[Grey Matter]

Hey, you identify with how you're comfortable! And you show it with how your comfortable. No matter how you dress, or how you appear, your gender identity is yours and should be respected either way. Maybe you are bi-gender? Meaning you are both binary genders and it fluctuates?

That's possible, though one is predominate. Although, that could be because I suppress the other one. I was more open to it until I moved away to go to grad school and I was too afraid to see if I could "get away with it". That and my body shape has drastically changed since I moved, so I needed new clothes. And since I seem to be more interested in guys, I just thought that I had to be more effeminate and so I started wearing mostly junior's clothes/clothes that I had when I was younger and dressed more like a girl. That hasn't worked to attract anybody though...also doesn't help that I don't like masculine guys which eliminates the vast majority of straight guys. And I don't know any bi guys or non-binary gendered people (am I saying that correctly?).

Anyway, I'm caught between not really knowing what exactly I want because I'm too afraid to explore. I have finally found a place where I'm not a weirdo and where I'm treated with respect for the most part...I really don't want to jeopardize that. I also don't want to confuse other people until I have a definite idea what/who I am. Otherwise, they won't take me seriously and I wouldn't blame them.

I've tried to join different GLBT groups, but I always feel like I don't belong. Like I'm not really one of them—like I'm not "gay" enough. And I still go by my birth gender.