This is Going to Sound Weird

Because I have no maternal bond, whenever I have maternal needs that stems from a bond that never took place...feminine feelings emerge within myself.
I have never been nurtured and I am now fantasizing about it more.
I don't fit the part of having these feelings.
Maybe it's a part of me that thinks that the hurt little boy inside would be better off with a mother instead of me. I don't know.
Does anyone else deal with this?

Maybe its age?

Im not exactly maternal but I've had periods where I desire having and nurturing a child. It comes and goes for me. Maybe it does for you, too?

I have children an have lots of maternal instinct. That is not a problem. The problem lies with me lacking the maternal instinct when I was a child and the problem it has caused in my emotional development. I don't like to be touched, held, consoled, I am not accepting of love, I don't show emotions other then happy. I do not cry, I do not show anger, I do not show sadness. This has cost me in many ways in the relationships I have been in. Most of them didn't work out because of the lack of attachment.

I do not have a problem showing affection to children or animals. I have 3 kids, and I work in day care. My lack of internal emotional maternal instinct makes day care great. I can work with babies and posess a calm that the babies pick up on, so they don't cry much. When there is a baby that is difficult, the teacher comes to get me. They call me the baby tamer. I have no emotion that it can read.

I also work with abused horses and lack of internal maternal instinct helps lots. I don't have ups and downs in emotion for the animal to pick up on.

So this is not all bad. It has it's usefulness. Just not in personal relationships and bed rooms.

There are times when I want these maternal bonding things within my self, and it is very frustration because I am not able to achieve them and can't let myself feel them with people. My T and I have worked on this and are not making much headway. She has determined that I can show greater emotion with animals. I have a stronger bond with animals them people. She also says that is ok. So as part of Therapy I spend an hour a day with the horse, or the cat as a way to fill the human need for connection. Even though my need is not strong. She also says that touch weather with animals or people is important to brain chemistry. So you need it. God didn't design us to be solitary creatures. Touch lowers blood pressure, increases endorphin's, and has many health benefits. So it matters not if this need gets met by animal r human as long as it is met. My hubby may beg to differ, he is jealous of the cat and the horse.