Getting him to wear a condom

This could be a really long story, but I'm going to make it as short as I can.
I recently had unprotected sex with an older guy that I don't really know super well (we have had friendly conversation for about a month). I never thought that I'd have unprotected sex - but the sex started so quickly I hardly had time to say anything. I know I could've and should've, but I didn't. And I enjoyed it, and in the heat of the moment, I just went with it. I didn't really start worrying about STDs until later. Even with most STDs, I know they're treatable so I don't REALLY get the big deal, unless I get herpes or HIV, both of which, I know could be possible (Actually the most worried about HIV).

This guy really enjoyed our time together and wants to see me again. I agreed to meeting with him, and I did forget my really expensive sunglasses at his house, and I'd really like them back. Of course, this means seeing him again, and I feel obligated to have sex with him again, although I know that I shouldn't. I enjoyed the sex, I just don't want to have unprotected sex again. How do I bring up using protection to him? I feel like because I had unprotected sex with him once, he'll expect me to do it again. I thought of buying condoms, but I'm not sure if I'd buy the right thing for him. I almost feel like I shouldn't have sex with him again at all, but I kind of want to. We mostly communicate by text. Should I just tell him to get what he wants? Or what. I already feel so bad and I'm so paranoid that I have STDs now.

I'd just be straight up with him - tell him that condoms are a "must" for future sexual activity between the two of you.

You wrote that you feel obligated:

- to have sex with him (but you also kind of want to, on your own and not due to feeling obligated)

- to have unprotected sex with him (but you clearly do not want to)

So, from that you want to have sex with him you can derive the beginning of a steamy text message (conveying that you want him), and from your clear policy on condoms, derive the ending part of that same text message. e.g.

"HIS NAME...cannot wait to see you (or its less euphemistic equivalent)... do be sure to have condoms on hand please, will you?!!"

The "on hand" part was an unintended pun.

The point is, rather than just communicate dryly and matter-of-factly, add the "cannot wait to see you" - the request for condoms will be better received then.

You are not obligated to do anything sexual that you do not want to do. You are not obligated to sleep with anyone. You are not obligated to have unprotected sex with anyone.

If he wants to have sex again and you WANT to too, you tell him what you will and won't do. Set up your boundaries and make them clear. If wearing a condom is a big thing for you, make sure he knows you will not consider sex without it.

As others have said, you have no obligation whatsoever to have sex with him again. If you want to, you have no obligation to do it unprotected just because you did the first time. You should let him know to get condoms. I would suggest you also buy condoms and bring them with you just in case he "forgot."

I'm going to echo what's already been said...there is zero "obligation" to have sex with him. Sex is something you should make as a choice on your terms, not something you feel like you "have to" do. Don't make him feel as though you have any obligation. You do not.

That being said, as far as broaching the subject, if you do WANT to be intimate with him again when you see him (note: want to, not feel as though you should), Hamster's suggestion on how to broach the subject is superb. I was going to propose a more cut and dry phrasing, but then again, it's not my field of expertise there.

Take care, and be safe.

Hugs,
Harley

I think it is a good idea. Buy a case with different options so that he has some variety, and you will have done more than your fair share.

Thanks so much. All of this advice was really great. I'm done seeing this guy now - the last time I was with him we both got drunk (he's of age, but I'm not) and although we started having sex with a condom (thanks to your advice), I'm pretty sure he took it off mid-act but everything is fuzzy because I wasn't sober. So of course, I've learned that I shouldn't trust that guy because that's super sketchy. Now my anxiety about having HIV is killing me. I had a dream that I tested positive (after I had been worrying about it) and I've been feeling weird ever since. (This unfortunate encounter happened last weekend.) I started reading a bunch of stuff about HIV and have convinced myself that he has it. I try to read statistics, and I put my information in an STD calculator and all, and although my chances are statistically low, they aren't impossible! I have to wait a few months before I can test, but it just makes me so nervous! I used to worry a lot about random illnesses as a child, and I've always been one to jump to crazy conclusions, and worry about worst case scenarios, but my dream was so real! If I got chlamydia or gonorrhea or something I wouldn't even be mad! I've just convinced myself I've contracted HIV and I'll live a lonely life.. The guy is college educated and an athlete, and he has a job but he lives with his family, and his friends don't seem suspicious in the slightest, but now HE seems so suspicious to me! I think I just needed to vent about this. I know that I'll only know for sure once I get tested in a few months, but I feel like I can't focus. I also feel extremely dirty. Since my dream, my body has felt different. I've also entertained the idea that maybe I'm pregnant now..

BOTTOM LINE is that I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON! I really need to take more ownership in these kinds of situations. I'm upset because I knew better, and because I've always been good and made smart decisions, and now a few poor decisions are causing me stress. I have a lot of ideas about how I'll handle future situations involving sex, protection, and alcohol in the future.

The risk is statistically low, and I hope you will update us with negative test results in a few months. In the meantime, it seems that you have extracted MORE than enough lessons learned from this encounter.