Feeling "not trans* enough"

As the title says, I often feel "not trans* enough". I'm AFAB intergender (between/ combination of man and woman). But I enjoy wearing "women's" clothing and keep my hair long. So basically, I'm completely invisible. Despite the INTENSE dysphoria this causes me (omg, I HATE being called a girl/woman!), I still frequently feel like my experience "doesn't count" as being trans*. I desperately want testosterone, both to bring my body in line with my mental image and to finally be visibly "other", and I feel like I'm waiting for that experience to finally feel fully validated. Like I can't be trans* until I LOOK trans* and start physically transitioning.

Being out to my immediate family, friends, and being willing to share when appropriate in class helps minimize this experience, but I recently came out to my psychiatrist, who does NOT have any trans* patient experience. It was humiliating having to try to answer his stereotype-dependent questions to try to prove to him that I really am trans*. I still feel like he doesn't believe me or thinks it's a borderline identity phase, even though this has been a stable part of my identity for about 7 months now and I know now that there's been signs of this Ive ignored and pushed down that go YEARS back.

I guess I just need to hear from someone who understands trans* issues that you don't have to fit the binary-identified, known-since-childhood, fit-gender-stereotypes model and still be trans*.

I don't have first-hand experience, but my ex would fit along the spectrum I think you are talking about. For a long time, she felt more comfortable dressing in women's clothes, then eventually gravitated more towards men's fashion. She had top-surgery, but I am not sure about her intentions for the full surgery. I personally don't think you have to necessarily be a part of the binary description of gender to consider yourself trans. It's all more of a spectrum...
I'm sorry you are having a difficult time with the psychiatrist and the general public. I'm glad though that you have a place to be open and yourself about it. I hope that continues. I also hope you get a response from someone who understands more fully.

What constitutes "trans enough"??? Is it possible to just be you & not need to put a label? Personally after wrestling with this myself, I decided to just be queer, & let things happen as they do.
Good luck!!

You seem a little bit hung up on putting labels on yourself. I'm saying this based on your post and also your choice of user "genderqueerbpd". If I had to put a label on myself, the first thing I would say wouldn't be my gender or my ADHD. To me, those are aspects of who I am, but they don't define me. You're a person outside of being trans and having BPD too. You're just a person who happens to have BPD and who happens to have a gender identity that is different from your birth sex. Yes, it is an extremely important part of who you are as a person, but it isn't your entire definition. Maybe I'm wrong to suggest that you are thinking that way, but I just wanted to say that in case.

There is also no such thing as "not trans enough". Some women are actually men, some men like to cross dress, some men were born as women and still enjoy dressing as a woman. These labels are just that: labels. All they do is categorize people so they can be identified in an easier way. They aren't rigid definitions that you must follow in order to have value. Don't let yourself get so obsessed with labeling yourself that you stop yourself from being who you are and doing what you love.

You're right: I have been getting hung up on labels. Part of that is because I feel like I don't know who I am if I don't have the labels. I don't get nearly this hung up on sexuality labels, but I think that's because I've ID'ed as some kind of queer for years now, whereas I've only ID'ed as genderqueer for seven months. I think another part of it has to do with the fact that I will be persuing hormones once I get back from vacation and my experience has me worried about getting approved (even though the clinic I picked out is an informed consent clinic and explicitly states on their website that they acknowledge non-binary identities).

Makes sense. We as people tend to label things. Our philosophies, politics, likes and dislikes. Some times we're lost when we don't have an easily identifiable term for something.

I don't think you need to look any certain way to be or feel "tran" though, but I'm definitely no expect on the subject. I have one friend who identifies as female but for many reasons she won't be getting the surgery or altering her appearance in any way, but I don't think that makes her any less tran.