Libido killed after thinking about a guy I use to like

Lately my orgasms have been stopped all because of flashback memories of a kid I had a crush on back at my high school I moved away from- Dusty.

It is literally bothering me that I can't really enjoy pleasuring myself when a guy that you really hate pops up in your mind.

It happens as soon as I start masturbating, all of the sudden Dusty appears in my imagination, and he's having intercourse with me!!! Aaaaaaah!!!

As I'm browsing through gay porn videos of men, I come across these guys that look similar to him (He has dark brown hair that has a bit of a fringe at the front, with these striking blue eyes and fair skin. Grrr, it makes me mad just to think about him...AND IT ALSO FREAKS ME OUT!!!). AGAIN! Aaaaaaah!!!

Then I looked up some sex positions that were 3D animated to get me turned on. You think I would be at ease when I'm letting my imagination flow. Well, you're WRONG! As soon as I focus on the male 3D model, I begin think, "No, it can't be! No! NO! NOOOOOOOOO!!! IT LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE DUSTY!!! Aaaaaaah!!!"

The thing is: Whenever I was at school, I would daydream about being friends, but I would never ever daydream of him getting intimate with me. If it ever did slip into my mind, it would scare me. It wasn't until my best friend Alex told me how she had a dream of Dusty having sex with me. I was laughing so hard at the thought of big and buff football player (Dusty) "going at it" with a really lanky and petite girl (me. Sad to admit...), but on the inside I felt stunned. Then we started talking about the possibility of that happening in the future. I even said, "I sure hope that **** doesn't ever happen to me." They said, "You never know." I didn't laugh anymore after that. I still think about him sometimes, and how I miss him a little, but I really have high hopes of that changing once I start my junior year here in Utah. There may be a chance of me meeting someone I can start a relationship with for my first time, and Dusty will be forever erased from my mind, never to be remembered again.

Well, I'm not sure if I will ever meet anyone. I don't even think I will, going over how many times I have failed to socialize in general. I know it will never happen.

If I don't, at least the activity going on in my new school will keep me distracted and busy.

Krasnoi, Yeah sometimes our imagination get carried away. I've figured out that time has helped with it. Also talking about it. I know that sucks since its so frustrating not to have an orgasm and it's a good stress relief. Distractions is a good idea.....D.