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Default Jun 20, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  #21
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Originally Posted by Mapleton View Post
I SO agree with this.

First, I was really sympathetic with you (heyitsme7) until you said in another thread how liberally shameful the rest of your generation was. Not cool. As long as everyone isn't hurting anyone else, what they do for pleasure in privacy is their concern only. Don't impose your morality on them.

I've read that you feel like you feel like there is also an issue with speaking your native cultures language. That, plus the socializing thing tells me you really need to reach out for some professional help.

The porn/masturbation thing can be compulsive, but isn't necessarily unhealthy... and its certainly not your primary issue.

You're still young and you may find that counseling is going to get a lot more expensive soon, so I would investigate it ASAP... and try to concentrate first on your issues with culture and socializing, because the way it appears, you have a co-morbid issue with your sexuality, BECAUSE of the underlying problem.

P.S. I read in your posts where you ask if S.A.A is free. From what I've read, all of the 12 step tradition meetings are free. But seek general psychotherapy counseling 1st
I am not trying to impose my morality on them. It's just that i prefer someone tell me that I've been doing things wrong so that I can seek help now. I mean, really, i would rather socialize.
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Default Jun 20, 2013 at 11:48 PM
  #22
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Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
Look for summertime volunteering?
I am volunteering right now, though. I wish I had done so sooner.
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Default Jun 20, 2013 at 11:52 PM
  #23
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Originally Posted by heyitsme7 View Post
I am not trying to impose my morality on them. It's just that i prefer someone tell me that I've been doing things wrong so that I can seek help now. I mean, really, i would rather socialize.
The sex part is actually very normal for a 17 year old. Not shameful.

The only thing you could do wrong is not try to get someone else to help you (if that's a logistical possibility,) when you have the option to do so.

You seem troubled, and are reaching out for help. A forum is great, but its no substitute for professional help.

No one needs to feel personal shame the way you are right now.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 06:36 PM
  #24
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Originally Posted by heyitsme7 View Post
I am volunteering right now, though. I wish I had done so sooner.
That is great that you are - focus on the now and the near future and not on what you wish you had done.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 06:46 PM
  #25
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Originally Posted by Mapleton View Post
P.S. I read in your posts where you ask if S.A.A is free. From what I've read, all of the 12 step tradition meetings are free. But seek general psychotherapy counseling 1st
From what I know, the meetings in such programs are almost free - they are held on the premises of a church or another tax-exempt body and a donation is requested but not required.

There are many issues with these programs, though, and the issues loom large and, in my opinion, more than cancel out the "free" part of the offer.

These programs inculcate powerlessness as one of their first and obligatory steps.

These programs also have no or little evidentiary proof. In other words, just because somebody attends the program does not make the program effective. Moreover, since I have seen people frequent AA meetings year in and year out without any changes, it seems that the AA is notoriously ineffective (unless it is the case that people attend meetings seeking socialization only). I have also heard one PhD psychologist say that the rate of effectiveness of AA is equal to that of a placebo - in other words, if you try to quit alcohol completely on your own, without any sort of support, you would be just as likely to quit as you would be signing up for programs. The (lack of) effectiveness of AA does not automatically render SA ineffective since the rate of effectiveness of each flavor of a 12-step program should be evaluated separately. The general notion remains though - the programs teach you to be powerless.

Professional psychotherapy is, at least ideally, quite distinct because it does NOT teach you to be powerless. That is a huge difference.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 08:15 PM
  #26
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Originally Posted by heyitsme7 View Post
I am not trying to impose my morality on them. It's just that i prefer someone tell me that I've been doing things wrong so that I can seek help now. I mean, really, i would rather socialize.

That's the thing, about being on a psyche board. In therapy, it's taught that feelings aren't about being right or wrong.

It's hard, starting high school, as the new person, I know, I was moved around a few times in my lifetime. I went from 7th grade to 8th grade in different states. Then in 10th grade I transferred to a new city, altogether.

It's hard not having all those social bonds that others form through the years of growing up together. Even the parents involved aren't as familiar with one another. My 4th grader, soon to be 5th grader, often talks about others, in terms of what grade they started his school.

These others kids in your school, could very well have been out playing sports together since they were kids. 5/6 year old kids.

Society is difficult too, because some households have two parents working and others have one. And without the bonding over the years of time spent at various events together, how is so and so's parents even supposed to realize that maybe they could offer to have the new kid over to their home for dinner.

