ABDL Advice

Hi all, this is my first post.

I have been with my SO for several years, and he told me long ago that he is a Diaper Lover. I've done my best to be supportive of his fetish over the years by wearing diapers for him and with him, having sex in diapers, and sometimes wetting while he watches. The problem is, I really don't enjoy it. I have depression and anxiety, and I find that the feeling of being on "display" and having him want to watch or look at me wearing the diapers, especially if he wants me to wet, freaks me out and makes me feel completely uninterested and sometimes combative about having sex. Our sex life has suffered as of late when I experienced a return of my depression, and we're working through it, but I have a fear that this fetish is never going to feel normal or desirable to me. Does anyone have experience with this? I've tried easing into it, taking it one step at a time, but I feel like he always wants more and I find myself afraid to initiate sex for fear he'll ask me to wear a diaper. I love him and don't want this to hurt our relationship more than it is, but I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated.

Welcome to the forum.

I think you are a very understanding wife to do those things for him when you don't like doing them. Have you mentioned to him how uncomfortable they are for you? I'm on the page that you should never have to do anything sexually that makes you miserable.

I have, and we've spoken about it together to his therapist, but both he and his therapist believe that I should compromise and that I'll learn to enjoy it, or that I should enjoy it because it turns him on. He tries to be understanding but I know it disappoints him when I don't want to engage in diaper play, and I know that it's not something I can just not participate in through out our relationship. He has been encouraging me to explore ABDL forums and websites and look at pictures of others, but none of that is appealing to me. I wish I was more outgoing sexually but I'm pretty vanilla.

You need to be right up front with him. It is NOT OK for him to force or coerce you or anyone into engaging in his fetish, and it's OK for you to be firm about this. I would love to have my wife join me in my fetishes, but she's not interested and there's no way I'm going to force the issue and possibly lose the best partner I could ever have. Your feelings are your best guide. If you don't want to do something, then you don't have to, and your s/o will just have to accept it.

I don't think that you will ever "accept" being a diaper fetishist, for this simple reason: You don't have a diaper fetish! True fetishes are not something that you can choose to engage in. My fetishes kicked in, without warning, when I was about 13. I simply felt, quite suddenly, a dire need to wear panties, and soil them. Time and again, I've have promised to myself never to "do that" again, yet for more than 50 years I have been doing exactly "that". You, it seems, simply have no desire to wear or soil diapers. If you never did it again, your life would improve. Ergo, you do not have a diaper fetish, and no one has the right to coerce you to pretend that you do.

Other

I totally agree with Other. You can't force a fetish. Do you have a therapist of your own? It sounds like his therapist is thinking about him. You need someone who is only concerned with you.