I can't deal with being gay and need a cure.

How do you know that the answer to all of your problems is to "be normal"?

It has always been my wish / dream. I've always wanted social acceptance but have never found it. Though I live in one of the most gay friendly (supposedly) places in the world, I have not found acceptance here. To be happy, you have to live the life that you want.

I hear ya. Everybody "likes" me, but expects me to partner with someone else. We gotta find a new island of misfit toys.

Plus i have this victor/victoria thing going on, that i dont even TRY for.

It's a terrible thing to not get what we want.

I feel they way you feel a lot. I am gay, in the closet, and I still won't accept myself as such, I rather be dead than say I accept that. I used to self injure and have suicidal thoughts becuase I didn't want to live like that anymore. Now I want to live but is so diffictul. I wish I was straight and loved girls and their bodies and was able to sexually function with them. It's so frustrating to be me. HOWEVER, I have started to not give my situation a single thought. Therapy doesn't help because all they say is 'you have to learn to accept yourself' over and over. I don't think about the problems I was having anymore and I have isolated myself from messing around with guys. That's where all my stress, anxiety, depressions, came from: being overly sexual with guys and being too concerned about being gay. Now, I don't give a f**k about those two things anymore. I'm doing me: I dance, work out, go to shool, to keep my head busy everyday. I haven't had a depression in weeks and haven't spoken to a dude in weeks and I'm doing so great man.

So that's a very short summary of my story, is a bit different from yours, but I would just tell you that what you have to do is to try to do things you love and enjoy everyday and keep your mind busy. Try to ignore all the problems because that's what stresses us out, we think too much. So instead just got out more, maybe join the gym, a club, go run and things like that because they helped me so much. I'm barely home now and keep myself very busy. I'm not that good at giving advice but that's my suggestion to you from my own experience. I hope everything gets better for you, I feel you a 100% and wish you the best. No one has to go through this things when we never chose to be who we are. It sucks.

My best wishes to you.

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Being gay is being normal!!!!!

Now this may be about social acceptance but it's nothing to do with your sexuality. Please try to see that.

People feel fat/ugly/small/tall/whatever all the time.

Just get used to your own skin first and do that by going to talk to a therapist about it. Plus you cannot 'cure' gay, gay is something you are, not something that infects you or you choose!

Thanks all for your comments. I've been out of the closet for decades actually. I've done extensive volunteer work in the LGBT community. I was often treated badly, especially as I got older. I worked at a gay owned firm for over a year. I was treated terribly - for the amusement of the founder who is a sociopath - and the abuse continues with negative referrals that prevent me from getting employment. Between the constant abuse from gays and straights, I developed a bad case of c-PTSD. I can't shake it because I am not able to find employment and the freedom that money gives you.

I was a misfit in the LGBT community from day one. I was looking for love when everyone was looking for sex in the late 1970's and early 1980's. When the AIDS epidemic hit, I cut back on sexual activity much to the criticism of my friends. I was never comfortable dating. However, I did not like to trick either - another source of criticism. I would eventually develop feelings for people I'd known for a while. Not once did I receive a positive response. LGBT nightlife is where it's at but I am a morning and day person. I'm not good for much at night - especially socializing. I don't like living in the big city either. I am much more of a suburban guy. My T's don't understand why I don't like the big city. Over the years, I've just become more and more ostracized by the community and I've turned away from it more and more to the point that I don't bother with it anymore. Though I am extremely lonely, I don't miss my LGBT friends at all with the constant criticism. It's obvious that it's a very bad fit. Straight women find me more attractive than gay men do. I would be much better off being straight. I want to part of the LGBT community anymore. It has been more of an enemy than a friend.

Gay is not a disease and cannot be cured. All of the reversion BS and brainwashing is bogus and will not last. If it does last you will be living a lie and nobody could be happy in a lie. Have you tried gearing your therapy toward healing from these unfortunate experiences and the PTSD that came with them? Or has the focus been strictly on changing your orientation?
You deserve to be happy and heal from these experiences. It sounds like these situations may have warped the way you view the LGBT community and yourself. It doesn't have to be that way though. I could vouch for the fact that there are so so many amazing people in this community, supporters included. You need to find these people. Stop volunteering and focus on healing and being a part of support groups. Share your story to empower others instead of allowing your stories to shame you. There are young people out there who need to hear that it's tough but that it is possible to survive and maintain dignity.

You deserve happiness. 4 years of therapy and you're still hating life and who you are. Is that really fair to you? And I question how great of a therapist you could be seeing for you to feel like you have to change and can't be happy just being you.

I wish you happiness and hope you could find peace within yourself.

