[jadedbutterfly]

I am seriously not attracted to anyone sexually anymore. I don't want sex anymore. When I was younger, picking out a complete stranger and having sex was all about control... whether it was a man or woman. I know it was a coping skill, trying to reclaim my body... I choose, you know?
Then it became a way to actually hurt myself. I would just lay there, trying to numb out what was actually being done to my body... felt like I was raping myself, if that makes any sense?
Had single encounter 4 yrs ago.. that lasted all about 2 mins and that was a mistake, making somebody else "happy".
So does this mean I am considered asexual at this point in my life?

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by jadedbutterfly

I am seriously not attracted to anyone sexually anymore. I don't want sex anymore. When I was younger, picking out a complete stranger and having sex was all about control... whether it was a man or woman. I know it was a coping skill, trying to reclaim my body... I choose, you know?
Then it became a way to actually hurt myself. I would just lay there, trying to numb out what was actually being done to my body... felt like I was raping myself, if that makes any sense?
Had single encounter 4 yrs ago.. that lasted all about 2 mins and that was a mistake, making somebody else "happy".
So does this mean I am considered asexual at this point in my life?

I do not think that you were ever sexual. You were using sex as means of control, a coping skill, to numb yourself out, etc. It does not seem that you have ever had a genuine sexual experience that was a thing onto itself. Also, it does not seem that you have had close relationships.

All of that calls for therapy. It does not seem to call for questioning orientation, because you do not seem to be fully developed yet. There is nothing wrong per se in using sex the way you used to as long as your partners consented, so it is not that you did anything wrong. It is just that you have not tried to be sexual in more peaceful ways (peaceful to yourself, too).

I hope you find a good clinician for this.

[yellowfrog268]

I know the feeling Jadebutterfly. Took a peak at your profile and we share some similarities with regards to past experiences. I go through periods of no libido at all and they can last for a few years. Have you discussed this with T or Pdoc?

[jadedbutterfly]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

I know the feeling Jadebutterfly. Took a peak at your profile and we share some similarities with regards to past experiences. I go through periods of no libido at all and they can last for a few years. Have you discussed this with T or Pdoc?

Yellowfrog... Thanks for the validation.... nice to know that you go through same. I talked to my T about it this morning... she says, that its more asexual than being cellebit (sp?)

[UnderTheRose]

Originally Posted by jadedbutterfly

I don't want sex anymore. When I was younger, picking out a complete stranger and having sex was all about control...

From that there I would read that not as a sign of having a libido previously.
Using sex as a form of control , rather than having sex because you are turned on isn't really being 'sexual' in that 'fun/horny' kind of way Maybe you've yet to come into an actual Libido stage in your life.

Asexual is the lack of sexual attraction to anyone or low or absent interest in sexual activity, whereas Celibacy is a choice one makes based on personal beliefs either religious or otherwise. Definitely different things. A celibate person may still feel very strong desires .
There's a good write up of it here, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asexuality

[jadedbutterfly]

[quote=UnderTheRose;3153123]From that there I would read that not as a sign of having a libido previously.
Using sex as a form of control , rather than having sex because you are turned on isn't really being 'sexual' in that 'fun/horny' kind of way Maybe you've yet to come into an actual Libido stage in your life. /quote]

Thank you for the link
I am 43 yrs old... One would think I would have come into a libido stage by now

[UnderTheRose]

I'm 41 on Sunday and I have had two bouts of actual REAL drive in my life (as compared to no drive at all) ---one was linked to mania i think, and the other, only since getting into a bit of Kink.