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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: in my own little world
Posts: 4,227
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Jul 02, 2013 at 08:32 PM
#1
I'm not even all that depressed, but I have no desire to have sex, and I am anxious about the thought of it... I'm not on any meds, so it's not that... I just... I don;t know. And my wife is all about it these days (especially since it's something we are working on in marriage counseling). I cringe at the thought right now, and I don't want her to touch me. I'm just not there right now. I think it's a combination of very present memories of some csa, and trying to tackling it in my own individual therapy, and really not feeling comfortable in my own skin, but I hate saying no all the time... It's freaking me out to the point of wanting to cry right now, because she is so into it, and I just want my space...
Maybe I'll just drink some. It has a history of making me more loose and actually advance for a change...  (how eerie is it that she texts me asking if I'm afraid to go to the bedroom because she is so horny right now as I hit "send" on this post...?) |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
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Jul 02, 2013 at 08:54 PM
#2
Quote:
- the wife needs to know so that she does not feel rejected as a person - the marriage counselor needs to know in order to shift focus onto something else while you and your individual T work through the issue. Loss of sex drive feels like a complete vacuum, a total blah, zilch. It does not feel like an active resistance to touch, etc., that you are reporting. |
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 ThisWayOut
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: in my own little world
Posts: 4,227
11 6,452 hugs
given
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Jul 03, 2013 at 05:22 PM
#3
Quote:
we will not see out couple's t until next week due to the holiday... I don't know how to tell her to switch focus. I guess that will have to be something I work on communicating with her... :/ |
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Account Suspended
Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
(SuperPoster!)
13 3,729 hugs
given
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Jul 03, 2013 at 11:29 PM
#4
Can you offer to watch her masturbate? or would it disturb you?
just a suggestion as a compromise |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: in my own little world
Posts: 4,227
11 6,452 hugs
given
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Jul 04, 2013 at 08:00 AM
#5
i've tried it in the past, could do it again. it doesn't bother me most of the time, but right now anything with a sexual nature makes me uncomfortable... i think it's the intense flashbacks from the csa that are really messing me up.
I have tried a full-body massage as a compromise (something I can handle doing right now) and she seems to be ok with that for now. I try to do it all romantic and stuff, so it kinda gets the intimacy in without anything overtly sexual going on. We talked about it a bit again, but she still seems to forget from moment to moment. I feel really bad that I keep turning her down. The plan was originally to let me initiate for a while, but that doesn't seem to be happening. I wish we had our marriage therapist this week, but the stupid holiday messes with things. In the mean time, we try to talk it out. I hope it helps. Thank you for the suggestion and responding. It really helps to be able to talk it out a bit with someone that is not involved in the relationship 
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 hamster-bamster
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