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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2007
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 1,256
17 600 hugs
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#1
I'm a lesbian, been friends with my wife since 3rd grade. We've been together almost 5 years. I'm having a really hard time giving her what she needs to climax. Which makes me feel bad. The angles and pressures she needs make my wrist hurt to the point I don't want to move it (I have carpal tunnel). On top of this she wants me to talk. I'm not comfortable talking. I try, but how many different things can you say? I've tried reading erotica, not a big visual porn fan, for ideas, but it doesn't seem to help. Then she has a very high libido, and she needs multiple orgasms each time. My libido is basically non-existent thanks to mental issues and meds. What can I possibly do? I feel horrible because I can't give her what she needs.
Sex is something I've always been uncomfortable with because of my past. I want to give her what she needs but I can't seem to. She winds up sexually frustrated almost everyday of the year. __________________ PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2013
Location: NYC
Posts: 2,368
11 391 hugs
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#2
Have you talked to your wife about this? It seems like you are making compromises in order to make her happy, perhaps she can make compromises for you as well? I'm not sure what those compromises would be, perhaps not asking so much of you or doing it herself sometimes so you don't feel this way.
Good luck __________________ Allie Diagnosed: Generalized Anxiety Disorder & Obsessive Compulsive Disoder. Previous: Borderline Personality Disorder. I no longer qualify for a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, but there will always be my borderline traits that I struggle with especially during times of great stress. I've been working passionately as a therapist since December 2016
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SnakeCharmer, tigersassy
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Grand Member
Member Since May 2014
Location: United States
Posts: 906
10 826 hugs
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#3
This post probably needs a trigger icon for sexual content. Go no further if such talk is triggering for you.
Tigersassy, I see that you're taking at least three drugs that can inhibit both sexual desire and response. Add carpel tunnel on top of it all and it creates a difficult situation. Atomicc is right, talking to your spouse is the first order of business, telling her what you're experiencing and how you feel and asking for her assistance so that you can both have a good time. If you're physically unable to do certain things because it causes you pain maybe the two of you can find some inventive solutions, for example, perhaps you could hold her and fondle her while she self-pleasures in the way she knows will bring her to climax. The two of you could figure out what sort of things she would like to hear that you would feel comfortable with. It's possible to combine self-pleasuring with a sex toy along with oral pleasuring in a way that would not cause you discomfort and would give her what she needs and wants to climax. Somewhere in the discussion and in the sex play and experimentation, I hope you will put some focus on your own needs and wants. Probably the most important thing of all is that you both enjoy what's going on, even if you're not feeling highly charged yourself. If providing sex becomes a chore for you, the feelings of frustration will get worse over time. So start by talking. Go slowly if necessary. And laugh whenever you can. Last edited by SnakeCharmer; Aug 25, 2014 at 02:37 PM.. Reason: Trigger warning |
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tigersassy
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Poohbah
Member Since Jul 2007
Location: Indiana, USA
Posts: 1,256
17 600 hugs
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#4
Thanks I've always been a bit of a prude. She's working me out of that at my own pace. I've started talking to her about things and its actually turned out rather well. I've found this otherwise to me, which I think might be part manic.
__________________ PTSD possible bipolar Meds: propranalol 20mg 2x's(blood pressure), lamictal 300mg, seroquel 100mg, effexor 75mg, sprycel 100mg (CML, chronic myeloid leukemia), iron supplement, multivitamin |
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SnakeCharmer
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Member
Member Since Aug 2014
Location: Ohio
Posts: 100
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#5
I hope I'm not reading too much into things, but in addition to everything stated above, it sounds like you were mentioning some difficulties with sex because of past issues? I would also like to recommend that these past issues can be resolved with a therapist, and can become a great source of intimacy for you and your partner as you work together to overcome those mental blocks to enjoying sex, if there are any.
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SnakeCharmer, tigersassy
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