[AnimeNerd]

I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and he hardly ever initiates sex. He always says he's too tired and usually I have to nag/whine and sometimes break down and cry about not getting sex from him. I constantly think that if I lose enough weight that maybe he will want it more (in my mind that's how men are, the smaller you are the more sex they want). I feel like maybe it's really because I have thick thighs and maybe I crush him when I'm on top of him....I'm too afraid to dress sexy in the bedroom because I'm afraid he'll think "ugh, she REALLY thinks she looks hot in THAT?" or "she's so fat, how can she honestly think that looks good on her!?" When I talk to him he says it isn't me, but I know it is I just know it....He doesn't have ED or anything and he's only 27. Shouldn't he want sex multiple times a day? Or at least once a day and not once a WEEK? What should I do to find out the REAL reason he doesn't want sex a lot? I'm trying really hard to get super skinny and I'm getting braces and hopefully a nose job, so I need other ways to get him to want me, without me dressing sexy because that is just GROSS!

Any advice? Sorry If I went off a little, I do that a lot. I need to get back on meds.

Is he out late working a lot? Does he watch a lot of porn?

[Harley47]

Hi Animenerd. Love the username...lol kindred soul here.

Firstly, don't immediately assume it's all you, as that's unfair to yourself. There's nothing at all wrong with being a little thick. Not everyone finds "super skinny" to be mandatory for sexual attraction...Marilyn Monroe, as a prominent example, was far from "super skinny." The whole "skinny = sexy" thing is resultant of a gross saturation in advertising and societal perception on what represents one percent (if I'm recalling that statistic correctly) of the population. My point is be happy with who you are, and don't jump to conclusions.

As far as he goes, there could be a myriad of reasons...does he work late/strenuous job? Is he timid or shy? Masturbate a lot? He could simply have a lower libido than you, which isn't an "abnormality" or anything...just him being him. That all said, have you spoken at length about your sex life with him? A little conversation in that regard could go a long way in discovering what it is that determines your frequency, and possibly compromise for increasing it.

I hope things improve soon, and I wish you all my best.

Hugs,
Harley

[AnimeNerd]

Originally Posted by Lycanthrope

Is he out late working a lot? Does he watch a lot of porn?

Nope, never out late and he works from 6 am to 2:30 pm. He never watches porn either (I'm the only one who goes on the computer).

[AnimeNerd]

Originally Posted by Harley47

Hi Animenerd. Love the username...lol kindred soul here.

Firstly, don't immediately assume it's all you, as that's unfair to yourself. There's nothing at all wrong with being a little thick. Not everyone finds "super skinny" to be mandatory for sexual attraction...Marilyn Monroe, as a prominent example, was far from "super skinny." The whole "skinny = sexy" thing is resultant of a gross saturation in advertising and societal perception on what represents one percent (if I'm recalling that statistic correctly) of the population. My point is be happy with who you are, and don't jump to conclusions.

As far as he goes, there could be a myriad of reasons...does he work late/strenuous job? Is he timid or shy? Masturbate a lot? He could simply have a lower libido than you, which isn't an "abnormality" or anything...just him being him. That all said, have you spoken at length about your sex life with him? A little conversation in that regard could go a long way in discovering what it is that determines your frequency, and possibly compromise for increasing it.

I hope things improve soon, and I wish you all my best.

Hugs,
Harley

Thanks, I'm pretty obsessed hehe.

Yeah....I keep trying to tell myself not everyone wants/expects women to super super thin models but my brain ALWAYS goes back to it having to do with weight, argh.

He doesn't really work late, he wakes up really early though for work...Then after work sometimes he works on bikes or jetskis to make more money on the side. He can be shy/timid, he told me he isn't super sexual because he doesn't feel confident but I have no clue why he wouldn't feel confident because he actually is really good looking. To me a person who is good looking is confident....I'm going to try and talk to him when he gets home about it, no nagging or accusing on my part hehe. I hope the talk goes well ^__^

Thanks for your post

[Harley47]

My pleasure. It's what I'm here for.

If I had to guess, the lack of confidence could be a major player. That is, ironically, something I understand fairly well. If he doesn't feel like he's...up to task, I suppose, that could be a huge factor in why he doesn't seek sex more: if it makes him feel uncomfortable by virtue of lack of confidence, he precludes the issue by avoiding sex.

I hope the talk goes well, and do let us know how it goes.

Hugs,
Harley

Do you enjoy having sex with him and if so, do you let him know that you enjoy it?

Originally Posted by AnimeNerd

Nope, never out late and he works from 6 am to 2:30 pm. He never watches porn either (I'm the only one who goes on the computer).

Maybe he has erection problems. Maybe insecure about his penis size. Maybe he was brought up to think sex is dirty. Maybe he masturbates too much, has a low sex drive.

Unfortunately, it could be that he doesn't find you attractive, but I'd be surprised, even in that situation that a heterosexual guy would turn down sex.

[atomicc]

My boyfriend is the exact same. We've been together three years and we hardly have sex. I too have worried endlessly that it was me and felt awful, but honestly if you're still together as a couple, it's not you.
In my case my boyfriend has gained a good amount of weight since we were first together, he is slower and uncomfortable in his body so that's why we don't have sex. I accept him for that and understand because previously I had the same issue.
The confidence thing is big for men in sex and if he says that's why then chances are that's probably exactly what it is. Don't go trying to change all these things about you, after four years it's clear he loves you for you.

[allme]

I don't think there is any amount of sex you should ever be having. I mean, it's totally dependent on the person. And after 4 yrs of being together, it wont be as much as you used to and actually it may even become less the more time you are together. By no means think it's personal You said you guys get together once a week so he must find you attractive to want to do it even if it is just once a week.

The most important thing here is to speak to him. Tell him how you feel

[eblam81]

I'm confused with this one because I'd like to know the answer to that too! I have a similar problem myself! Been living with my boyfriend for 4 yrs. now and at first we'd have sex 3 times a day! Now I have to beg for it, and even then it seems like he makes excuses. Even though he acts loving towards me, he avoids sex with me lately and it's very hurtful and makes me feel lonely. On the other hand there are other guys that would have sex with me easily but I don't want them! I'm frustrated!