Straight but gay acting

OK, this may seem weird but it's something that I think about a lot.

I'm straight but I have this obsession that people think I'm gay. It's not entirely unfounded because in the past people have asked me, I've been propositioned by men and one friendship ended when I realized that the guy probably had a crush on me (or just enjoyed making homophobic jokes at my expense).

If I was gay this would all be good news but I'm not. I'm not homophobic so it doesn't really bother me if some people think I'm gay. I've come to assume that I either look or act gay in some way. I'm soft spoken, I seem to always end up listening attentively to women (which I enjoy) - at work right now, there's a girl who I fancy like mad and who talks to me a lot but in the back of my mind I'm scared to make a move as feel she possibly just sees me as a 'safe' guy.

I've had girlfriends and full relationships but they never last for long and there are long lonely years between them.

Maybe a lot of it is insecurity and it would vanish if I was in a long term relationship. Just wondering if anybody else has had similar issues?

I have guy friends who get propositioned by men due to good looks. Yet they are straight and have always had female partners only. Just accept it as a compliment and try to work out some sort of an arrangement that would enable you to express your interest in the girl you fancy like mad.

The guy who made homophobic jokes at your expense does not sound nice; that is not the way to act on a crush (if he had a crush on you). I think you did the right thing ending that friendship.

I often worry that I'm not acting gay enough. I'm always so worried I'm acting too straight, especially around those I'm interested in. It isn't until hacking my hair off that I was able to feel comfortable, even though I act pretty much the same I always have. I've always been the shy quiet girls, as you probably always have been the straight slightly effeminate guy. Gay and straight personalities are just huge generalizations within themselves, often formed around stereotypes. Be you and only you. Try not to worry so much about the opinions of others.

And as for the lady situation, I think you should just tell her. You could say something like, "I can't believe people think I'm gay! I mean, have you seen Beyonce?!" Well, maybe not the Beyonce bit.. Either way, good luck to you!

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, being myself is key I think. I'm comfortable with my sexuality and if others get confused by it then I suppose that's their problem really.

As for the friend, I think he was just a bully. I suppose a lot of people have friendships with uneven power balances sometimes and if self esteem is at a low, it makes us more vulnerable to them.

It's a nice feeling to step out from under other people's shadows and just enjoy life for what it is. I'm going to enjoy being single while hoping for the best. As for the girl at work, I've decided to ask her to a gig as we have similar music tastes and take it from there. Maybe we'll just be friends, maybe she'll say no. I think the worse thing I could do is not try. Rejection isn't so bad and at least gives us the opportunity to learn and move on.

You really should act yourself. Straight or gay acting is the worst thing you can do to your self esteem. It just means you have interiorised the things the bully said to you.

I'm straight, and I've had men hit on me. I take it as a compliment.

I am straight - i think - and I have had people think I'm gay and ask if i'm gay since 8 years ago (i was 11-12) when i was with a girl under the table telling ghost stories.

At first I was offended but now it's all good however I act gay sometimes cause I now question my own sexuality

Yeah, be who you are. So often we label people based on our impressions. But we never actually know until they tell us.