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ThisWayOut
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Thumbs down Jul 02, 2013 at 08:32 PM
  #1
I'm not even all that depressed, but I have no desire to have sex, and I am anxious about the thought of it... I'm not on any meds, so it's not that... I just... I don;t know. And my wife is all about it these days (especially since it's something we are working on in marriage counseling). I cringe at the thought right now, and I don't want her to touch me. I'm just not there right now. I think it's a combination of very present memories of some csa, and trying to tackling it in my own individual therapy, and really not feeling comfortable in my own skin, but I hate saying no all the time... It's freaking me out to the point of wanting to cry right now, because she is so into it, and I just want my space...
Maybe I'll just drink some. It has a history of making me more loose and actually advance for a change...

(how eerie is it that she texts me asking if I'm afraid to go to the bedroom because she is so horny right now as I hit "send" on this post...?)
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Default Jul 02, 2013 at 08:54 PM
  #2
Quote:
Originally Posted by MdngtRain View Post
I'm not even all that depressed, but I have no desire to have sex, and I am anxious about the thought of it... I'm not on any meds, so it's not that... I just... I don;t know. And my wife is all about it these days (especially since it's something we are working on in marriage counseling). I cringe at the thought right now, and I don't want her to touch me. I'm just not there right now. I think it's a combination of very present memories of some csa, and trying to tackling it in my own individual therapy, and really not feeling comfortable in my own skin, but I hate saying no all the time... It's freaking me out to the point of wanting to cry right now, because she is so into it, and I just want my space...
Maybe I'll just drink some. It has a history of making me more loose and actually advance for a change...

(how eerie is it that she texts me asking if I'm afraid to go to the bedroom because she is so horny right now as I hit "send" on this post...?)
I do not think that you lost your sex drive. I know what it feels to have no sex drive, and what you are reporting is not that for sure. You are being haunted by the memories of CSA. Your wife and the marriage counselor need to know that you are being haunted by the memories of your CSA, for two reasons:

- the wife needs to know so that she does not feel rejected as a person
- the marriage counselor needs to know in order to shift focus onto something else while you and your individual T work through the issue.

Loss of sex drive feels like a complete vacuum, a total blah, zilch. It does not feel like an active resistance to touch, etc., that you are reporting.
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Default Jul 03, 2013 at 05:22 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
I do not think that you lost your sex drive. I know what it feels to have no sex drive, and what you are reporting is not that for sure. You are being haunted by the memories of CSA. Your wife and the marriage counselor need to know that you are being haunted by the memories of your CSA, for two reasons:

- the wife needs to know so that she does not feel rejected as a person
- the marriage counselor needs to know in order to shift focus onto something else while you and your individual T work through the issue.

Loss of sex drive feels like a complete vacuum, a total blah, zilch. It does not feel like an active resistance to touch, etc., that you are reporting.
my wife knows about the current memories of the csa. we talked a bit about it yesterday, but she still feels rejected. I don't know how to change that for her, or to help her through this...

we will not see out couple's t until next week due to the holiday... I don't know how to tell her to switch focus. I guess that will have to be something I work on communicating with her... :/
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Default Jul 03, 2013 at 11:29 PM
  #4
Can you offer to watch her masturbate? or would it disturb you?

just a suggestion as a compromise
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Default Jul 04, 2013 at 08:00 AM
  #5
i've tried it in the past, could do it again. it doesn't bother me most of the time, but right now anything with a sexual nature makes me uncomfortable... i think it's the intense flashbacks from the csa that are really messing me up.
I have tried a full-body massage as a compromise (something I can handle doing right now) and she seems to be ok with that for now. I try to do it all romantic and stuff, so it kinda gets the intimacy in without anything overtly sexual going on. We talked about it a bit again, but she still seems to forget from moment to moment. I feel really bad that I keep turning her down. The plan was originally to let me initiate for a while, but that doesn't seem to be happening. I wish we had our marriage therapist this week, but the stupid holiday messes with things. In the mean time, we try to talk it out. I hope it helps.

Thank you for the suggestion and responding. It really helps to be able to talk it out a bit with someone that is not involved in the relationship
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