Unsure of sexuality.

I am so confused about my true sexuality. I know i have feeling for women. I always find myself thinking and fantasizing about attractive women like celebrities. But the confusing part is i don't know whether i am attracting to them in a romantically/physically way or am i just simply looking for an affectionate, caring mother figure in my life to be my surrogate mother. Me and my mom never get along well at all while i was growing up. She and me always fight and argue with eachother. Sometime i simply want to be held by those women i am attracting to. Yet sometime i want to kiss them, and to be intimated with them. I am always find myself falling for heterosexual woman that have authority figure over me. They are my ex-therapist, teacher and professors and even the librarian at my school. I just never falling for a woman that are attracting to another woman. I keep repeating the same vicious cycle over and over again and getting myself hurt in the end.

I hear you. I eventually settled on considering myself bisexual. I also crave the caring and loe. Sometimes it also depends on the guy we are with - are they meeting all our needs?

I am kind of similar because I have fallen for 3 teachers who were males, 1 female therapist, and 1 friend that I consider to be a mother figure. When I say fallen, it is confusing though. I was never consumed with sexual fantasies about them, yet I thought about them all the time and in somewhat romantic ways. Though I consider myself to be straight and not even bisexual, I do not hesitate to say that if either my female therapist or friend tried to kiss me, I would not stop it. And I have imagined sexual things with my T. I think it is definitely about wanting to bond with her on every level. To feel that passion for each other. It's more about feeling unconditional, complete love from a parental figure and less about same-sex desires. This is just me at least! It is completely understandable that you are confused and I hope you can sort it out in time.

I think that one day the woman for you will appear and you won't need to worry about fantasizing over women you can't have.

I think you've already identified yourself what and why you're seeking it.

I think the reason that you probably sexualise your surrogate mother figures is to try to make sense of your desires to your sub-conscious.

Part of you feel that what you're seeking isn't normal, and in todays society it isn't. Howver there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. A generation or so ago you'd probably have found the surrogate in your grandmother, and some people still do, but as families become more and more individualised it's just less feisable for this to happen naturally.

It's a really confusing time being a teenager or a young adult, and everybody wishes they had somebody there to offer them support, encouragement, and comfort when nessacary.

To an extent you'll probably feel it naturally largely subsiding as you become more emotionally and financially stable and are nolonger seriously missing the emotional support that you don't currently have.

The comfort, and support you desire could easily be fulfilled with a relationship of either sex if you find the right person

I wonder if you can you learn to live with the possibility of being a different sexuality? I knew someone who was experiencing the same sort of thing as you and eventually they just said to themselves and the world at large; 'i don't know - and it's ok to not know because sometimes there isn't a clear answer.' I'm a firm believer in that sexuality is more fluid than we realize - you may be more attracted to either sex at one point in your life but that doesn't have to invite classification nor does it have to mean it's simply a 'phase.' I agree that that's a very grey area to live in and being a very black and white person myself i admit i would find it difficult. However i think the point of being with someone is that your needs are fulfilled in a happy, loving and secure way. Both men and women are capable of that. I hope you find peace with your situation.

I think it's normal for you to be confused. Most people (probably actually all people) are not 100% gay or straight and sexuality is really quite fluid. I don't like that we put such labels on it, but humans like labels so we have this predicament.

Just from what you said, it definitely does sound like you are both attracted romantically and sexuality to women. I am not attracted to women in either way, but I also struggle with looking for replacement mother figures. However, when I identify someone as a "'mother figure", my fantasies about her are solely wanting to be adopted and cared for like a literal mother/daughter. I have never had any desire to kiss them, or be held by them, or do anything even remotely intimate.

I think that being attracted to almost exclusively straight women is a different issue entirely. It's like you're setting yourself up for failure because it will never work in your favor. I know that I am personally more comfortable around gay men because the idea of mutual sexual tension freaks me out. I also don't have a good relationship with my dad and I'm scared of being rejected by men so I mostly associate with gay men.

