[tryingtobeconstruct]

Is anybody here in an open marriage? I've become fascinated with the concept of open marriages. If I ever do get married again (unlikely) I want it to be an open marriage. I was married for 20 years and we literally only had sex about 10 times. I'm not going through that again.

I've realized that I'm turned on by women in open marriages. Somehow it's a heady combination of domesticity and sexiness.

I think there's a sort of swinger / open-marriage underground all around me. Well... all around everywhere, really. The one person I've known who is in that scene has tacitly declined to introduce me into it. I understand that but I still want to find a way into the underground.

I’ve had no luck with Adult Friend Finder. I’m going to try some more traditional dating sites.

I’m basically a decent guy with this particularfetish (about which I'm not ashamed at all). Any advice?

[Patagonia]

Yes you need to get on FetLife for this discussion. You'll find what you're looking for there.

You'll need to educate yourself on what an open marriage is bec it's not just sleeping around. Most are in a poly relationships which has rules, dimensions & boundaries, but there are marriages of swingers which is totally different.
FetLife has a great deal to read on these subjects. I'm always being updated on what I thought I knew...& what I now understand.
It makes a big difference.
And if you're not educated many will not vet you into the Community.

You'll also find a lot of people into your fetishes, your local munch group that may have connections for you being around like minded people.
Good luck!

[tryingtobeconstruct]

I've had limited success on Fetlife. I've met some nice people who live far away, but not much locally. Still, maybe I'll try to get a little more involved. Thanks!

[Patagonia]

Have you tried a munch? And if your turned on by women in open marriages are you looking to cuckhold.

[tryingtobeconstruct]

I've been to a couple of BDSM munches. They were nice people but I just didn't feel a connection. I've also been to a polyamory group and enjoyed it. Unfortunately my work schedule gets in the way of attending more meetings.

lt's been my observation that people in the organized open community are very into vocabulary and categorization. Indeed, these can become the subjects of heated debates. I assure you that as a database programmer I like definitions and categorizations too, but it seems to me that these issues sometimes become walls instead of bridges.

I suspect that the "underground" I talk about isn't so organized or open. I feel certain that there are couples all around me that just enjoy having extramarital fun and aren't interested in organizing into a group. That’s really the underground I want to find.

[tryingtobeconstruct]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Have you tried a munch? And if your turned on by women in open marriages are you looking to cuckhold.

I forgot to answer your second question. I’m not particularly looking to be the bull in a cuckolding, but I'd probably be ok with that.

[Patagonia]

I hope you find it then. What you're looking for.
Yes I agree there are those out there that are very much into vocabulary. I've been blackballed in my community bec of my choices. Some boast about being so accepting....yet they are not.
Good luck!

[tryingtobeconstruct]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

I've been blackballed in my community bec of my choices. Some boast about being so accepting....yet they are not.

I'm sorry to hear you weren't treated acceptingly. Can you describe more what happened? Feel free to describe it in a PM to me if you prefer.

[ladytiger]

I'm hardly on fet due to my work schedule. I've met interesting people as far as what I've been looking for not successful the women are so owned I have no time to go through their male dominants.

I love the discussions I stay away from the politics. I've been to the poly meetings in the lifestyle

[Patagonia]

I feel that FetLife is like any other social media site. There's always people there that we don't like or don't agree with & everyone has a different idea of what bdsm means to them.
I've run into issues w/ men bashing me to the point that I can't put where I'm from & then the trolls that leave ugly comments on my pics. So it's hard to weed out the crap.
I do enjoy the discussions & the information. I've learned a great deal there from actual people instead of researching topics on my own.
I have heard of a site I think it's called collarme where they try to match fetishes to other people. I'm not sure if that is the correct name & I haven't been to the site, but I hope you find something that helps!!

[Maquiscat]

The site is now called colllarspace, and it, like most dating sites, is full of trolls and phishers. Trolls for the females and phishers for the males.

[YOLO Lady]

You could also try www.ashleymadison.com It's a site for married people looking for discreet encounters. Good luck!

[kipper-bang]

I've heard that these BDSM sites have many trolls or members that are horrible to newbies. This also goes on with Pagan sites. On Pagan sites its usually done by people who would be bullies (in normal situations) or those who are voyeurs with sad lives, just wanting to make themselves feel better.

Why do people do this on BDSM sites as it takes a lot of 'guts' to join-up and open-up, with your innermost thoughts and desires?

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by kipper-bang

I've heard that these BDSM sites have many trolls or members that are horrible to newbies. This also goes on with Pagan sites. On Pagan sites its usually done by people who would be bullies (in normal situations) or those who are voyeurs with sad lives, just wanting to make themselves feel better.


Why do people do this on BDSM sites as it takes a lot of 'guts' to join-up and open-up, with your innermost thoughts and desires?

Why would people join PC under false pretenses? Things like this happen all across the internet, not just bdsm sites.

[kipper-bang]

Originally Posted by Patagonia

Why would people join PC under false pretenses? Things like this happen all across the internet, not just bdsm sites.

I guess you are right. Also we may never find out why people do this as there are probably a myriad of reasons.

[tryingtobeconstruct]

Originally Posted by YOLO Lady

You could also try www.ashleymadison.com It's a site for married people looking for discreet encounters. Good luck!

This turned out to be very good advice. Very, very, very good advice.

Very.

[Patagonia]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeconstruct

This turned out to be very good advice. Very, very, very good advice.


Very.

That is great to hear!! Good luck!

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeconstruct

This turned out to be very good advice. Very, very, very good advice.

Very.

Having affairs is good?

[Nix]

I don't really know much about this, but I've noticed with the limited amount of experience I have on dating sites and apps that I've come across married or committed people in open relationships. So you could always try looking there.

[tryingtobeconstruct]

Originally Posted by Artchic528

Having affairs is good?

We're not having an affair. She's in an open marriage. Her husband knows all about it. I've met him. I've been to their house for dinner, then stayed the night with her.

It was a little weird at first, but it's been worth it.