"Nymphomania" ...it sucks.

Hi guys, it's been a while since I've posted. My usual issues involves PTSD from sexual abuse and depression/anxiety, but this past year has gone downhill fast. I'm still on my Klonopin, (but I've FINALLY weaned off of my Vistaril and Remeron), but now I pretty much abuse myself every single night (multiple times) just so I can sleep. If not, I get sick and irritable. (And by abuse, I take my hitachi magic wand and bludgeon my sex with it. It won't be long before I crush a nerve and lose all feeling in it).

My husband is my best friend and I adore him, but he can't keep up...at all. He suggested I find a "f***buddy," which is a nice and thoughtful gesture (he's extremely non-sexual and I thought this would have been an issue, but that was his idea). I have not and probably will not act on it, but my god, it's tempting. I've broken 9 high-end vibrators, burned out the motor on my last "master blaster" magic wand, and I think about sex 24/7. It's sick. I'm sick, and I hate myself more than I did yesterday for it, which was more than it was the day before that. I feel like a disgusting slut pig and the scum of the earth, but I can't stop.

A lot of people think it would be so great to live with a "wife like me." It's not. It's a nightmare. A nightmare for me, and a nightmare for him. And it's not fair to him. I can't shut my stupid libido off, and I wake myself up dryhumping my pillow. Oh, and now I squirt. I think it's gross, but he thinks it's kind of neat.
Just kill me now. *facepalm*

The thing that kills me is that during my orgasm, all is right with the world for that 3 to 10-second moment of bliss. And after that, I have another 10 seconds to a minute before I decide to either embrace the "happy" that accompanies the act (along with the endorphins and adrenaline rush), OR, I go into a self-hating shame-spiral. Anymore, it's 50/50. I can't keep doing this. I've tried to stop, and every time I do, I get sick. Does anyone else out there have this problem? I've looked all over for some kind of "sex addicts anonymous" here in northeast Ohio and came up with nothing designed specifically for women.

I'm sorry if I offended anyone with this post, but I'm getting desperate.