a question about dating - just aimlessly curious

So I started deleting messages on OK Cupid because my mailbox is full and I won't pay for an upgrade.

I deleted several messages from a guy whose profile picture shows his torso. His torso is hairless and average looking.

There was nothing else.

I did not look at the profile.

My question is - what was the expectation of the guy when he chose his profile picture? I mean, he is not stupid, I am sure - there just must be some sort of a niche market for him... women who respond to completely uninteresting, standard looking, hairless torsos.

I mean... a HEADLESS torso!! What could be going on in his mind (since the torso is headless, I am not sure he even HAS a mind...)?

Sleepy Hollow, anyone?..

OK, if he writes again, I will just ask him bluntly what he has in mind (again, maybe he does not have a mind for reasons stated above).

Sorry for aimless curiosity - just trying to make sense of the world around me.

Was it Carlos Danger???

quoting from huffington post:

"I’ve been in contact with a young female girl who wishes to remain Anonymous. She was lured by Anthony Weiner post scandal via Facebook. They had a relationship for 6 months and she believed they were in love. Anthony Weiner like a true sex predator promised Anonymous many things like a job at Politico and a condo in Chicago (a place they could meet up and have sex). The relationship consisted of Anthony Weiner and Anonymous sending sexually explicit pictures of each other and having sexual conversations via phone."

Now I am even MORE confused.

How can one be a non-female girl???

A correction: it was a quote that HP itself took from elsewhere. So the editorial standards of HP itself appear intact.

Probably did it for the same reason girls have profile pictures showing just their breasts or something. Maybe their hoping to hook people by showing that their body is attractive enough? For some people I know bodies matter more than faces. Maybe it doesnt show his head because hes worried about someone he knows finding the profile, and would give headshots via email?
Really I dont know, people do weird things.

I do get the anonymity, but I think that people who have no pictures (for reasons of anonymity) fare better, because it is kind of odd - the headless torso is too impersonal. I can see a woman showcasing her breasts, but breasts are more unique looking (unless they are implants), so there would still be a little personality, so to speak. The headless torso is so standard that it looks like a mannequin from a men's clothing store.

She could be gender queer, i.e 'an androgynous girl' or something. Maybe they were saying it to point out she was feminine.

Ahahahahaha.
No, i get what your saying. If they want to be anonyous, better off to have no picture than to show a relatively non-sexual part of your body. Maybe he knows how average he is and doesnt want to set up women for a let down. Its sort of easy to understand for me because so many ripped guys have their chests as a profile pic to show off, that maybe its become standard for men and he was just following the 'norm'.

Oh I hate those with passion! With passion!

Another mystery: people who disappear. I found several messages like this:

love your smile!
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Many of them. So people create accounts and then leave? I did not record when those messages were sent before deleting them, but I am sure not too long ago - may be a few months ago, tops (I only opened the account in late 2012). So... these men have found their dream girl in such a short time? all of them? Sounds weird, since people keep complaining about the ineffectiveness of online dating (granted, there is self-selection into complaining - those who are happy with online dating do not complain online - they are busy enjoying the results of dating). Ok, so maybe one or two have quickly found partners, but what about the rest? Why do people delete the profiles - the profile is just sitting there for free, so why delete it?

Puzzled.

I do get what you are saying, but I think in this case it was just horrible writing. This is because in that kind of story, the male and the female are average/standard (hence, a condo in Chicago and not something unusual/esoteric). So - she could not have been gender queer - she was a garden variety female who might want to own a condo in a major metro area. I think. Tabloid fodder does not contain stories about adrogynous girls, to the best of my knowledge (I do not read tabloids, but I regularly read the cover pages when waiting in line for groceries, so I have some knowledge).

"female girl" reminds me of "male goat's milk" - many years ago I saw the word combination "goat milk" translated into a language that has different words for male and female goats (sort of like bull and cow) as "male goat's milk". Then you want to ask the translator/writer: "really?.."

I figured out why I hate those with such passion:

1) Some muscle definition is good, but more than that does look kind of dumb.

2) Spending that many hours in the gym is kind of very dumb.

3) Men should not spend so much time on their appearance.