And if you aren't reaching out to say, hey, let's hang out together, how would your IRL friends know that you may want to get out of the home?

Do you use XBOX LIVE, at all?! It's been really fun to listen to my son, talk to his classmates!!!
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 08:54 PM
  #27
I can come up with one thing that is wrong about this!

You are a Minor Child, according to the Legal Laws in the USA.

It is illegal for someone under the age of 18 to go into these sites and view the content. Your parents could be in serious troubles.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 10:26 PM
  #28
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
That's the thing, about being on a psyche board. In therapy, it's taught that feelings aren't about being right or wrong.

It's hard, starting high school, as the new person, I know, I was moved around a few times in my lifetime. I went from 7th grade to 8th grade in different states. Then in 10th grade I transferred to a new city, altogether.

It's hard not having all those social bonds that others form through the years of growing up together. Even the parents involved aren't as familiar with one another. My 4th grader, soon to be 5th grader, often talks about others, in terms of what grade they started his school.

These others kids in your school, could very well have been out playing sports together since they were kids. 5/6 year old kids.

Society is difficult too, because some households have two parents working and others have one. And without the bonding over the years of time spent at various events together, how is so and so's parents even supposed to realize that maybe they could offer to have the new kid over to their home for dinner.

And if you aren't reaching out to say, hey, let's hang out together, how would your IRL friends know that you may want to get out of the home?

Do you use XBOX LIVE, at all?! It's been really fun to listen to my son, talk to his classmates!!!
nope, I don't have any video games. I don't consider myself to be that spoiled.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 10:27 PM
  #29
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I can come up with one thing that is wrong about this!

You are a Minor Child, according to the Legal Laws in the USA.

It is illegal for someone under the age of 18 to go into these sites and view the content. Your parents could be in serious troubles.
lots of teenagers have watched porn. I have asked them how i can quit porn but they seem to be just as confused as I am. They're kind of like, "oh, if it satisfies you, do it."
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 10:43 PM
  #30
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Originally Posted by heyitsme7 View Post
I am not trying to impose my morality on them. It's just that i prefer someone tell me that I've been doing things wrong so that I can seek help now. I mean, really, i would rather socialize.
Well, we are telling you to get help and you haven't asked the basic question of "How do I get help and how do I change?"

You just repeat the that you have a problem with porn and a need for socializing.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 10:47 PM
  #31
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Well, we are telling you to get help and you haven't asked the basic question of "How do I get help and how do I change?"

You just repeat the that you have a problem with porn and a need for socializing.
well is seeing a therapist enough? How can I be more social with my friends if they don't invite me out?
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 10:50 PM
  #32
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well is seeing a therapist enough? How can I be more social with my friends if they don't invite me out?
A therapist will come up with a plan for you.

You have to stop believing that people will do things for you and come to you all the time. That is highly unrealistic. YOU have to reach out to others. YOU have to invite your friends to go out and do things or YOU will be lonely. You cannot expect others to reach out to you.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 10:52 PM
  #33
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A therapist will come up with a plan for you.

You have to stop believing that people will do things for you and come to you all the time. That is highly unrealistic. YOU have to reach out to others. YOU have to invite your friends to go out and do things or YOU will be lonely. You cannot expect others to reach out to you.
okay, but what if i invite them and they're constantly busy?
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 11:13 PM
  #34
Plan a day ahead of time, wait until they are free, or find other friends to hang out with.
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Default Jun 21, 2013 at 11:17 PM
  #35
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Plan a day ahead of time, wait until they are free, or find other friends to hang out with.
Great suggestions. Thanks, drskipper. you really can be a doctor, haha.
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Default Jun 22, 2013 at 12:36 AM
  #36
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And if you aren't reaching out to say, hey, let's hang out together, how would your IRL friends know that you may want to get out of the home?

Do you use XBOX LIVE, at all?! It's been really fun to listen to my son, talk to his classmates!!!

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nope, I don't have any video games. I don't consider myself to be that spoiled.
OK, so I think I am beginning to understand why you have problems with socialization.

Let us look at what happened / transpired on the thread.

healingme4me tried to help you. You asked for help and she tried to help you. She suggested video games. She also mentioned her son and his classmates, which made me assume that her son and his classmates enjoy video games.

So... what did you do in response healingme4me's posts?

Did you acknowledge her intention to help you? NO.

Did you thank her? NO.

