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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Seoul
Posts: 223
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#1
I would be very interested to hear your thoughts on this issue, Hamster. However, your response is completely off topic. Maybe you meant to post in the other thread that is actually about condoms? That's not what this discussion is about. But yes, people should have sex safely when sleeping with people they don't know very well. Whether or not I personally have done so all the time is not within the scope of the conversation in this thread.
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Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
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#2
Quote:
Back to OP - try to look forward to better days rather than look backwards to lament opportunities and connections not pursued due to the belief in monogamy. Otherwise it will be too depressing a walk down memory lane - I can tell you, given that I spent close to two decades total in monogamy. It is incredibly depressing to think both of what you lost and what your potential partners lost due to your belief in monogamy. Way too depressing. |
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Seoul
Posts: 223
11 2 hugs
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#3
Quote:
What I would like to discuss is monogamy in general and basically why people would ever choose it because it doesn't seem to make sense when it's really thought through thoroughly. Your definitions of "permit" and "allow" are not definitions of those words I am familiar with. I looked those words up in a dictionary just now, and I see no definitions of either one that mean "to be concerned about the possible consequences of something" or "have a say in the safety of something." I suspect you have just invented those definitions in order to make a case for your first post being on topic. Anyway, what I mean by "permit" and "allow" is the normal definitions of those words: to give permission, consent, or authorization. There is no contradiction because I do believe based on my own past experience as a monogamist and through speaking with countless other people who are monogamous that people in monogamous relationships do not feel they are permitted to have sex with other people and do not believe their partner is permitted to do so either. The fact that you don't believe this is right in a healthy relationship just means that you agree with me. Monogamists, pretty much by definition, do not agree with me and believe that it is acceptable for a partner to have the power to deny permission to have extra-relationship sex. Furthermore, the great majority of monogamists are not monogamists because they are trying to avoid sexual risk. This is an after-the-fact reason a lot of them will give but it's more just an excuse they throw out to avoid having to think about their beliefs. Imagine the following conversation between a monogamous couple: Joe: I had sex with your best friend last night Jane: Oh my god, you a**hole, we're through! Joe: Oh no, don't worry, she showed me a copy of a very recent STD screening and we used a condom. Jane: Oh! Ok, never mind. Sorry I overreacted. Carry on then. If you think that conversation is evenly remotely plausible among monogamists, then I don't know what to say because you clearly live in a different universe than me. It is simply not true that monogamists are that way because they are trying to be safe. That is not the core reason. I suspect the real reason is just socialization, brainwashing if you will. We are just taught from an early age that that is the "right" way to do things and people don't question it. But that's pretty much why I started this thread. I want to know if there are people who can think of good reasons for being monogamous. |
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Member Since Sep 2011
Location: Northern California
Posts: 14,805
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#4
I do not know what kind of a discussion you expect to ignite, though - as stated, the thread's strongly worded title does not allow for a discussion, because, quite clearly, you cannot both love a person and force anything against their will. It is another thing when both people want to be mutually monogamous (which comes with its own can of worms, but at least does not involve force). Yet another thing when one partner asks, nicely, for sexual exclusivity. That request can be entertained. But "force"?..
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Member
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Seoul
Posts: 223
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#5
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