[Sarahdox]

When we first got together, we used to have sex multiple times a week, sometimes twice a day. It seemed like he had a higher sex drive than me, and I have always been the one who has a higher sex drive in all my relationships. But after we moved in together 6 months later, it dropped to once a week and has been so roughly for the past year and a half. I've noticed that he watches porn and masturbates every time I leave the house. This has upset me greatly because I'm always willing to have sex or even go down on him without asking anything in return, but he often doesn't seem interested. A couple of weeks ago our sex life picked up when we had a lot of times off together and were working the same shifts. I also noticed he randomly got erections when we were just hanging out and that's not something that usually happens. But now that he's had time alone every day for the past week, he hardly seems interested at all. He told me he thinks he just doesn't have that high of a sex drive, but I don't think that's the case if he's masturbating everyday, even on days that we have had sex. Also, he only ejaculates when I give him a blowjob. He used to ejaculate from sex at first, but he hasn't in a long time. I heard that this can be caused by excessive masturbation, is this true?

I've talked to him about all of this stuff before and he assures me that he still finds me sexy, and that masturbation is a totally different thing for him, but I still worry that it's affecting our sex life. He also doesn't seem as present and aroused when I know he's been masturbating a lot. I don't know if there is any truth to masturbation effecting your sex drive or not, but these are things I've observed and it seems likely to me. I don't know how to bring this up to him because he denies that he masturbates that much and I don't want to make him defensive or feel guilty for doing what's natural. I just want to be able to arouse him like I used to and for us to have the passionate love life I feel like we could have.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by Sarahdox

Also, he only ejaculates when I give him a blowjob. He used to ejaculate from sex at first, but he hasn't in a long time. I heard that this can be caused by excessive masturbation, is this true?

This is true. He can put more pressure on himself with his hand than you can with your girly parts. He needs to take a moratorium from masturbation to get his sensitivity back.

As far as affecting your sex life though, I'm not so sure about it. It almost sounds like there might be something else going on. It sounds like the masturbation is a reaction to stress to be perfectly honest.

The lowering of his sex drive isn't about you in any way, but possibly due to some depression or stress that he is alleviating through masturbation. Is there something else going on that's maybe money or work related?

Also, his "love language" might be related to your time together. When you're together more, his sex drive goes up and when you're apart more, it drops. This is the way I am. The more I feel like my wife and I are a couple, the more my sex drive goes up. When we are more distant, my sex drive drops.

But overall, it sounds like maybe there's something else going on.

Porn is damaging him. There's a lot of info out there about the dangers of porn on erection quality. This is not about you being unattractive, but the slippery slope of watching too much porn and porn raising the bar so high, that no flesh and blood woman can compete. I wouldn't go as far to say he's an addict, but he's on the path to becoming one.

Masturbation with a tight grip will also effect sensitivity. He needs to stop masturbation for a while ( perhaps a couple of month) and when he does go back, a much lighter grip and ideally without using porn.

[hamster-bamster]

Sarah,

You reported that the sex frequency dropped when you moved in with him. Could it be that you are too available?

You also mentioned shift work. If he is working nights, or, if his schedule involves erratic shifts, he may develop all sorts of physiological problems - sex in part is physiological, so the drive might become compromised.

All of it is about him - his spontaneous erections, his inability to have a climax inside your vagina, your willingness to give him blow jobs without asking for a reciprocity, etc. - a whole lot about him. What about you?