Boyfriend likes transsexual men

Goog morning.

My name is Paula, I'm a 36 yo woman and my boyfriend is 42. Neither of us has ever been married.

I really believe my boyfriend is attracted to transsexual men.

A few months ago, I saw many websites like "talk to shemales 24/7", "trangenders group in this city", etc marked as favorites in his browser. I saw that when he was showing me something, and when I asked him about it he told me his dad has sent him some links and he got curious about the topic.

Well, two days ago, googling his nickname I found pictures of his penis everywhere! He had profiles trying to find someone he could be a "suggar dad" of, on an adult webchat, being a "fan" of a transexual and looking for relationships with a tg/ts/tv.

I confronted him, and once again he denied it. He said he was either catfished by an ex, or maybe someone used his picture and nickname from "suggar dad" (he admitted this one) to creat an account in those websites.

He got very upset, then sad about all this. He said he hasn' done anything wrong and that's why he never thought of "cleaning" anything online. He swears to God he has no attraction to penises at all, even if they belong to pretty tgirls.

It's hard to belive his story, although he is not a liar at all. But yet, I feel pretty bad I don't, cause I know it hurts him so bad.

We've been together for a year, and I can tell he loves me. He does whatever he can to make me happy. Our sex is great, he is always super aroused and excited about it. And he looks really happy and satisfied after sex.

We have a great relationship, but he knows I'm kind of "traditional" and I wouldn't handle living wiht him knowing that he would like to have sex with another man.

I'm very confused, and all this has been killing me for the last two days. If you can explain what's happening, or say anything else that could help me, please do it.

Thank you all.

So he claims that his dad sends him links to transsexuals and, WITHIN MONTHS, photos and profiles show up of him looking for a relationship with one.....

Coincidence? No.

What you do from here on in is up to you.
Hugs and good luck...

Hello Paula: Well... okay... I'll take a stab at this. First, just a bit about me so you know where I'm coming from. I'm in my middle 60's. I've been secretly transgendered all of my life. But I never undertook any kind of transsexual transition. I've lived pretty much a normal male life (considering all of my mental health problems.)

What I can tell you is that, for me, being secretly trans for almost my entire life, has warped my mental processes. Growing up when & where I did, admitting to such a thing would have been seen as dirty, perverted, & a sin against god. I learned very early in life that this was something I must never talk about & so I kept it a closely guarded secret. I suspect that your boyfriend has had a similar experience. He may or may not be trans himself. Perhaps he just does simply have an attraction for transsexuals. But, I can tell you from personal experience that carrying around that kind of secret deforms you. One might imagine it to be something like: "emotional leprosy".

You mention that you & your boyfriend have a great relationship. I would suggest that this is not at all surprising. I've been married for over 30 years. The fact that your boyfriend has this formerly hidden attraction probably makes him more sensitive than the average man would be. I believe it has in my case. Because he is so vulnerable himself, he understands & can sympathize with others to a greater degree than would a man who did not carry this kind of affliction.

It's interesting that you mention you are traditional. My wife is also traditional. She only learned my secret a very few years ago. She has done what she can to understand. But I also try to tow a pretty strict line in order not to do anything that would be embarrassing to her. Still it tears me up inside. At the risk of sounding boastful, I will suggest that not many men could endure what I endure. And, the older I get the tougher it becomes.

The currently accepted assumption, among transsexual individuals & professionals who work with them, is that if one is truly transsexual they are trans for life. It doesn't go away. This has certainly been true in my case. (Being gay also does not go away, I don't believe.) I would suspect, whatever lies beneath what's going on with your boyfriend, will not go away either. So it is likely, if the two of you stay together, this is something you'll be dealing with permanently.

My suggestion, assuming you want to try to make this work, is both you & your boyfriend should enter individual therapy. It's vital that your boyfriend figure out what this means for him. And it's also important that you explore your feelings as this process develops. Then, when you're ready, the two of you may want to participate in couples counseling. I wish I had better news for you. But, from my perspective, this is a can of worms. Approach with caution! My very bests wishes to you both...

P.S. The GOOD NEWS here is that what has happened has forced the door open to what is probably a terrible burden for your boyfriend. If I were talking with him I would urge him, in the strongest possible language, not to allow the door to close again.

Skeezyks, perhaps your purpose in life is to be a mentor....Don't know if that was part of your plan when you were younger , but you are indeed needed here.
(huggy emoticon that I STILL have no idea how to do)

Namaste, Sophiesmom

Would you be just as bothered if he were looking for a relationship with another woman? Sex is sex, love is love, infidelity is infidelity. The gender of the people involved is completely, 100% irrelevant.

This is what happens when you have porn readily available. I'm sure he's seen quite a bit. Most people involved in that style of porn look *very* woman like, only they're not.

Don't worry though, he'll never find that in real life. It will be something out of a horror movie.

Now if he makes plans for Rio De Janeiro, then you have something to worry about!

I had a friend who struggled with this after randomly running into it one day. His gf sounded quite like yourself.

Good luck