I know that being gay is not a disease but being gay does not work for me. Never has. Never will. I am miserable being gay. Therapy has not helped. Being gay is a terrible life. I want no part of it. I have met so many sickos in the gay community - there is so much promiscuity, drug use, alcohol use, etc. that I do not want to be a part of it. I stay home all the time. I am very, very angry and bitter. I have told god to go to hell many, many times.

I don't even like gay sex and try to fully abstain from it. I don't enjoy it and my body has a lot of problems with it. It is much more complicated that hetero sex. I am a very simple guy who is easily stressed out from anxiety issues that no one else seems to have. My upbringing was too strict and only created problems for me later in life. Lately, the only way I can see to deal with my issues is to find a cure for being gay. Being gay does not suit my conformist personality. I don't like being different. All I've ever wanted to be since I was a small child was to be like everyone else. That's who I am. I would rather live alone for the rest of my life than interact with the gay community again.

So what's wrong with living like that? One doesn't have to live their life in sexual promiscuity no matter what life style they choose to live.......as far as that goes...there is just as much research that shows that not all gay's are born that way & it's their growing up experiences that are sometimes the deciding factor to the direction in their life. There is brainwashing in both directions.....that ALL are born that way or that it's ALL choice....neither of which is correct......but how one chooses to live the lifestyle IS A CHOICE.
Interesting research this article talks about:
Being homosexual is only partly due to gay gene, research finds - Telegraph

I lived in a horrible marriage...but I didn't choose to go out & play around with adultary.....& after I left....I choose to be alone thank you....for the rest of my life......I do have friends in the community who are all part of my interest...but sexual promiscuity isn't any part of that community......so maybe you need to get out of where you were.....relocate to a new place & start your life over & be who you really want to be.

I am extremely sad and depressed about my life. I am not happy being celibate. I have found acceptance in neither the hetero or homosexual communities. I am totally alone. I fit in nowhere. I am not a fool. I know that merely moving will not gain me acceptance. I know that my same problems will continue where ever I go. My deep, deep sadness and anger about being gay always comes through. No one wants to be around me.

Somehow i dont think it's your being gay that is the problem. It your not being able to come to terms (radical acceptance) with your life. Don't think it's the celibacy that's your problem but having someone who cares about you is the missing hole in your life..sex has nothing to do with caring

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While being gay may not be the entire problem, it complicates things beyond my ability to deal with them. Older and single gay men are often looked upon as child abusers, predators and the like - even by family. I am often pre-judged even though no one has even asked about my personal life. (They don't dare lest I be involved in some kinky gay sex scenes, I suppose.) When you don't have a life to discuss, like me, there's very little to talk about with other people. No one brags, "I'm celibate or I'm asexual." Life is empty. There is no purpose. You merely exist and are open to all sorts of bullying / harassment / alienation as I have found out.

Since I am no longer able to play tennis, I have no social outlet. I have not been able to find a new hobby. I like wine but cannot drink much because I have epilepsy. I love food but have several intolerances that severely limit what I can eat. I am often sick after eating out. I tried religion but am really a non-believer. Even my ability to walk is limited. I tried bike riding but found it lonely. I am not strong enough to do distances and am uncomfortable in city traffic, and that limits my ability to join biking clubs.

I read a good deal of the book "Radical Acceptance." Sometimes what you need is not a different state of mind. I need the real thing, something concrete - a true normal life.

Know this is a crazy question but if you have so much trouble with being gay & you hate gay sex & you aren't attracted to the gay guys....then what in the world makes you think you are gay? or is it just a label you tried to stick on yourself because nothing else was working either????

I have seen kids in school do this sometimes girls to protect themselves from getting into a relationship that could land them pregnant if they don't have the ability to say NO!!!!!! and guys who don't want to be forced into having sex with girls like the rest of society is telling them they have to in order to be NORMAL.

There is just too much emphasis placed on sex these days instead of getting to know a person & letting the relationship grow from friendship into something more....or not if it's obvious there is no compatibility....without having to have sex involved. It's the entertainment industry that has been brainwashing everyone that life is nothing without sex no matter how you can get it......they surround us with that brainwashing continually.....& we are sucker enough to buy into it.

Life is about being human.....having things that interest us.....doing things that we like to do, sports, hobby's, activities......anything that interests.....& is seems if you put as much energy into researching things you are interested in as you do feeling horrible about yourself.....you might actually find something in life that you would enjoy doing.

Your issues with religion sound like they are just as much about their basis on homosexuality as I fought the pressure on what was thought about women.......I have sense come to understand & learn that there is a lot more to Christianity than what the religious people try to shove on people.....& it has become a huge part of my life.....& I enjoy studying & reading & learning. I also found painting quite by accident just 2 years ago. I have to admit that living alone on my farm & having to do all the repairs myself keeps me more than busy so I don't have the time to socialize that I would love to have.........& add horse riding to my list.....& volunteering at the horse park decorating the cross country course for the shows they have there....started doing that when they had the World Equestrian games here.

