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growlithing
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Default Mar 22, 2014 at 09:05 PM
  #41
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Originally Posted by hamster-bamster View Post
Hmm... if you think a sexual encounter is a hookup, and, that it is semantics, then indeed you do not seem ready for sex, so it is probably best to stop thinking so much about it (if you can).

4) and it is that important for you to see him? that critically important?
5) flashbacks - aren't you in therapy?
2) why do you think he'd take advantage of you? Again, you talk as if you were not in control.
This is semantics again. A sexual encounter in my opinion sounds like a random hook up, not a romantic/sexual relationship. Yes, I am not ready for sex. That doesn't mean I don't want it or feel badly for not having it.

4) I'd like to see him. It's not critically important.
5) Therapy doesn't stop flashbacks. It helps teach you to manage them.
2) Because my father took advantage of me. All encounters with men are badly stained after my own father wouldn't take "no, stop. You're hurting me I can't breathe" as an answer. Of course I don't feel in control.
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hamster-bamster
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Default Sep 20, 2014 at 02:18 PM
  #42
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Originally Posted by growlithing View Post
This is semantics again. A sexual encounter in my opinion sounds like a random hook up, not a romantic/sexual relationship. .
A random hookup is more towards a "casual encounter" rather than a "sexual encounter". It is not synonymous with a "casual encounter" but it leans in that direction, being a stronger term ("random" is an extreme of "casual" and "hookup" is a rude version of "encounter").

Sexual Encounter - definition of Sexual Encounter by Medical dictionary - a completely neutral and generic term

Have you made any progress - the summer is over, the new academic year is here... have you found ways to dress both comfortably for you and without being off-putting in the eyes of others?
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Default Sep 20, 2014 at 02:30 PM
  #43
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My mind is sexually twisted because of the way I use my words? I knew that picking the word asexual was improper because asexual is a legitimate sexuality. It would be like saying I was wearing very bisexual clothes. It doesn’t make sense. I meant to say lacking sexual appeal and that now seems even more offensive because asexual people don’t lack sexual appeal.

Picking the word "asexual" was not improper but weird. You seem wrapped up in the ideas that you might offend someone by your language. I have not met asexuals in RL but met them on here and they seem totally fine and able to stand up for themselves. If they feel offended, they will tell you, and you will then ask for forgiveness.

Clothes are not described with the word "asexual" - there is no such usage. That you invented the word combination "asexual clothes" revealed what seemed to be in line with your sexual preoccupation (something that a psychologist wrote in the chart, right?).

Clothes can be:

- sexy
- flirty
- business casual
- casual
- slimming
- flattering
- bohemian or boho
- bulky
- body-hugging
- romantic
- this is fairly new - tribal
- modest-looking
- baggy
- revealing
- scant
- poorly fitting
- well constructed
- and many more.

It took me two minutes to come up with the list. I do not read fashion magazines. Women who do would come up with 10X that. But "asexual" is not on the list. If you google "asexual clothing", you will see asexual pride t-shirts.

https://www.google.com/search?q=asex...2F%3B250%3B245

checking for word and word expression usage on google is a good way to gain insight into how people use language.
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growlithing
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Default Sep 20, 2014 at 06:43 PM
  #44
I'm confused about why this has resurfaced. I feel as though I have adequately responded to both of these issues 6 months ago. Asexual clothing made no sense. A sexual encounter in my mind sounds like a hookup. Definitions are relative to someone's culture and society and the contexts in which they have heard the word used in the past. We are never going to agree on the words and googling definitions isn't going to help.

No. I am dressing the same way and I still have made no progress with men.
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Default Sep 20, 2014 at 07:59 PM
  #45
Fair enough. I was away and I am returning to threads for this reason.

I would suggest for you the following sequence (it takes a bit of money, though):

1. get a trendy frame if you wear glasses or sunglasses. Spend a couple of months getting used to wearing it.

2. get black yoga pants, a black tunic to go on top of it, and start buying unusual necklaces (the all-black background is forgiving and would let you experiment with different colors unless they are too dark, but you do not want dark necklaces anyway). This would be more feminine without being way different from the status quo, so it would be like a baby step. It would show your creative side - the necklace would be the focal point of the outfit and the variety of available jewelry would enable you to choose something to your liking. Finally, the outfit would be good for your figure.

3. If you do not wear earrings, get your ears pierced (one piercing in the classical style, nothing more). BLOMDAHL Swedish earring company is the best for piercing, and their website has a lookup of providers by zip code. The hole would take 6 weeks to heal, and during that time you will wear the medical grade plastic earring that was used for piercing. After 6 weeks you can start wearing other earrings. I would experiment with studs for a while - they always look classy and do not require any special hairdos. I do not know the shape of your face so I cannot say whether long earrings would be becoming to you, but studs are a no-fail option.

That is enough for 6 months of slowly growing into a more feminine style of clothing and it is an evolutionary rather than a revolutionary approach.

Best of luck.
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Default Sep 22, 2014 at 09:09 AM
  #46
I am also virgin and have 20 years, it's not due to my looks i had been told i am cute and my body its okay, the main problem is that i can't talk to girls it's quite dificult probably due to the social anxiety with girls its alot more dificult to handle and i also believe no one would want me for what i am and in conversations with girls you always need to speak about your past and i don't like to speak about my past.

I also have strong sexual desires but oh well, im kinda used to being alone and unhappy or empty so i don't even try to change that, when the time comes it comes, i have other more important problems to attend to right now.
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