[The Fox & the Hound]

I have the desire (sometimes) to have a boyfriend, but usually not. If i get a BF it just so we can hang out & stuff,

I almost 17, but I am still not really interested in dating. & I have NO desire to have sex, & I never have had the desire to have sex.

I am usually depressed most of the day, so the might have something to do with it.

But why? I feel like this is not normal, seriously. I do not think it is normal!

[Hoyam]

low sex desire is a direct effect of depression, and ur just 17 so that's normal I started to have those feelings when I finally had a bf I loved (was 18 or so) and it took a LONG time to actually have sexual contact with him so dnt worry when u find the right person those feelings will come

[LiteraryLark]

Originally Posted by The Fox & the Hound

I have the desire (sometimes) to have a boyfriend, but usually not. If i get a BF it just so we can hang out & stuff,

I almost 17, but I am still not really interested in dating. & I have NO desire to have sex, & I never have had the desire to have sex.

I am usually depressed most of the day, so the might have something to do with it.

But why? I feel like this is not normal, seriously. I do not think it is normal!

Why? Because you're 17. You're just starting to go through puberty, you haven't developed a sex drive yet. Depression will also curb your sexual desire, but it's completely normal to not want to have sex yet at your age.

[The Fox & the Hound]

Thanks, I have had people tell me. I have something wrong with me cause I dont have the desire... Just was wondering

[LiteraryLark]

Just because it's not the norm doesn't mean there's something wrong with you. It's completely normal not to have a sex drive. Some people just don't have one.

[danvb]

My goodness...

There is nothing wrong with you at all. Honestly, what's normal is exactly what you're feeling. You want to have a boyfriend to hang out with and to have fun with... You don't want to have sex... OK. That's normal. You're 16 (ALMOST 17 ) years old. You don't have sexual desire. OK. There's nothing wrong with that.
Look, in todays society we're ALL constantly being bombarded with SEX. You open up a magazine and what do you find? An advertiser is using a sexually suggestive picture of a model wearing a pair of low-cut designer jeans, or there might be a picture of a scantily clad man using sex to hawk the latest brand of antipersperant. You turn on the television and guess what? Yeah... it's there too. SEX is used to attract viewers or sell products... Movies? Oh yeah... Sex sells!
But there is a very real down-side to using sex to market products and ideas. The down-side is that since we are constantly bombarded with all of these sexual situations, products and ideas that society as a whole begins to believe that those marketing illusions are real. That's to say, people begin to associate their own sexual identities and sexual health with that of the illusions presented by the marketing world. Young women are prime targets for the marketing of desire... If they dress in certain clothes or wear a particular brand of scent or use a popular brand of make-up they will be making themselves MUCH more desirable to males. Celebrities and popular people influence those people that try to emulate them. Friends influence friends. All of the sudden, thoughts and ideas that were once considered mainstream are no longer that way. Society has learned to reflect the artificial ideals and standards that they're surrounded with and immersed in... Who says you should experience sexual desire at the age of 16? Where did you get the idea that if you didn't want to have sex with a boyfriend at age 16 that there was something wrong with you? Would you have thought those things if you were living all by yourself on a deserted island? If you weren't surrounded with friends and family and media that told you what you should or should not feel or think, would you consider yourself to be deficient in some way because you didn't have the desire to go out and bop your boyfriend?

The answer to that is obvious.

You would feel exactly the way you feel right now. You're 16 (almost 17) and you don't feel sexual desire and you don't want to have sex.

Cool...

I wonder how many women your age are having sex even if they don't feel sexual desire or want to have sex. You KNOW that thats the case in many situations. How many young women are having sex because everyone else around them is having sex? How many young women are having sex because they believe it's what they're SUPPOSED to do?

You feel what you feel. That's what's normal. Please believe that. Don't judge yourself harshly or think you're defective in some way because you feel or don't feel what you THINK might be normal.

Um... I'm and old guy. In MY day, you know, back when dinosaurs still walked the earth, if a 16 year old girl was having sex she was considered "easy" and without morals. Boys really liked her... well, that's not exactly true. Boys really liked what she had between her legs and the fact that she didn't have any problem sharing it. The "normal" thing was that 16 year old females didn't have the pressure to experience sexual desire nearly to the extent that there is today... Do you think women are any different today than then? Nope. The only thing that's different is the perception of what's expected of them and what's "normal".

It's funny how things have changed... well, that TOO isn't exactly what I mean. There is no humor in the change in societial values that's taken place. Young people are being given a lot of mixed signals and are expected to sort them out on their own... and are running into all kinds of problems trying to make sense of it all.

Honestly, what you're feeling is NORMAL. The idea that you should be feeling sexual desire and wanting to have sex is an artificially planted belief.

You WILL feel sexual desire if and when you are ready to experience it.

