ok I';ll bite the bullet

just wondering if anyone has had this happen. you meet someone and things are all hot and heavy for a long period of time. they do everything they can to please you sexually then all at once someone turns off that lightswitch. any ideas on how to get that back?

nope, but if you figure it out, I'm first in line to want to know the answer

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LMo said:
nope, but if you figure it out, I'm first in line to want to know the answer

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Yep, a couple of ideas...

Wanna get frank?

KD

how long is the 'long time' that everything is fine for?

maybe there is more stress in the persons life?

have you talked to them about it?

sometimes it can be all kind of spontaneously great initially but after a time effort (like a special night together) helps get the magic back.

OK, since no one answered, I'll do a toned down version.

I wrote and entire post of example but will keep it shorter.

I find that a fun little "shock" element whether at home, or in public, does wonders!

KD

GREAT THREAD and GREAT QUESTION

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alexandra_k said:
how long is the 'long time' that everything is fine for?
maybe there is more stress in the persons life?
have you talked to them about it?
sometimes it can be all kind of spontaneously great initially but after a time effort (like a special night together) helps get the magic back.

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Great Posting!! I agree with you 100% It sure is funny though that it is all hot and heavy and then it simmers down. Ya know what that happened to me. We have been together for almost a year now. I noticed that when you do things out of the blue, I guess if your spontanious it spikes up the relationship. Just stuff that you know your parter may enjoy: Physically and Emotionally.
Ya know just out of the blue I rented a movie that I knew he'd enjoy and we watched it relaxed and after we talked and became close.

Feed the FLAME (So to speak )

I't should also be vica versa. Ya know 50~50. So you don't do all the work, but you can initiate it. (If ya know what I mean)

Love and Relationships are so strange sometimes, but that's one way how the world goes around

It's all a learning expierence.

Did this help?

BTW~Well you could walk around naked that may help

Wow........SUCH a good topic.......I have yet to find a relationship that keeps me "satisfied" that way. I just get bored. In my last relationship we got a naughty game, and that was fun, but once we played it, we never played again. I just couldn't get in the mood most of the time, and ended up forcing it. I think what the clincher was in that relationship as that I just wan't "in" the relationship. And its a bummer, he's a great guy, but I just don't "feel" it.

Which is frustrating...because there's this OTHER guy who totally gets me going, just by looking at him, but I'm not emotionally attracted to him....no fair!!!!!!

I'd have to agree with the whole sponteneity thing though. It was at least of some help in my last relationship.

~Rayna

a year is a long time (in my book). i'm more like raynaadi, i think. for me the time is something like... 3 months. hrm.

one thing it can be about... is what is known as the 'honeymoon period'. where things can be sex sex sex and then more sex... and that can be great for a time (for people who like sex) but eventually... that doesn't happen so much anymore... because it simply can't be sustained in the face of all the boring mundane things like work and kids and football and friends etc etc etc.

another thing that it can be about is intimacy. i have problems with intimacy. i can really like someone as a friend (and not feel particularly sexually attracted to them) or i can feel really very sexually attracted to them (and not like them very much as a friend or simply not know them very well at all) but... never the twain shall meet...

i hope that gets better with therapy.

therapy might be able to help with that raynaadi. sounds like issues to do with intimacy to me. when people feel too close... then something inside you goes 'click' and you don't feel anything (as a self protective strategy). at least... that is my take on what is going on (but i might be projecting my %#@&#! onto you).

but sometimes things just seem to run down with time...

um... is it that you still do it but it has become mechanical? or is it that you aren't doing it as much as you would like? with respect to the first there are things you can do (like your taking control of the pacing etc) so you can make him work a little instead of just going through the fairly mechanical routine. if you aren't feeling so fired up anymore either... then massage or romantic dinners etc can help. delay tactics basically... so you both want it but you both have to wait. and then to make sure that it isn't mechanical. maybe... what do i know about intimacy lol.

Yeah, alexandra, you're right about it being a therapy issue. I've often thought I needed therapy for my intimacy issues. But then I wonder if I just haven't found "the one". The honeymoon stage happens in all my relationships, for about a month. Then the guy gets frustrated and leaves. Hmmmmm.

That's usually been the case with me, too. However, with my husband, I'd say I held on for at least a year, maybe more (it's been 7 years now). I am not sure whether it's intimacy in my case - but I usually do gain some weight as I get more 'comfortable' in the relationship, consequently making me more 'uncomfortable' sexually.

Vacations or at least getting out of town once in a while helps immensely.

I should add.... staying in shape helps too. That's the cheapest and healthiest solution, of course

kimmy that is what this is for right? being frank? go for it hon!

"BTW~Well you could walk around naked that may help"

well I do walk around naked all the time lol maybe that is the problem lol

Hmm -

Well, as with any long term relationship the sex is always going to be very hot and heavy in the beginning and then it will tend to slow down over the years, and it will always continue to have its many ups and downs along the path of LOVE & LIFE.

What I have found over 25 years with my husband (20 yrs married) is that we both need to have a little tune up from time to time.... and some times it will involve sexual intercourse and at other times it may just be a good relaxing back rub, a warm foot massage or spending a quite night together in each others arms while watching the sun set at the beach.
.... take a blanket along to sit on and IF he initiates wanting sex, then take the blanket to a secluded place and let nature takes it course - laying under a hobie is a smart way to add some much needed excitement without having fear of being seen.

I think the best thing my husband and I have done for each other is to always be open with trying new things in and out of the bedroom (at least once) - but if you find that one of you are not comfortable with a certain thing/act after having tried it once, then it off limits from that point on.

VARIETY is the KEY............... for HIM and for HER.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I tell ya. he use to could not keep his hands off me. now it seems I have to get irritated and say something before he makes a move at all. then it isn't alot to it. very predictable to say the least. I know we are older now but geesh we aren't dead yet! our sex life was great for about 4 or 5 yrs then the rest has been a struggle. *sigh*

FYI for ME -

How long have you been together?

Is he stressed or physically worn from work?

What do you see as your biggest relationship issue?

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bebop said:well I do walk around naked all the time lol maybe that is the problem lol

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BTW~Well you could walk around naked that may help

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LMO~I am glad that you laughed at this because I wasn't to sure if it was ok to put in my previous post or not

we have been together 10 yrs in april. biggest issue? ummm not really alot of issues here. we get along great! only one argument in those 10 yrs and it was very minor.