4) Often, these ripped guys are also waxing their hair off their torsos, and I happen to simply hate the look of waxed torsos - somebody on here mentioned that waxed genitals look prepubescent - well at least they look prepubescent which is still real - waxed torsos do not even look prepubescent)

5) What seems present in this kind of ripped look is insecurity, anxiety, and low self esteem. If a guy does not feel secure enough "as is", but feels that he needs to spend hours at the gym to look good enough to date... then I would not be interested in meeting with him in the first place.

To be sure I do not offend anybody: if an athlete is muscular, it is perfectly fine - they train for performance. They do not train to get a ripped look. And, one can tell - there are very special things about true athletes, a very special drive, and it is obvious when a person possesses it. Also, a body that is naturally muscular - as sometimes happens though not frequently - looks different from a body that has a ripped look due to steroids, whey shakes (yuck!, I imagine) and hours at the gym, so I am not against people who are naturally muscular or are athletes. Or, against men who train in the Army. It is only guys who want to get a ripped look to impress girls that are so pathetic and boring.

It is a chicken and egg though: who is to blame? who started it? did this craze start because girls started to expect a ripped look? or did it start because boys decided that they would fare better with a ripped look? whose fault was it?

keep deleting and visiting profiles as I go...

... a new trend...

...so the profile picture shows two men equally...

...this is for straight guys, mind you - since I am straight, straight guys write to me...

...so, two men on the picture - and not as in "one man close up and one happens to be outside of the main focus of the picture" but as in "TWO EQUALLY PROMINENT PEOPLE are on the picture"...

...I got kind of curious...

...at first, I did not realize WHY I got curious...

...now I know - this is because eventually I would try a MMF trio (hate the word threesome) so those profiles look like just what the doctor ordered for me...

...so I read the profiles...

...no, these are not male friends looking to add a woman for a MMF...

...no, they are just single straight males of the standard kind...

...and the profile, somewhere, says: "On the picture, I am the one in a blue shirt."

...OK, finally I got it - I am slow, but not completely dumb:

In the profile, there was a legend assisting me in identifying the profile owner on the picture. The legend said - "Look at the picture of two equally prominent men again and notice the one in a blue shirt - that is ME!"

...to that I wanted to say:

"dude,

it is the next millennium already

and you are kind of in Silicon Valley and not even in Kansas anymore

there are photo editing tools... ever heard of them?

yeah, you could edit the picture to just post a picture of you, alone

yeah, I told it - it is already the next millennium. Wake up!"

***

I should not have called it a trend - two such profiles so far. But still... puzzled.

LOL.....the headless horseman......I think I would only accept a date with the horse thank you....riding horses is more enjoyable than dating any day

At the same time, why leave a profile your not using up? Especially if it has all your personal information on it, pictures of you, etc. It might be the stigma of dating sites to, because a lot of people would be embarrassed if someone they knew found them on a dating site.

Your probably right. I cant write for ****, so ill trust your judgment over mine on this any day.
Im getting off topic. Cant only female goats produce milk? Why would the male ones be able to? Maybe i just didnt understand what you were saying...

Maybe getting that ripped look and obsessing over that is kind of like women shopping, doing their hair, coordinating outfits, etc. People set an ideal in their head for themselves and try to live up to it. For a while i was into working out as a way to deal with stress, and started chasing different 'looks'. I think its natural, especially with how much the media has to do with everyone's self image.
I dont really have a preference when it comes to men and whether or not they have hair on their chests and genitals, but i prefer women to be waxed. Ive never thought a women who waxed looked like a little girl. Either way i like it more because its more functional.
You wouldnt want a man to work out? I understand not wanting him to work out excessively, i guess, but if he just likes it, and likes how he looks for himself, I dont see a problem.

Ahahahahah. Sounds like laziness to me.

Easy, be transgender. Female and male usually refers to sex (genitalia, hormones, chromosomes), although they are sometimes used to refer to gender. Girl is a gendered term (gender being an internal sense of identity). I'm a genderqueer female, for example. I identify as intergender (between man and woman) and am biologically normatively female.

Maybe he's cheating on his wife, hamster. That's the first thought that comes to mind as a human male.