Sexual desire is a very complex emotion. There is no such thing as "normal" desire, either in WHEN it's first experienced and to what EXTENT and how strong you experience it. There are many mental and physiological factors that contribute to the creation of sexual desire. It's generally agreed that "desire" is what each person wants it to be, but only when they're ready to experience it.

So, don't beat yourself up over this. You are a fine, normal, healthy 16 (almost 17) year old woman... Don't believe anything OTHER than that.

Dan

[The Fox & the Hound]

Originally Posted by danvb

My goodness...

There is nothing wrong with you at all. Honestly, what's normal is exactly what you're feeling. You want to have a boyfriend to hang out with and to have fun with... You don't want to have sex... OK. That's normal. You're 16 (ALMOST 17 ) years old. You don't have sexual desire. OK. There's nothing wrong with that.
Look, in todays society we're ALL constantly being bombarded with SEX. You open up a magazine and what do you find? An advertiser is using a sexually suggestive picture of a model wearing a pair of low-cut designer jeans, or there might be a picture of a scantily clad man using sex to hawk the latest brand of antipersperant. You turn on the television and guess what? Yeah... it's there too. SEX is used to attract viewers or sell products... Movies? Oh yeah... Sex sells!
But there is a very real down-side to using sex to market products and ideas. The down-side is that since we are constantly bombarded with all of these sexual situations, products and ideas that society as a whole begins to believe that those marketing illusions are real. That's to say, people begin to associate their own sexual identities and sexual health with that of the illusions presented by the marketing world. Young women are prime targets for the marketing of desire... If they dress in certain clothes or wear a particular brand of scent or use a popular brand of make-up they will be making themselves MUCH more desirable to males. Celebrities and popular people influence those people that try to emulate them. Friends influence friends. All of the sudden, thoughts and ideas that were once considered mainstream are no longer that way. Society has learned to reflect the artificial ideals and standards that they're surrounded with and immersed in... Who says you should experience sexual desire at the age of 16? Where did you get the idea that if you didn't want to have sex with a boyfriend at age 16 that there was something wrong with you? Would you have thought those things if you were living all by yourself on a deserted island? If you weren't surrounded with friends and family and media that told you what you should or should not feel or think, would you consider yourself to be deficient in some way because you didn't have the desire to go out and bop your boyfriend?

The answer to that is obvious.

You would feel exactly the way you feel right now. You're 16 (almost 17) and you don't feel sexual desire and you don't want to have sex.

Cool...

I wonder how many women your age are having sex even if they don't feel sexual desire or want to have sex. You KNOW that thats the case in many situations. How many young women are having sex because everyone else around them is having sex? How many young women are having sex because they believe it's what they're SUPPOSED to do?

You feel what you feel. That's what's normal. Please believe that. Don't judge yourself harshly or think you're defective in some way because you feel or don't feel what you THINK might be normal.

Um... I'm and old guy. In MY day, you know, back when dinosaurs still walked the earth, if a 16 year old girl was having sex she was considered "easy" and without morals. Boys really liked her... well, that's not exactly true. Boys really liked what she had between her legs and the fact that she didn't have any problem sharing it. The "normal" thing was that 16 year old females didn't have the pressure to experience sexual desire nearly to the extent that there is today... Do you think women are any different today than then? Nope. The only thing that's different is the perception of what's expected of them and what's "normal".

It's funny how things have changed... well, that TOO isn't exactly what I mean. There is no humor in the change in societial values that's taken place. Young people are being given a lot of mixed signals and are expected to sort them out on their own... and are running into all kinds of problems trying to make sense of it all.

Honestly, what you're feeling is NORMAL. The idea that you should be feeling sexual desire and wanting to have sex is an artificially planted belief.

You WILL feel sexual desire if and when you are ready to experience it.

Sexual desire is a very complex emotion. There is no such thing as "normal" desire, either in WHEN it's first experienced and to what EXTENT and how strong you experience it. There are many mental and physiological factors that contribute to the creation of sexual desire. It's generally agreed that "desire" is what each person wants it to be, but only when they're ready to experience it.

So, don't beat yourself up over this. You are a fine, normal, healthy 16 (almost 17) year old woman... Don't believe anything OTHER than that.

Dan

Thanks I shouldn't of listened to my friend. She is obessesed with sex, & really wants to do it/always look up how to do it/looks at sexual pictures & other things....

[Pandoren]

If it helps, I'm 26 this year and I've never been sexually attracted to anyone and have never done the do because I've never wanted to. It may be the case that depression is affecting your libido, or that you are a late bloomer, but you also might like to read up about asexuality (where someone doesn't experience sexual attraction- you can also find info about non-libidoist asexuals as well) and aromanticism (not experiencing romantic attraction). I am myself an aromantic asexual. It's not unheard of and not unique!

