Oh god why!?

So I'm supposed to meet up with this fetish photographer that I met on fetlife for coffee to discuss taking my Miss Emma portraits. I showed him a picture of a head shot of me in uniform, nothing revealing, just a head shot of me wearing a blonde wig and the uniform. He befriended me and mentioned in a status that some of his photography had been stolen online. I looked through his photos and saw the photography done for another Nazi fetishist and they looked amazing, so I know he's a good photographer and takes good photos.

Then today I had my bipolar support group.

The second person to tell his life story is this man, obese, balding, late thirties. He goes on and on about his week, until something he says hits me, he said that his photographs were stolen online. I go home, and searched through his profile and there he was, the same guy from the bipolar support group. I was planning on asking him for a photo because I wasn't sure if he was in any of the photos on his profile, but there he is!

What the ****ing hell!? His work is really nice and he did such nice work with the Nazi fetishist, and he seems like a genuine person, not a creeper at all, but it just seems so wrong now that I know his background. Being fat and balding doesn't help either. He'd do the photography for free, and he has the equipment and locations to make it really nice, but still...this is just way too small of a world. Now what do I do?

Oh wow that's an incredible coincidence!! I wonder what you looked like when he said his pics were stolen? There's ways to protect a pic from being copied but I don't know how but that's not the issue. What's worse - him being overweight and balding or knowing each others background?? Do what you think is best for you. Do you think he recognized you in the head shot?

No, I had long, blonde hair in the photo and I have short dark brown hair, but he may have, especially since I mentioned I have problems with fetishes, but then I cut myself off when I thought it was weird to talk about.

Honestly, him being overweight and balding intimidates me more than him being bipolar. I just expected him to be different, and I didn't expect him to be at that group.

I would cease all contact.

I would be worried about how the photo's are being used. This man clearly isn't together for whatever reason and whilst he might have talent, there are those who have that but are professional enough to maintain the confidentiality of their clients. What are his credentials? If he has a webpage, surely there should be a few sample photos (with the permission of the sitters) then a link for requests/viewing of portfolio's to be done face to face? You maintain he isn't a 'creeper' but lost photos of a sexual nature that were taken for free? Sounds creepy to me...

You're a smart person with a strong sense of self, no one here needs to tell you to be careful when it comes to the BDSM community -- i would however encourage you to go with your gut instincts on this one. If it seems dodgy then it probably is.

After thinking and reading Spockette's post I agree its better to find another photographer. First he has a problem with security of his photos and you don't want to mix professional with personal mental health information. You want your Diva side to come out in the photographs and him being in your support group would be a distraction. One day you're going to laugh at this and its sounds like something out of a movie.

I say, go with your gut instinct and try to find someone else. Someone, who after the photographs, has no personal knowledge of you.

I'd make it an analogy to sleeping with a co-worker and it goes awry and then that awkwardness, afterwards and having to see them, often, after they know what you are like in a more intimate setting!

I don't know, I called up a professional fetish photographer in my area and it's $500+ for a basic package.

As for balding and obese... mmm not sure I want to go there because I don't judge anyone on looks. I will say that photographers I've met and worked with have been all over the spectrum of attractiveness. It was never really an issue. A photog is either good or not... looks don't really matter. You aren't there for the hookup. I'm not getting how that's a problem. You think you might be more comfortable working with a woman?
The other thing... yeah that could be iffy. Not because he's BP of course because I'm guessing you are too
But it could complicate your work with the support group. I don't see anything creepy about him either. I guess I'm missing that paranoia gene. I've seen the two pics you showed me of you in the bathtub (non nude or even suggestive in case anyone is wondering) and I wouldn't have recognized you after seeing a normal (for you :P) photo. I think you'll figure out what's best. You don't seem like a person who would get into a compromising position. The photos are yours right? You can have them downloaded straight to a flash drive or something and watch him delete the camera files.
Oh and yeah that was quite a coincidence wasn't it?

I already told the guy off. =/ I hate asking for advice and not going with my own gut feeling.

I told him I changed my mind, but I'm still not comfortable with it. I'm desperate to have these photos done.

Are you at least going to tell us why you told him off? I really think a woman would do a better job if you're going for any degree of eroticism.

Because people here told me I shouldn't do it.

I feel like if I hadn't have seen him at the bipolar support group, I wouldn't have felt differently if I had just met him at the coffee meeting.

Okay but if you're going to be paranoid at least make it your own paranoia

DrSkipper - ultimately you should do what you feel is best. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel comfortable knowing the photographer's in my mental health group. Since these photos are erotic with a fetish involved, you might not be comfortable with a group member having info about you. If you met the guy in your group and happened to get on this topic, it would be different. I think you're justified in feeling apprehensive.

I really want to give some advice: It's best to go with your gut feeling. There is a reason your brain is telling you to avoid this situation. You may not sometimes be aware of what the red flags are but your brain is picking them up. I would really hesitate to ignore mine if something didn't seem right. :/ As for fetish photographers, try a site maybe like ModelMayhem to find more people/photographers. There are tons of them!

Why does it matter if he's fat and balding, as long as he takes good photos then you have found your man.

Unless you were hoping to have intercourse with him?

It's not his looks, it's the fact he's in her support group.

I think you should save up the extra money and get someone a bit more professional.

It is his looks apparently. She even said it bothered her more than the bipolar.

Also, why do his looks matter? I'm just genuinely curious. He's the photographer, not the model. It doesn't have any real relevance on his qualities as a photographer.