There are so many things to volunteer in & be involved in that have absolutely NOTHING to do with SEXUAL issues. One thing that I kept hoping I could get involved in but with pain issues won't be able to is the search & rescue.....it would have taken stamina I would have had to build up to.....but pain issues & medication issues at the moment make that impossible.....but there are so many other things to be involved in like habitat for humanity, rehab facilities can always use volunteers....or we have centers where they help out those who don't have funds for food who are always needing volunteer help in the staffing.

You need to get out of yourself & like this older lady friend says.....she needs to stop having her pity party & inviting everyone to join her.

Stop volunteering with the gay people & start volunteering in a totally neutral based environment. Get out of where you are stuck & see what life really does have to offer.......or is that what might frighten you because it is the unknown?

All of your "I can't's" you sound so much like my ex-H.......I have been trying to figure out how such a nice guy could have so many issues that made our marriage a nightmare....& I have made a huge list of things that seriously point to asperger's.......& social interaction issues are a huge part of that....just a thought that might be worth investigating.

I do admire that you have stood your ground & not continue to be forced into behavior that goes outside your values.......you may not see that as something admirable.....but standing up against any pressure in this day & age is a wonderful trait & one you should be VERY PROUD OF!!!!!

Why are so many folks scared of being alone and crave "love". I am alone day after day and have been for many years now. I find solace in working on me. I do what I need to meet certain needs and sometimes I cry myself to sleep from loneliness. I guess to me life is not bliss. I have been on a path of suffering by societies hands. But luckily (if you call it that) there is this enormous world of stuff that is even more negative. The starving and bused children of the world, horrific living conditions for the impoverished and birth deffects that would make many want to kill themselves. Yet in many of these scenarios are people are often making a go of it, finding love just in the people around them and in some cases they see no issue with their circumstances. I used to always say "How can God be about love with so much suffering in the world?" Well best guess I can figure is that it is this way to draw comparisons and to make choices for our lives. After all, helping others is a calling proclaimed by many.

Now if your looking for a magic spell or pill to help you, none exist. If it did I would be all over it and so far what I just wrote is as good as I have discovered. I also search for enlightenment all over the place. Check out the NDE videos on youtube. Many will inspire you perhaps and yes there are some BS videos made by evangelical church folks but you can tell the differences.

I'm sorry I ever posted this. It is obvious that people don't get it. Thanks anyway for trying.

In a small way, Unguy, I do get it. I'm getting old now. All of my life, I have known that I was what we now refer to as: "transsexual". Of course, when I was young, the term "transsexual" had not yet even been invented. I just knew that, inside, I was a girl. Somehow, I don't know how, I learned very early that this was something I must never talk about. And so I kept it a closely guarded secret basically for 60 years, while it ever so slowly ate me alive me from the inside out.

About 3 or 4 years ago, I stumbled onto the "transsexual community" on YouTube. I was astounded. Here was a whole group of people who had the same condition I had struggled with all of my life. I wanted desperately to become a part of that "community". I subscribed to every trans channel I could find & began watching all of their videos & leaving comments, etc. Gradually I started to become familiar with some of these YouTubers to the point where we would exchange private messages & e-mails back & forth.

But the problem was that as a 60 year old married man, I felt (& still feel) that it is too late for me to make any kind of transition. Whenever I would begin to gain the attention of one of those transitioning YouTubers, they would attempt to convince me that it's never too late to transition. And when it would become apparent that I was just not going to budge, they would drop me & move on.

At this point, it appears to me that what was then the transsexual community, on YouTube, has largely gone by the wayside. But I don't subscribe to trans YouTube channels anymore. So I don't know, really, if the community has gone by the wayside, or if I just don't see it because I don't sub those channels.

Because of my life-long transsexuality, I have always been uncomfortable around men... especially groups of men. But I clearly don't fit in with women either. I've felt pretty much like an outcast all of my life. Even my marriage was, in a sense, a lie, because I kept the secret from my wife as well as from everyone else. And when, finally, I stumbled onto a group of people like myself, & desperately wanted to belong, they spurned me. It still stings...

I know this isn't the same as what you've experienced. Although I will say that it has driven me through 2 major suicide attempts plus a whole string of self-harming behaviors. So it has had an impact. I don't have any answers to offer you, either. I have no answers for myself. I just wanted to share this story with you & tell you that I think I do have some sense of your despair. I live with it every day as well.