Did you simply, neutrally state that you do not have video games? NO.

You made a strong negative judgment of people who play video games (which implied a judgment of healingme4me's son and his classmates). healingme4me spent her time posting, trying to help you, and in response received what you wrote - that her son and his classmates are, in your opinion, much more spoiled than you are.

So if this is how you interact IRL, no wonder your friends are too busy to hang out with you. And THAT, unlike your porn use, is hugely important for proper socialization.

Did healingme4me ask for your opinion on how spoiled people who play video games are? If I tell you that it is not idiomatic per SWE (Standard Written English) to say "I don't consider myself to be that spoiled." - you should say, instead, "I don't consider myself that spoiled." - in the context of this thread which is NOT about how well you use SWE, would you welcome my comment?
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Default Jun 22, 2013 at 01:01 AM
  #37
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OK, so I think I am beginning to understand why you have problems with socialization.

Let us look at what happened / transpired on the thread.

healingme4me tried to help you. You asked for help and she tried to help you. She suggested video games. She also mentioned her son and his classmates, which made me assume that her son and his classmates enjoy video games.

So... what did you do in response healingme4me's posts?

Did you acknowledge her intention to help you? NO.

Did you thank her? NO.

Did you simply, neutrally state that you do not have video games? NO.

You made a strong negative judgment of people who play video games (which implied a judgment of healingme4me's son and his classmates). healingme4me spent her time posting, trying to help you, and in response received what you wrote - that her son and his classmates are, in your opinion, much more spoiled than you are.

So if this is how you interact IRL, no wonder your friends are too busy to hang out with you. And THAT, unlike your porn use, is hugely important for proper socialization.

Did healingme4me ask for your opinion on how spoiled people who play video games are? If I tell you that it is not idiomatic per SWE (Standard Written English) to say "I don't consider myself to be that spoiled." - you should say, instead, "I don't consider myself that spoiled." - in the context of this thread which is NOT about how well you use SWE, would you welcome my comment?
I did not imply that her son was spoiled. I'm just saying that if i were spoiled, I would have tons of video games. I just don't consider myself spoiled nor did i imply that her son was spoiled.
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Default Jun 22, 2013 at 01:19 AM
  #38
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Originally Posted by heyitsme7 View Post
I did not imply that her son was spoiled. I'm just saying that if i were spoiled, I would have tons of video games. I just don't consider myself spoiled nor did i imply that her son was spoiled.
I see that you did not mean to imply that her son was spoiled.

Why did you feel the need to say that you did not consider yourself spoiled?

There was the option of saying, neutrally and factually, that you do not have video games. Left at that.

But you said the part about not being spoiled. Why?
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Default Jun 22, 2013 at 02:18 AM
  #39
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I see that you did not mean to imply that her son was spoiled.

Why did you feel the need to say that you did not consider yourself spoiled?

There was the option of saying, neutrally and factually, that you do not have video games. Left at that.

But you said the part about not being spoiled. Why?
being honestly kids who have video games and nintendos are pretty much spoiled. my friend is obsessed with his. I was at the library the other day and he was all about his pokemon and stuff like that. He kept talking about it and when he asked me if i knew what this character was, i was like no and he was like you do not have a life and i'm like sure, i don't. If I did, i would not be watching porn and masturbating. I omitted the last sentence.
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Default Jun 22, 2013 at 08:26 AM
  #40
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nope, I don't have any video games. I don't consider myself to be that spoiled.
I saw, that it wasn't your intention to imply my child is 'spoiled'. Although, there's being spoiled with love and being spoiled rotten. Spoiled, just happens to be one of those words that can touch nerves because it has a few different meanings.

I was suggesting video games, as a means to socialize with other people your own age.

My son and his friends connect on this system, live, and have little party chats.

I know for a fact, the high school kids in my town, do the same thing. As do the middle school kids. ((I used to work at the high school for three years, before I got the promotion where I work.))

fyi, it was his BDAY present. He could either get that system, or have a bday party. He chose the gaming system, that he'd asked for. He'd asked for 2-3 years before receiving it. After I saw, he was able to handle confrontation, on-line through another gaming site.

My kids are little gamers, and I feel, considering some in my family are engineers, that this is a great skill to have. He's also, learned how to keyboard, and frankly, he has taught some of his teacher and classmates how to use a computer.

Gaming is a great outlet for boys(and girls), in my opinion. Maybe, he'll grow up and become a programmer??
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