intuitively about the time you learn to talk by looking at animals. Again, no dark secrets there. If you aren't a farm kid then I suppose I don't know, but again I wouldn't think that an early understanding of sex, including sex for pleasure, is bad or symptomatic of a problem.

In my purely personal and unprofessional opinion, sexual knowledge and behavior like that is widespread and normal in children. As adults, we prefer to deny that fact because 1)pedophilia is a Very Bad Thing, but 2) pretending that children are nonsexual somehow causes less cognitive dissonance in a lot of people than admitting that exploitative, power-imbalanced relationships are the Very Bad Things. Because really internalizing THAT idea might have profound ramifications as to how they lived their life.

Anyway, you sound very ashamed of your childhood sexuality, and all I can say is, there's no reason to be ashamed of it. Even if it was atypical, which I suspect it wasn't, it still wouldn't be wrong without the involvement of an adult, and then YOU wouldn't be the wrong part.

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Thanks for this!
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Default Jun 12, 2013 at 09:03 PM
  #6
Quote:
Originally Posted by patchwork5 View Post
If I'm being confrontational then I apologize, but...why are you sure there's a problem here?

You came to masturbation early, but what exactly did that hurt? Despite what mum tells us, I'm pretty sure masturbation never hurt anyone (and if it did, that's probably a matter of wrong technique). How can that be bad or wrong? If masturbation currently makes you cry, then I'm sorry...but I still don't see how it follows from that that you "behaved really wrongly" as a child.

Speaking for myself, farm kid. "Where babies come from" is something that you understand intuitively about the time you learn to talk by looking at animals. Again, no dark secrets there. If you aren't a farm kid then I suppose I don't know, but again I wouldn't think that an early understanding of sex, including sex for pleasure, is bad or symptomatic of a problem.

In my purely personal and unprofessional opinion, sexual knowledge and behavior like that is widespread and normal in children. As adults, we prefer to deny that fact because 1)pedophilia is a Very Bad Thing, but 2) pretending that children are nonsexual somehow causes less cognitive dissonance in a lot of people than admitting that exploitative, power-imbalanced relationships are the Very Bad Things. Because really internalizing THAT idea might have profound ramifications as to how they lived their life.

Anyway, you sound very ashamed of your childhood sexuality, and all I can say is, there's no reason to be ashamed of it. Even if it was atypical, which I suspect it wasn't, it still wouldn't be wrong without the involvement of an adult, and then YOU wouldn't be the wrong part.
Thanks
I'm definitely not sure of anything happening to me as a child.
I just remembered the recurring nightmares I had of being molested when I was like four and to this day I have similar nightmares. I'm sure they weren't fantasies, or at least I hope not. That with the idea of a 5 year old engaging in cunnilingus freaked me out.

Perhaps nothing happened. Maybe I just don't want to accept the fact that I was a very sexual child. Being sexual is not something that I'm ashamed of. However, the way I acted on these desires (which I have not written and do not plan to write. It went beyond early masturbation) was quite dysfunctional and I would not encourage my behavior to anyone.

Thanks again

__________________
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" -Camus


since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
- cummings

Last edited by Confused213; Jun 12, 2013 at 09:05 PM.. Reason: Typo
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Default Jun 14, 2013 at 07:24 PM
  #7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Confused213 View Post
Thanks
I'm definitely not sure of anything happening to me as a child.
I just remembered the recurring nightmares I had of being molested when I was like four and to this day I have similar nightmares. I'm sure they weren't fantasies, or at least I hope not. That with the idea of a 5 year old engaging in cunnilingus freaked me out.

Perhaps nothing happened. Maybe I just don't want to accept the fact that I was a very sexual child. Being sexual is not something that I'm ashamed of. However, the way I acted on these desires (which I have not written and do not plan to write. It went beyond early masturbation) was quite dysfunctional and I would not encourage my behavior to anyone.

Thanks again
Nightmares suggest PTSD. With nightmares you would be well advised to seek T.

There is no "line", to answer the question in the title of the thread. But, recurring nightmares need to be explored.
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Default Jun 24, 2013 at 06:08 PM
  #8
When i saw a T , that T felt quite strongly i have Borderline Personality Disorder. And he kept pushing to discover if i had some sexual abuse or repressed memories. I am quite sure i dont but was HUGELY sexual as a child. Masturbated since i first realized i could. I know that they say BPD often has early childhood sexuality as a 'symptom'... but yeah i don't think its' that abnormal. If it causes us distress then, then yeah, it needs to be dealt with.
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