Heart's Filthy Lesson...

filthylessons · Jun 05, 2014 at 01:00 PM

Falls upon deaf ears. (Thanks for that, David Bowie.)

I need to get this out- so I'll start the easiest way I can think of.

I've been labelled: easy, slut, *****. My own fiance has told me that I am easy and I make myself a target for opportunistic men. We are very adventurous sexually and try lots of things, and he has admitted to me on more than one occasion that he likes to think of me that way because it turns him on. Yet, he bashes me for it when his penis is no longer calling the shots.

I enjoy casual sex when single. I enjoy having friends-with-benefits relationships, I like variety... if that makes me 'easy', so be it I suppose...

bluekoi · Jun 05, 2014 at 10:38 PM

filthylessons, There is nothing wrong with adults enjoying sex with each other! As long as know one gets hurt in the process, enjoy! If this person has a problem with your enjoyment, why is he your fiancé?

filthylessons · Jun 08, 2014 at 08:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bluekoi

filthylessons, There is nothing wrong with adults enjoying sex with each other! As long as know one gets hurt in the process, enjoy! If this person has a problem with your enjoyment, why is he your fiancé?

I don't get it, really. I can't figure out why it is that my brain is so preoccupied with sexual things.

Usually those things have nothing to do with my fiance. It's been close to eight years now; we have a son together, and we've had many, many problems throughout our time together. I'm starting to wonder if he didn't destroy what sexual attraction I had toward him by doing the things he did in the past.

That makes me feel badly also, because I feel like I should be able to forgive and forget.

bluekoi · Jun 09, 2014 at 10:23 AM

filthylessons, Would you and your boyfriend consider trying relationship councelling?

Have a browse through Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central.

If you truly feel your sexual thoughts are brothering you, perhaps a therapist may be helpful.

CantExplain · Jun 12, 2014 at 12:49 AM

How important to you is casual sex?
How important is monogamy?

Either way is fine by me, but your boyfriend might want you to choose.

buzz bee · Jun 14, 2014 at 02:05 PM

If a guy has a lot of sex he's a stud.
People think twice about women.

Onward2wards · Jun 15, 2014 at 01:13 AM

Societies are nothing more than an amalgam of individuals, individuals have widely varying attitudes about sex, and every society on planet Earth is (in my opinion) sometimes very immature when it comes to sexuality, in their own unique ways. That's my theory and I'm sticking to it.

buzz bee - yeah no kidding, male feminist over here, partly because I agree with your assertion.

DSM-3.1415926 · Jun 17, 2014 at 07:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by filthylessons

That makes me feel badly also, because I feel like I should be able to forgive and forget.

He has to do his part. Have you voiced your concerns to him, and is he genuinely sorry for whatever damage he caused? If so, is he willing to drop the matter or will he keep bringing it up whenever he feels like hurting your feelings? (Marriage therapists call this "gunnysacking." Don't let him do it to you.)

Never forget that forgiveness is a two-way street.

's a-plenty to you.

GypsyButterfly · Jun 24, 2014 at 07:11 PM

Hi, I feel, as long as everyone is an adult, it's consensual & you're being safe & you trust the person (the last two not always guaranteed, if, it's a random & anonymous thing), then, it's nobody's business. You're open minded, adventurous, uninhibited, enthusiastic, passionate. That's just a good way to be in general. It sounds like you & your partner aren't on the same page. Which is why, it's important to have open & honest communication. Feelings & desires do change over time.

RogueWolf · Aug 28, 2014 at 08:19 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by filthylessons

Falls upon deaf ears. (Thanks for that, David Bowie.)

I need to get this out- so I'll start the easiest way I can think of.

I've been labelled: easy, slut, *****. My own fiance has told me that I am easy and I make myself a target for opportunistic men. We are very adventurous sexually and try lots of things, and he has admitted to me on more than one occasion that he likes to think of me that way because it turns him on. Yet, he bashes me for it when his penis is no longer calling the shots.

I enjoy casual sex when single. I enjoy having friends-with-benefits relationships, I like variety... if that makes me 'easy', so be it I suppose...

You asked so here goes don't be mad. Honestly I think your problem sounds more like your self esteem, why the hell are you wasting your time with a jerk who calls you a slut basically? You say he enjoys thinking of you that way- it turns him on- essentially being abusive to soemone he is ment to care about turns him on- bad news- big red flag, dump the jerk. I am hoping by bashing you you only mean verbally but honestly if he gets off on cruelty I'd get away before it becomes physical cos it sounds like he would enjoy that. In short the guy is telling you he has no respect for you and he likes being mean to you/thinking you are less than him. Hope you can take that as something to help you and not be hurt by it.

BDPpartner · Aug 28, 2014 at 06:04 PM

I am bdppartner and I am a "slut"

I've had multiple partners and haven't known the names of some but everyone was consenting and to my knowledge nobody got hurt

I have been disapproved of etc but one day I decided that I was no longer willing to let people make me feel bad and cheap.... Hell Everyone has done something that can be disapproved of and I am a better person because I don't get my kicks by trying to destroyed other people's self-esteem

There will come a point where you have to decide whether to let your fiancé continue 'beating' you up over it, just bear in mind if your son is seeing his father's attitude towards you it could make your parenting roll harder especially when he hits his teens

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bluekoi Administrator Community Support Team Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Vancouver, BC Canada Posts: 13,664 (SuperPoster!) 10 11.4k hugs given	Jun 05, 2014 at 10:38 PM #2 filthylessons, There is nothing wrong with adults enjoying sex with each other! As long as know one gets hurt in the process, enjoy! If this person has a problem with your enjoyment, why is he your fiancé?
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bluekoi Administrator Community Support Team Member Since Feb 2014 Location: Vancouver, BC Canada Posts: 13,664 (SuperPoster!) 10 11.4k hugs given	Jun 09, 2014 at 10:23 AM #4 filthylessons, Would you and your boyfriend consider trying relationship councelling? Have a browse through Relationships & Communication - Forums at Psych Central. If you truly feel your sexual thoughts are brothering you, perhaps a therapist may be helpful.
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CantExplain Big Poppa Member Since Oct 2011 Location: New Zealand Posts: 19,616 (SuperPoster!) 12 19.7k hugs given	Jun 12, 2014 at 12:49 AM #5 How important to you is casual sex? How important is monogamy? Either way is fine by me, but your boyfriend might want you to choose. __________________ Mr Ambassador, alias Ancient Plax, alias Captain Therapy, alias Big Poppa, alias Secret Spy, etc. Add that to your tattoo, Baby!
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buzz bee Veteran Member Member Since Jun 2014 Location: Between here and there Posts: 573 10 33 hugs given	Jun 14, 2014 at 02:05 PM #6 If a guy has a lot of sex he's a stud. People think twice about women.
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