[Secretum]

Anyone ever experience this? My boss is an obese man in his mid 60s. I like his hair, but that is about the end of my physical attraction to him. However, I feel a strong sexual attraction to him nonetheless, mostly based on his personality and intelligence. I've had more erotic dreams about him than about anyone else!

I'm both intensely attracted to and mildly repulsed by him. It's really confusing.

[mazing]

I think there is a very strong intellectual/personality component in attraction. It is definitely a lot more than just physical appearances.

I have experienced something similar myself. I think it is very normal from what I know

[wife22]

I always thought that for woman/women at the basis of deep sexual attraction is intellectual connection and some physical traits. Otherwise we should have been sexually attracted to half of actors or nice looking models,which we are absolutely not.
I have been attracted to a obese guy with beautiful sense of humor and kindness,seeing his eyes only.not obesity
I do believe it is completely normal

[growlycat]

The power differential may be attractive to you.

What growlycat said.

I am mostly attracted to women who can treat me badly or be condescending and cool. If they can be like that then their physical attributes are almost irrelevant.

[scorpiosis37]

Yes, I've experienced this, too. I have a strong intellectual and emotional connection to a former professor of mine who I do NOT find physically attractive. In fact, when I met her, my first impression of her was that she was particularly unfortunate looking. She is 20 years older than me, underweight, has lots of wrinkles, has fairly strong features, doesn't have any curves, doesn't wear make-up, and dresses like a garage sale threw up on her body. (Actually, she told me some of her clothes WERE from garage sales!) So, if I were to simply see her walking down the street, not only would I not find her "hot," I'd think "yikes! poor woman needs a makeover, stat!" And yet, after collaborating with her on a project and developing a close friendship with her, I began to start fantasizing about her. I was in a relationship at the time with a woman who was ten times more attractive than the professor, and yet I frequently found my mind wandering. I started thinking about her body and being intimate with her, and yet I never started to think she was physically attractive. I felt a desire to be with her, despite not being attracted to her. I understand that attraction is emotional and intellectual (not just physical) so, in that way, it makes sense that I developed a crush on the professor. Yet, how could I want to be physically intimate with someone I did not find physically attractive? I always found it a little confusing. I could look at her hands and think "wow, they're really wrinkled and masculine and worn" and, at the same time, think "I really want her to touch me." It was an odd experience.

[unaluna]

I feel that way about Gerard Depardieu, the French movie star. I first saw him in Last Metro From Paris, where he was this big lumbering shlomo hanging around Catherine Deneuve and I was like, so when is the leading man in this movie gonna show up already?? Then he started to grow on me, no pun intended.

[earth_maiden]

I have experienced this with two of my exes. It took me years to figure out that I'm attracted to people for different reasons, it's not always about how they look. I really value depth and intelligence in a person. Sometimes I'm strongly attracted to someone simply because they have a good sense of humor. Both of these exes were very happy, confident, outgoing and charming girls. One was very witty and funny; the other was pretty suave. I have to say, as soon as the relationship started to unravel, it suddenly became very noticeable to me how much I was not attracted to them physically. I'm probably a big asshole for feeling that way, but it's true.

[00642]

I think one or two of my past relationships have been based on this, and major crushes too.
Probably why they didn't last long because it was pretty much a sexual relationship than anything else and I could never really explain why I was attracted to them except at the time, I kind of was.
Like someone else said about the power difference too; I think that's a big contribution too.

[oceanwater7]

Maybe it's his zodiac sign.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Secretum

Anyone ever experience this? My boss is an obese man in his mid 60s. I like his hair, but that is about the end of my physical attraction to him. However, I feel a strong sexual attraction to him nonetheless, mostly based on his personality and intelligence. I've had more erotic dreams about him than about anyone else!

I'm both intensely attracted to and mildly repulsed by him. It's really confusing.

congratulations on feeling intense attraction! As far as analyzing it - it is an interesting exercise, to be sure, but is not necessary to enjoy the dreams...