that million dollar question to women in love

What I meant in the first paragraph was said better by Sophie.


What happens when she does not follow the advice? Should she be blamed? If not do you think she isn't blamed directly or indirectly or feels shame? Why do you think it is not necessary to educate the men at the same time? If she does break this advice is it ok to take advantage of her?

"Rapes don't get reported for a number of reasons. One the victim fears they won't be believed and perhaps shunned by their own family, another could be the victim feels ashamed. So many reasons."

I don't see how you can say this and not see it as a cultural problem.

When I am talking about the media I am talking about all the ads and entertainment that puts women in compromising or weak positions. That stereotypes them. That has them physically exposed while men party (I.e. Alcohol ads). This isn't accidental in any way. No ad person could dispute this. Heck you can even see it happening in madmen 60s style). Who's the best at it? Peggy.

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If she doesn't follow such advice then she's being foolish and playing with fire. If I leave my front door open and it gets ransacked, obviously I didn't deserve it to happen, but I'm being naive to think you can trust everyone to be a law abiding citizen. I never said it's not necessary to educate men but it's an insult to all men to assume we don't know rape is wrong or need to be educated. It's a bit like saying men need educated to know stealing is wrong. The majority of men do not rape anyone and are disgusted by it. Let's not forget that.

And no, of course it's not okay to take advantage of her.

Because this tends to be worldwide, amongst various cultures. So I don't see how it can be a cultural problem. If it's amongst various cultures it's a worldwide phenomena

I'm sorry, but I don't get the whole idea that some model in a bikini in an alcohol ad is the reason why men go out and commit rape. It's like blaming GTA 5 for gang related crime. It's barking up the wrong tree.

The problem with a situation like you're mentioning is that of correlation vs causation. Many times we like to say that since there is a correlation, it proves causation. Like you said, since more violent people tend to enjoy GTA, people will feel that GTA causes people to become violent. But that's not the case. Many people who are very peaceful will enjoy GTA.

So there is a correlation between a societal view that portrays women on beer commercials as always being party girls and rapists views as not seeing them as real people. But those commercials aren't the cause. There are millions of men that can watch that commercial and not see women as objects. It is merely a correlation between the twisted view of a rapist and a societal view of girls who drink being nothing but party girls.

I hope that makes sense, I think I confused myself ...

I'm not sure what the topic is here much less what the million dollar question is but maybe a million dollar question to women in love would get less controversy and more insights if it was posted in the women only forum?
Hope this doesn't stir up more controversy

You, yourself said that the advice was no different.

Personally, I have gotten advice on what to wear and what not to wear and how I should present myself SPECIFICALLY to "avoid" rape and the consequent insinuation that, in the event that I might be, I would somehow be to blame.

Yes, the advice IS different and it shouldn't have to be. It makes me feel guilty before any crime has been committed.....

Possibly....
I'm sure the poster has her reasons for putting it here. And I'm sure the moderators have reason to believe that she posted correctly, or they would have moved it, no?

I'm sure there is some reason... nobody does anything w/o reasons
I was here out of curiosity but I think I will leave this thread quietly now

Wait...I'm coming with....

I'm out of the loop on what GTA means.

I don't really think I can say anymore except with all due respect, I don't think you do not have much knowledge of media and how much influence it yields. There are plenty of resources out there about it if you have an interest in learning.

Luckily there is a whole network of nonprofit men's group who believe differently and are educating other men as well as doing psa's etc. They are in a lot of universities and high schools all over the country. They are called MARS or some similar variation.


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GTA is an awful game better known as Grand Theft Auto where you steal cars and slap prostitutes and such.

Oh, that explains it. No time. Thanks!

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Well gta is only part of the picture just as the bikini image is. It is the entire spectrum of images and messages. It alone doesn't cause anything but it makes shooting people more palatable just like TV shows and movies do. I don't know how we got to recommending everybody have guns in your home. I think I read somebody telling women they should carry guns to protect them from rape the other day. And I'm not sure gun use is higher than the early 1990's when it was really high (but don't quote me, not positive) but the whole culture has this NEED to carry and kind of a paranoia. Now we've got stand your ground in at least one state. Yes it is all part of the big picture of violence including rape.

