[LiteraryLark]

My general golden rule online is to never pay for porn, because there are so many videos out there that there is nothing special worth paying to see, and most of it is a scam.

However, I have been using the site fetlife for over a year now and on the site they post the most popular BDSM photos and videos. The videos, however, are for members only. At first, I thought, there is no way I am paying for porn. But for the past six months I've been thinking it over. This is BDSM porn made by mostly amateurs who are also members of the site, and the videos look so intense and amazing, and these videos are hard to find on other sites. I always get really bummed out when I see a video that looks good and has a bunch of positive comments on it and I can't watch it. The site is asking for $5 a month, or $30 for 6 months and it will also grant me a bunch of other features for using the site, and fetlife is a legit site so it won't rip me off. I know I'll be using the site for a long time.

Ultimately, the problem is that I feel dirty about paying for porn, even if it's a legit site and costs very little, but I want to watch BDSM videos on this site. It feels strange to ask about buying porn, but I'm pretty conflicted and I've never paid for porn before.

[hamster-bamster]

I do not watch, but hope to help you out with the general approach.

The general approach is "you get what you pay for".

It applies throughout.

Applied to your situation, it should hopefully show you the way out of feeling dirty.

Also, I cannot understand what makes you feel dirty.

[LiteraryLark]

Does anyone have experience paying for porn? Is it discreet? I don't know if it's a waste of money or not.

[hamster-bamster]

I have thought more about this and I think your feeling dirty and your general hesitation are due to incorrect conceptualization and your using wrong terminology.

Using wrong terminology stems from a failure to approach the issue at the right level of generality. You approach it as a sex-specific issue, which is why your language is "paying for porn", and something in this language makes you feel dirty (not clear what exactly, but clear enough that it is "paying for porn" because this is how you titled the thread). Let us approach this is a non-specific issue.

As a non-sex-specific issue, on the right level of generality, and using the right terminology, this can be described as:

"I want to use premium content on an otherwise free site". Since you yourself explained that "it will also grant me a bunch of other features for using the site,", then very clearly you want to try a premium account on an otherwise free site.

This makes it akin to using LinkedIn Premium (you get to know who viewed your profile and other such things that I am not clear about since I do not use it).

This makes it akin to being on OKC's A-list (you get to browse anonymously and other such things that I am not clear about since I do not use it).

This makes it akin to paying for extra storage on a picture hosting site that provides free storage up to a certain level of GB.

Etc.

So nothing to feel dirty about.

Your next question is whether it is discreet. Since the site per you is legit and apparently values its reputation, why would they make it not discreet? They have an interest in retaining you as a client. Theirs is not a hit-and-run deal so they would want to be discreet. No guarantees, but at least it would not make sense to them not to be discreet. Plus, what could be "not discreet" with this kind of transaction? It is not like they would send you unwrapped vibrators to your office address - there would be an entry on your credit card bill, and that is it. If you really care, you can ask them what entry it will be - most likely it would not say "fetlife" but would mention some kind of an intermediate entity with a plain name they are doing business as - you can ask. In general, our credit card bills are private to us. Bank account statements might need to be presented to third parties (say, if you are qualifying for a sliding scale), so if you are that concerned about privacy, do not use your debit card for this transaction as the charge will appear on your credit card statement. Use a credit (non debit) card instead.

Your next question is whether it is a waste of money. Again, approached generally without making it sex-specific, the best way to find out is to try. Since they are not interested in hit-and-run, they should have some sort of a short trial or a way to cancel the subscription if you do not like it. Use that option with the following precautions:

- do not use Visa/Mastercard but use AmEx/Discover because AmEx/Discover have a much better customer service and offer online dispute resolution for most (not all but most) transactions. That means that if you want to dispute a transaction, you can do it fully online - no snail mail, no calls. Much better.

- If they have a free trial option, for a month, then schedule an online calendar event with a reminder for 25 days after the beginning of the free trial to remind yourself to cancel. They will otherwise keep charging you.

[jcrowely]

just get passwords off your friends or find them online somewhere

I wouldn't feel bad about paying for porn but I'd feel mugged off because there's so much free stuff.

[High Treason]

Absolutely nothing wrong with paying for something you want. While I can understand why purely vanilla types might think it's a waste of money because "there's so much free stuff," within particular niche fetishes there is often not nearly as much quality free stuff as people would think.

$5 a month sounds very reasonable to me, and there is no reason I can imagine that you should feel dirty about buying it.

I could find plenty of BDSM porn out there for free. As well as plenty of other stuff.

There's nothing wrong with paying for porn. This is not a dig at the OP, just saying I wouldn't do it.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I do not watch, but hope to help you out with the general approach.

The general approach is "you get what you pay for".

It applies throughout.

Applied to your situation, it should hopefully show you the way out of feeling dirty.

Also, I cannot understand what makes you feel dirty.

As helpful as I'm sure you intend, I am firm that you refrain from making comments on my posts. I've all but forgotten the humiliation that happened only recently, and I intend not to set myself up for making the same mistake again of accepting your advice. This applies to replying to my posts on other threads. Please understand that I am doing my best to remain neutral on the forums and regaining confidence in posting. Thank you.

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

I could find plenty of BDSM porn out there for free. As well as plenty of other stuff.

There's nothing wrong with paying for porn. This is not a dig at the OP, just saying I wouldn't do it.

I could find BDSM porn for free, but what I like about the site is that they are posted by other members, so there is a familiarity of knowing who's posting it and that it's not as cheesy, fake, or professional as other porn. It's a little more raw.

[Phreak]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I could find BDSM porn for free, but what I like about the site is that they are posted by other members, so there is a familiarity of knowing who's posting it and that it's not as cheesy, fake, or professional as other porn. It's a little more raw.

Personally I've always managed to find porn freely available and never had to pay for it.

Calculate the cost per wank then just pay the $5

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

I could find plenty of BDSM porn out there for free. As well as plenty of other stuff.

There's nothing wrong with paying for porn. This is not a dig at the OP, just saying I wouldn't do it.

Originally Posted by Phreak

Personally I've always managed to find porn freely available and never had to pay for it.

Calculate the cost per wank then just pay the $5

Yeah, I don't watch porn as much as I used to, but I think I'd watch it more if I had that access. Hmm, a good thing?

[LiteraryLark]

:O Double quote!

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

I could find BDSM porn for free, but what I like about the site is that they are posted by other members, so there is a familiarity of knowing who's posting it and that it's not as cheesy, fake, or professional as other porn. It's a little more raw.

Well that's it then, if you want to pay for it and think it's worth it then go ahead.

Not sure why you feel dirty for paying for porn though.

[Phreak]

Originally Posted by DrSkipper

Yeah, I don't watch porn as much as I used to, but I think I'd watch it more if I had that access. Hmm, a good thing?

It depends on the individual, but yes!