As people have said, you've yet to grow and gain experience yet. I'm sorry you feel pressured at your age to gain a better understanding of something like this. You could read up on the topic but it may just serve to confuse you further. My advice would be to get your depression treated and carry on enjoying being young and free - there is so much time for you to figure out who you are so please just relax and enjoy the lack of complexities these parts of adult life contain - it can be no fun at times!

[JLarissaDragon]

Sexual desire is not a measure of your self worth. At 16 you are just beginning to discover who you are and really there should be no pressure to hop into the sack with someone. Puberty and sexual desire develop at different ages in girls and our levels of desire vary a lot. SO please do not let anyone tell you that you are not normal. It is simply not true. Truthfully being sexually active at an early age like I was carries a whole lot of problems and creates a whole lot of baggage that I would just as soon no have had.

I am sure you are a sweet and desirable person. Don't let people push you

[hamster-bamster]

Hmm... how did my great great grandmother manage to get married at 16 and live with her husband for many decades until he died, leaving her pregnant with their last child of a great many children (that last child died in infancy while the older ones survived into adulthood)?

I always ask myself this question when I see theories about adolescent sexuality being an artificial result of marketing ploys.

On a more individualized note, the age of puberty varies and the age when you become interested in sexual things varies a lot, too, and you are well within the norm with nothing to worry about. But depression should be treated, not in an effort to increase the desire but in order to have the much needed energy for life, schoolwork, etc.

If that is any reassurance, I did not get into serious drive until much older than you are now, but in 5he end my level of desire is above average.

You could just be a later bloomer then your friends. I wasnt the sex crazed teen like many of my peers, I didnt have any real interest as a teen and had no desire for a boyfriend until 26 (even then he chased me, not vice versa). Dont let it stress you out, naturally it will happen when the time is right. Enjoy the years of not having sex to deal with! There is nothing wrong with you

[danvb]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I always ask myself this question when I see theories about adolescent sexuality being an artificial result of marketing ploys.

I don't see adolescent sexuality being the result of marketing ploys. Sexuality will happen with or without marketing ploys. The trouble arises when an adolescent has not yet begun to feel natures tug towards procreation but is immersed in the artificially created images of what is considered to be "normal" sexuality. Those artificial images are misleading, confusing and can be damaging to the adolescent that is uncertain of their sexuality and what it all means. Those market-driven concepts of sexuality serve as quasi-role models for adolescent society. They provide the markers for what is normal and acceptable in society and what is not. They are false and distorted images of normalcy driven only by the need for profit. Essentially, the marketing of sexuality creates a new paradigm in which society mirrors the market. It becomes a case of the tail wagging the dog. It which case, those that are not ready to embrace the sexuality portrayed in the mass media come to believe that something is wrong with them... Because, just look at the images they are surrounded with and immersed in! Those manipulative and misleading images are the things that are informing them of what's normal... and that they don't measure up unless they conform with the new paradigm.

Dan

[hamster-bamster]

Ok, you asked me to look around for images related to sexuality. So I see waxed headless male torsos selling deodorant. Do I think that waxed headless torsos of young men are sexy? No, I think they look stupid beyond reason. Also, I see Kim Kardashian a lot. Is she sexy? She is, but not at the level that could justify my seeing her so many times when I wait in line for the groceries.

In other words, I have ideas about what is sexy and I use those ideas to judge what is around me. You are saying that people are powerless and let the marketing essentially invade their brains. Is that what you are saying? Oh are you saying that the brains of adolescents, and only adolescents, are especially vulnerable to marketing? I'd be willing to believe that - similar to driving - but it would require neuro scientific research to determine that their minds are vulnerable at that stage.

Unless we have such proof, why not try the good old peer pressure hypothesis? Having sex is a major milestone, so, quite naturally, there are hype, anxiety, a sense of competition, curiosity, and a host of other things that, acting in concert, result in peer pressure.

[danvb]

Well, yes. Of course targeted marketing is an effective way to change the perceptions of a certain segment of the populace! You asked for proof? There is no need for neuro scientific research. A much more accurate way of measuring the effacacy of any marketing ploy lies in the fact that the marketing of sexuality and sexually provocitive advertisements continues to be used to sell products and sway perceptions and opinions. If it didn't work they wouldn't continue to use it! You need look no further than that. Money talks. If an advertising campaign fails to reach a targeted audience, the campaign is either abandoned or is refocused until the expected results are achieved.

I'm not saying that marketing is the ONLY thing that affects the self perception of an adolescent, but there is no doubt that marketing that is specifically TARGETED towards the adolescent plays a significant role. The brains of adolescents are no more susceptible to targeted marketing pressures than any other segment of the populace. The effacasy of any sort of marketing depends on whether or not it is targeted and executed correctly.

There are many, many factors involved in creating and shaping self perception and self worth. Advertising is to name but a single one of many. Yes, peer pressure is also a huge factor in adolsecent development.

Dan