Eskie,

Funny you would say that, as a woman riding a horse is an obviously sexual image. Highly sexual. Highly highly sexual, so it would be quite obvious that your riding horses would be FAR more enjoyable than my trying to date retards off OKC...

quite possible your explanation fits the best, as being the simplest and most mundane.

Yes, only female goats can produce milk. As a more general statement, only female members of any mammal species can produce milk. the translator was a retard.

It is entirely possible that getting that ripped look is indeed akin to women's doing their hair and coordinating outfits, and, since I am just "wash the hair and let it air dry and slip in a dress and cruise on" kind of a woman, I do not get the male's equivalent of doing the hair and coordinating outfits. Quite possible.

Chasing the look offered in the media disqualifies a man for me. So that was probably what I was trying to say when I expressed my reactions to the torso. It does not mean that I prefer men who are not muscular. Actually, on Monday I had lunch with a friend whom I met more than 5 years ago via my then husband's running club. He was kind of interested in me back then, but not only was I married, but so was he, and I was friendly with his wife, and their daughters played with my daughters (same age) etc., which ruled out the possibility of exploring his interest further, though in theory I reciprocated the interest.

So we met - we are now both divorced, and, interestingly enough - actually an amazing coincidence - our ex spouses behave the same way. They even get the same amount of support from us. And they both turn the daughters against us (I foolishly gave up trying to get parttime custody a few years ago, and so did he).

So we talked a lot, but mostly just sharing notes on the ex spouses' behavior.

But kind of, also, did take a moment to at least confirm that yes, both of us would, at least in theory, be more than glad to take the matters further.

So he is... amazingly muscular. Amazingly. I always knew he had extremely muscular legs - as in, "harder than iron and very big", and he complained, a lot, about the wrong twitch (there are different types of muscles) - his muscles were the wrong twitch for long distance running. He had the right twitch for sprinting, and was a sprinter in the days of his youth, but then changed it, and he was competing in long distance running events for which he had the wrong twitch (my son has the right twitch muscles for long distance running - his legs are skinny... very skinny... ).

But he also has hugely muscular arms - he showed me on Monday and I squeezed them and yes, sure, astounding.

And all of that is cool.

But he is not chasing a look from a magazine - he is a passionate athlete and participates in extreme sports - you know, those mud races with obstacles and all of those? Serious stuff. And he has fun with it. And I like that.

But working out to get a ripped look - oh no, god forbid, not with me.

Plus, athletes do not necessarily have the ripped look. I have a friend whose husband - a very nice man and I can easily see myself being with him although I am not positively attracted to him, but sure, i do see all kinds of good qualities in him - so he bikes, with his friends, from palo alto to santa cruz

EVERY WEEKEND

he is very skinny

I would much prefer a skinny biker able to bike for such long distances while enjoying breathtaking views along the Coast than a guy who works on his musculature at a stuffy gym. The biker wins any day.

You guys are cracking me up. I haven't spent much time on OKC, as I prefer the lower class of lonely heart on POF myself. After a few years experience with it and other dating sites, there are a few things that seem to be universal truths. First, nobody ever looks like their picture and its usually a waste of time to put one up. Second, our appearance changes ever so slightly daily. Not a big deal unless five years worth of days have passed since the picture was taken. Then it's a very noticeable difference and can be quite a big deal Third, if there is no picture, there's usually a reason. Many are married and some are just butt ugly. Lets face it, does it really doesn't matter how great somebody's profile is? If they're ugly, then they're just ugly. There's not much they can do about it except show a picture of their shaved torso, butt, boat, car, horses... fill in the blank.

For the record, not all body builders are grotesquely ripped and pumped. There really are some people who just work out to look and feel good without deep underlying motivation or being an "athlete". I'm one of them. Do I enjoy looking good? Of course I do, but that's secondary to feeling good. Or at least it is to me. I don't find it necessary to spend hours in the gym or shave myself, but that's just me. Forty five minutes a day, three days a week and I'm good to go. To be completely honest, I don't remember anyone ever complaining because I looked nice. But I have had more than one tell me I looked better in person. Its always better to be a pleasant surprise than a dissappointment.

Thank you for posting all of this. It has been most entertaining.