[purplemystery]

I have a friend of the same gender (female) from college, and it's a different kind of friendship. I feel extra nervous around her, I always want to impress her, I view her as a role model/mother figure, and in a sense I basically feel like I'm in love with her. She is such a great listener, and I always enjoy my time with her-- she makes me feel so good about myself. I know that we both open up more to each other than we do the average friend. She has said that we could talk philosophically and emotionally together for days, that she's honored to be my friend, and that she has never felt connected to someone so deeply.

It took me a long time to admit this to myself, but I like her so much that I've had sexual fantasies about her even though I consider myself straight and not even bi (though I do find women attractive). I've slept over her place before and we end up having late-night chats where we take turns asking each other personal questions. Of course, that obviously happens with sleepovers sometimes, but I get the sense that we're both kind of shy about it, yet both really want to open up to each other. Anyway, we've recently graduated and she's going to visit me at my house soon for a couple days since she lives semi far away. I told her that I really want to tell her all that she has meant to me in college. I will definitely tell her in general all that she has taught me, but I'm wondering if it's crazy to tell her that I have strong feelings for her that are different from normal friend feelings. Maybe I wouldn't necessarily say that they are romantic/sexual, but maybe I could say there is an element of motherly transference. It's my ultimate fantasy for her to know and to have some kind of sexual experience with her. I'm wondering if she would be open to it. She probably wouldn't be, but I keep thinking what if.

Do you think it's a bad idea to tell her any of this? How can you feel out whether a person would be receptive to romantic activity without freaking them out?

[Travelinglady]

What does she think about gays? Has she ever expressed anything other than heterosexual feelings?

I think I would hold off. Maybe you could sort of talk about the gay lifestyle and she what she says. Feel her out a bit.

My thoughts off the top of my head, anyway.

[CANDC]

My gut sense is do not tell her about your feelings. You risk losing a friend.
Sometimes putting a toe in to test the water is a good idea.
Have you ever given someone a foot massage? Or a back massage. Some massage oil or something not too fragrant.
This can be something that you share and still not cross the line into sexually explicit actions.
If you were to talk with her you could talk about the idea of sharing a foot massage and see if she jumps at the idea or turns cold as ice. A foot massage is a toe in the water.
I think I wouldn't risk the close sharing relationship by confronting sexuality head on. That is a kind of relationship with closeness and caring and compassion that many would envy. How lucky you are to share that.

[growlycat]

I think you should talk to her about it but not while she is staying with you. If the conversation gets awkward, she is in your home for days afterwards!

Maybe before or after her trip?

[purplemystery]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate all of your good ideas and advice! Yeah, I'm not sure if I should risk it completely, especially since we have such a great friendship. But maybe I'll vaguely hint at it in a non-obvious way to begin with and see how she responds.

[purplemystery]

Originally Posted by growlycat

I think you should talk to her about it but not while she is staying with you. If the conversation gets awkward, she is in your home for days afterwards!

Maybe before or after her trip?

Very good point! Thanks growlycat, hope you're doing well!