I don't know if hearing the perspective of someone who has only experienced the mother figure part of this is at all helpful. I'm sorry you're going through this

No. All this stuff about fluidity is fluidly and flexibly great, but there are people are are 100% straight. I am more than 100% straight and I have been with men who are more than 100% straight. My first ex H had some gay tendencies and my second ex H was more than 100% straight. I know other men who are 100% straight.

What seems to be happening is that people who are 100% straight become 100% straight in childhood, many many years before puberty and regardless of puberty. I am not certain, but that is how it seems to be happening. People who are 100% straight have feelings for the opposite sex that are not hormonal in any way and those feelings developed very early - in kindergarten. That seems to be how the foundation of being 100% straight is laid.

It is really good to conceive of it as a continuum, something fluid, etc. etc., but not take it to an extreme: there are enough people who are perfectly straight.

I am 100% straight. I have never experienced an attraction to women while I have experienced attractions to men. I was this way in early childhood too before hormonal changes. I always wanted to be with a guy and I'm actually quite turned off by women.

However, I still subscribe to the idea that sexuality is on a spectrum and fluid. It's not common, but there are people who identify as straight for years and years and never experience any homosexual tendencies until one day meeting someone of the same sex that they experience an attraction to for whatever reason. Plus there are plenty of people who identify as straight but occasionally have homosexual fantasies or have someone of the same sex they say they would "go gay for". I don't have any fantasies of that nature or any "girl crushes". However, I don't think that just because I have not experienced anything of that nature that it means it's completely impossible. I don't think it's likely that I will, but I think human sexuality is much more complicated than "gay" and "straight".

I could be wrong. There needs to be much more studies done on the topic of sexuality.

Right.

But when I mention personal experience and experience with men, I am talking about people who are in their 40s to 90s. So I sort of think "well, if not by now, then never, right?"

But of course you are still right and anything can happen to us until we die.

So I think may be it is that - if the orientation tends towards one or the other extreme on the spectrum of fluidity, it probably starts early, pre-puberty, but if it vacillates and gets explored actively during and post puberty, then people probably end up more in the middle of the spectrum of fluidity. Have you read any research that looks at this?

Unfortunately, there isn't a ton of research on the topic that I can find. I know that some scientists agree with the fluid sexuality idea and others don't. There is a sexuality scale called I think the Kinsey Scale and a grid that incorporates more than just gay and straight which places sexuality on a spectrum and I think that is the direction most research is headed in.

You also have to consider sociological aspects to human sexuality. Maybe as a kid, I wanted to be with a boy because I saw adults in heterosexual relationships. I don't mean at all that seeing people in relationships makes you develop that sexuality, but that children emulate adults. I have a friend who has two moms. As a kid, her Barbie dolls had either two moms or two dads. She turned out to be straight. However, I know some people who say that they always knew they were "different" and always had feelings for the same gender. I don't know.

Also, if I (maybe you too) were to see a girl and experience a level of attraction, it's possible that we would not allow ourselves to experience that. It would be too confusing and we'd automatically shut it out.

Sexuality is interesting. I wish I knew more.

I would allow myself to experience attraction to a girl because I have been told by someone (a gay man whom I like and trust and respect a lot) that same sex relationships are better, open more horizons, etc.

But I still cannot make myself.

This is just a comment in passing. Other than that, everything that you said makes a whole lot of sense, and I, too, wish I knew more about it.

I was never attracted to women until my early 20s. Even now, it's not all women. It has nothing to do with looks. But I just connect with some women. But right now I am with a male - my long-term boyfriend

Well, I imagine you wouldn't be attracted to all women just as I'm not attracted to all men. I am sometimes attracted to men for their looks but I consider that being more of a purely sexual attraction as opposed to a romantic attraction. Maybe you are sexually heterosexual and romantically bisexual. I'm just speculating based on like basically two sentences you wrote and I'm not in anyway claiming to know your sexuality. I just wanted to comment on romantic vs sexual attraction because that adds a whole new layer of complexity to the topic.