Boyfriend can't perform in bed, need advice!

ONCE AGAIN: You did turn him on. There was no issue with his not being turned on. The issue was with the absence of ejaculations. And, in general, there is nothing wrong with having a bigger *** but more on this later (mine is average and I would not mind having a bigger one - not that I am unhappy as is, but, the point is, an *** (I am sorry this software will make this word into asterisks) is an asset for a REASON and not just because the two words contain the same letters. It is an asset and not anything to be ashamed of or not proud of.

Further, he had the problem of non-ejaculation with other ladies. That should settle it for you. There is nothing you did wrong, nothing in your looks that is wrong, nothing wrong with you on any level, OK?.. It was and is his problem and he is gone, and good riddance. The problem is unusual so the likelihood that you will run into something like this again is low - rejoice. The next man would be better.

I've never been happier and in love than with him...every other aspect of the relationship is awesome except this area...:-/

Yes.

It can be like that with men for various reasons. If he was really turned off he wouldn't be getting erect. It could well be so much masturbation has made his penis less sensitive and he needs to use his hand.

Don't be getting down because he watched porn. A lot of men watch porn. It becomes an issue of the man prefers porn to sex. I think in his case he could have trained his penis to masturbation and not sex.

is or was?

Does it matter if he doesn't finish then. I mean if he is ok with it, or does he get upset?

When I was taking Prozac for a while, it gave me the same problem as him. I still enjoyed sex, it just took a lot to get me done. Sometimes I didn't finish. After a little bit I was okay with it. Then I switched my meds and things went back to normal.

I guess my point is that if he is okay with not being able to ejaculate, but still enjoys sex, is that a big problem? Lesbian couples could go all night if they wanted, but after a certain point they are satsified and stop. What is to say him ejaculating is when sex is over. It sounds like he is performing well. Having an erection is about physical attractiveness and the sensation of touch. Having an orgasm is total a mental thing. Your brain tells your body when it is time.

sorry i meant was

He wasnt happy with it either...said there was no passion so thats his reason for not being able to perform

Some women can't climax through intercourse alone. Maybe some men are like that too. Could you ejaculate him through other means such as a handjob?

Nope I tried all different ways of making him cum and nothing worked.

Oh, you are back, so I wanted to share with you what one of my one-time acquaintances said to me about what you described as the combination of a larger than usual behind with smaller-than-average breasts.

That woman was wickedly sexy with natural red hair, refined facial features, a wasp waist, broad, full hips, and - yes, a big ***. And flat-chested.

She was in her late 20s.

So she astonished me with the following theory of hers. Actually, she did not present it as theory - she presented it as facts.

According to her, Freud wrote that female breasts are a symbolic representation of female ***, and that "true" men lust after the *** and only after the *** because they do not settle for any kind of symbolic representation - only incomplete, infantile, unworthy, sissy men lust after breasts because such men are afraid to be truly masculine.

She blurted it out with conviction when we were trying on summer dresses at a department store together. What prompted her was my dissatisfaction with the fact that some of the dresses looked great but were too tight in the bust and thus no good for me. So then she explained to me that my having bigger breasts not only severely limited me in the choice of clothing, but also prevented me from meeting truly masculine men who are not afraid of their sexuality.

She was a PhD student in humanities and I was a MS student in a quantitative, boring discipline full of such drudgery as data analysis. I did not read Freud in the course of my academic studies and she must have read Freud (or so I assumed).

Since then she has married, given birth to two children, and is an assistant professor at a prestigious university on the East Coast.

Back when I knew her, various boyfriends and ex boyfriends from various locales were mentioned, with an emphasis on Latin American men because, according to her, Latin American men tended to appreciate the true female sexuality in the form of a big *** more so than did their North American and European counterparts. That said, the intrusive attention of the chair of her department (who was an older man from Europe) necessitated her contacting campus student services in order to get help as a victim of sexual harassment. I conclude that some European men are audacious enough to appreciate true female sexuality.

I advise you to take that woman's stance on things ASAP.

Interesting you mention that..cause I'm Indian (dot Indian not feather, ha!) and I've always had Latinos and Black men interested in my booty compared to other nationalities. The man whom I just broke up with and been talking over this forum about is Jewish. He always said he was a breast kinda guy not so much the booty...

His loss.

Do you wear ethnic clothes? Sari-pants-sandals? A lot of women around here do, regardless of occupation and level of academic achievement, and they look oh so sexy and carry themselves with a lot of grace. I also had an Indian colleague who did not wear ethnic clothes - she was a jeans/T-shirt girl plus she commuted by bike which necessitated jeans - but was amazingly sexy due to a combination of curviness (a large well-shaped behind and wide hips + a very narrow waist + average sized bust) and the way she moved her body - so gracefully. She does Indian dance (I do not know what kind and there must be so many in such a diverse, big country as India) and performs, from time to time; she also rents a studio to both practice and teach dance to others (her day job is software engineering). I have not seen her dance but recently asked her to add me to her mailing list so that I can learn of her next performance and go.

At any rate - re the Jewish man who could not perform - other than "his loss", I have nothing to add.

Thanks...Yes I do wear ethnic clothes but not everyday..just to functions such as weddings, receptions or engagement parties...lotsa those poppin up nowadays lol

I strongly agree with High Treason. Sometimes I think about having another one-night stand or two because I keep getting told I am nowhere near ready for a long term relationship. If I decide to, I'll use condoms with one-nighters. But with a long-term partner, I NEVER wanna use condoms. I want the full feeling to maximize the pleasure for us both. I'm STI-free, and as long as my partner would get tested and have her doctor show me the results, I can be safe going condomless.

I can't stand condom preaching. I'm sterile and my plans for when to use condoms & when not to are done deals. As for different sexual activities, they don't have to go exactly as I've been imagining them. After all, I just had a discussion on my own thread and I kinda felt hopeless for a couple hours because I just can't find any prospective LTR partners.