advertisement
Reply
Thread Tools Display Modes
lazy1224
New Member
lazy1224 has no updates.
 
Member Since: Nov 2013
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 5
10 yr Member
Default Nov 12, 2013 at 07:49 PM
  #1
My genitals have decided that I be female but I don't feel like that at all. I feel genderless. I like to portray myself like the strong masculine figure who's in control (similar to butch or tomboy) but not entirely as there remain some traits of my character more related to a lazy cat.
I've never considered males more than bros. I've had some interest in girls but not all, just some particular individuals, who turn out to either have connection to the spiritual or are suffering or have suffered from serious health issues. The body doesn't attract me. I have a girlfriend but I am not attracted to her physically, it's more like a loyalty bond. I don't mind having sex with her, though. I only accept to be the penetrating side, giving pleasure to others. This sort of activity doesn't bring me pleasure anyway. I've done masturbation but it's not exciting in the end as they often portray it.
I can't really determine what I am... A truly unique being perhaps? I often don't consider myself from this world anyway.

At first I though I was lesbian because I first liked girls, but that's not the case because I don't get excited by a naked woman, I don't behave like a lesbian. I can be in a girls company with no problems and secondly, it tended to be only certain types of girls as I stated above. The feelings I had for them can't be considered 'love' but either loaylty, mania and need of possession. Thirdly, I can't be a lesbian because I don't think of myself as a 'woman'. I tend to act more boyish but it's not like I want to change genders. I'm actually comfortable in my body and the only changes I want to make are through physical exercise. I think the case may be that I am asexual but again, as I've mentioned, I don't like pleasing my physcial body, I am not attracted to it, instead, disgusted because I want to look more masculine without changing gender.

The only thing I find pleasing or the moment when I am happy in my skin and truly feel as what I am is when I dress up as a character from favourite japanese anime/manga series, always a male to whom I can find affiliation of my philosophy. Thus, by asuming the character's behavior as my own brings me true pleasure and ecstasy. But I can only be that character in certain contexts, like on a convention, not in everyday life. When I am alone at home I usually make the full costume and dress up as that character and act it out, make videos and take pictures of myself.

I know people won't understand me that's why I can't speak to anyone about it in person, but here on the forums anonymity protects me from stereotypical reactions so I'll be glad to hear what more intelligent people have to say about my conditions.
lazy1224 is offline   Reply With QuoteReply With Quote
 
Hugs from:
Ryuguu_Rena

advertisement
All times are GMT -5. The time now is 03:33 AM.
Powered by vBulletin® — Copyright © 2000 - 2024, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.



 

My Support Forums

My Support Forums is the online community that was originally begun as the Psych Central Forums in 2001. It now runs as an independent self-help support group community for mental health, personality, and psychological issues and is overseen by a group of dedicated, caring volunteers from around the world.

 

Helplines and Lifelines

The material on this site is for informational purposes only, and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis or treatment provided by a qualified health care provider.

Always consult your doctor or mental health professional before trying anything you read here.