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I think you're being naive if you think educating men is going to stop rape. It's a bit like educating someone not to steal, or rob banks, or commit violent assault. You know, they're all criminal acts perpetrated by criminals.

If you want to stop rape or make happen less often then you get tougher in those who commit the offence. This is more to do with little punishment or the punishment being soft.

What they should do is incarcerate the serial rapists, offending paedophiles, extremely violent rapists and gang rapists for the rest of their lives. I wouldn't stop there however, what I would suggest is that for those type of offences, the criminal should have their penis and testicles removed by an operation under anesthetic.

For those those with previous good character who commit an act under alcohol/drugs. are perhaps very young. I would suggest a full 10 years in prison but a warning that if they commit such an offence again then they shall receive the same fate.

Not really no. During the wild west Amercians were gunning eachother down in bars all the time. Because there was less chance of being caught, someone with violent tendencies was more likely to act out.

A woman isn't to blame for being raped. However, it is her responsibility to not get herself into potentially dangerous situations. You seem to be against any advice which could be helpful to young women. It's not about blaming women but it is about telling woman about how to prevent a possible crime happening.

And of course a woman should be able to dress how she wants. However I will say, if you are a woman and you don't like being stared at or are not in the mood for male attention, it's probably a good idea to cover up a little bit. That doesn't mean it's okay for a man to rape a woman. But men will stare and look and trying to educate men not to, isn't going to stop it.

I don't even know what to say.

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This will not work on me, I'm afraid....

OK. Anyway I'm done with this thread now.

Here, from my inbox as I receive updates via email:

"Re: Should I do this?
http://forums.psychcentral.com/sexua...ml#post3600097
Posted by: Lycanthrope
On: 02-21-2014 12:35 PM

Ask yourself these two questions.

1. Do you really want to have sex or is because you don't to no longer be a virgin?
2. Do you really find the man attractive or is he just someone who's of convinience to lose your virginity to?

If it's the former to both questions then go ahead and have sex. If it's the latter response to both then you're not ready.

I think waiting for true love and all this unicorn stuff, you could be waiting forever. The 1st time for many isn't special, it gets better with practice. So if you want sex go ahead and do it, just get unrealistic expectations about it since you're both virgins, and make sure you don't end up pregnant.".

Just to make sure that you do not decide that I am following you - I have a nearly perfect verbal recall so when I read something, I remember. I wish my recall of driving directions were as good, but the opposite is true.

At any rate, since you do not have any experience with true love, why have you even opened the OP???? You have led the thread completely astray and have not even respected my wish to be heard FIRST, before opining (I made it clear that I was not done with the story). I do not know what to do with this now because it has gone hopelessly off topic. If you do not know what loves is - and, my point was, only a few people do - why did you do what you did, injecting a completely weird message like this one? What was the point? Oh, and thanks for teaching me politeness. I never "offered" the could be rapist a blowjob - as soon as I realized that giving a blowjob would be the safest option, I proceeded to execution. within milliseconds. Apparently, one needs to "offer" blowjobs, even to would be rapists. Geez, thanks. I have never offered anyone a blowjob - I have always proceeded on the assumption that it would be a welcome gift. But now I know - a woman has to first OFFER a blowjob and not just proceed. By the way, is an oral offer, no pun intended, enough??? Or should the offer be written? Please tell me. Otherwise, please keep away from the thread - if you are so super polite that you think that sex should be OFFERED to potential rapists, can you be polite enough not to take my threads away from their intended topic? this is by the way a support site.

Right, first of all, How do you know I haven't experienced true love based on that comment? Secondly I'm a man, so even if I did experience true love then that is irrelevant anyway because the topics is about a woman only being able to climax if she's in love, not men. Thirdly, how does that take away from my point that some woman have said, that they have had an orgasm during being raped? Some Women have said this themselves, not me. The point is, if that's true, then it blows the theory out of the water and that's why I brought it up.

As for the bit about blowjobs. You're making no sense.