what do YOU MEN say?

On the Tyra Banks show today, they interviewed men about promiscuous girls. And the majority of the men interviewed said they like a girl who waits. It reinforces to the GUY that the GIRL isn't just using him.....so it sounds like they have the same fear we do. The guys said they like a girl who respects herself, and it also keeps the thrill of the chase alive. So there were some interesting comments from these guys. They also said they wouldn't want to date a promiscuous girl and be at the mall with her and run into her past partners. I know promiscuity is different then sleeping on the first date, but the general opinion of the guys on the show say they like a girl who waits.

might be helpful at this point to consider that answers from males are just as likely to be as diverse as the answers from females...

True, however to keep on topic of the original poster, we should really stay along the lines of what the men say.

I already knew what men say...I've read and heard from men on this topic since I was a kid. Nevertheless, that doesn't make it right, and women shouldn't let "what men do" decide their self-worth based on their own behaviors. It's wrong for men and women to think a woman is less, or a slut, because she engages in sexual activity "too early" (which is defined by each individual), especially when they're not judging men the same way. If you sleep with a man on the first date--and I'm not saying that's a good idea--and the man rejects you, you shouldn't judge yourself harshly because of what he does. Some people are cruel and judge people wrongly.

before i posted about how my so called old friends would answer ,
now its my view.
i think women that jump into bed on the first date (or even second) are hunting for love , and feel the only way they can get that love is to give up thierselves on the first or second date. the fear of rejection may also be a factor , also they may think they look ugly and they have to try to grab a man / woman and hold on tight.

women that dont give themselves to a man / woman on the first or second dates.... i think that these women are happy with themselves and the way they look. a woman that doesnt sleep with someone on an early date, is worth pursuing . the only problem i can see with this is..... when a man / woman has waited and dated a woman like this, the moment they have sleep with them,
the woman may still be on thier own !!!!!!!!

Some women are hunting for love, some aren't. I know women who have had sex on the first date or one-night stands with no regrets. Some have ended up in long-term relationships or even marriage with the guys they slept with early.

Having sex sooner or later in a relationship doesn't define one's self-esteem. Some women with very high self-esteem and sexual confidence don't feel the need to worry what others will think and enjoy sex on their own terms.

That said, most women who sleep with a guy right away are often seeking love or more commitment. At least, that's my experience in what I've seen and read. Those women should seek help in dealing with whatever it is that makes them feel the need to attach themselves to a man (or woman) so soon.

Why aren't men judged like this? If he sleeps with a woman who, according to many, has issues and needs a relationship, then isn't he lousy for taking advantage of such a person? And why isn't he a "slut" or suffering from low self-esteem? Why is his value not affected in society?

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Maven said:
Having sex sooner or later in a relationship doesn't define one's self-esteem.

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I agree with that statement, no matter if it is a male or a female........ yet I think what we have found (based on the original topic) is that many guys find this behavior of sleeping with them on the first date as a defining moment in the area of having RESPECT (or not) for a female.

Now having said that - I too will say that it is not right for a male to try so hard to get his date into bed and then judge her so harshly on it.... test or no test - it is WRONG!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -


P.S.

That would be like me sending a drop dead gorgeous female to flirt with my husband / BF to find out if I can really trust him or not.......... and the test would be for her to get naked in front of him and try to seduce him into bed - if he goes (he has lost my respect and the relationship is over) if he does not go then I know I can trust him, and life goes on as normal............. or does it?

i just wanted to know what people think.
i AGREE however, that women mustn`t wait a month to be RESPECTED ! no! and i am NOT judgin any1.

i was raized that way that a girl should be hard to get and that-it`s a challenge for the man.
if a man has no hallenge in the golr then he loses interest.
i wanted to know from the men`s side to see if this statment is a TRUE one...

it`s os not going to cahnge my behavior. it`s just to know.
i do what feels comfortable for me.
i agree that i don`t need any men to tell me if i am respected-i actualy respect myself.
i was raized in a tradiitonaly religious house and i am traditional myself-with even ortodoxal POV.

but what i know also-a woman who dresses like a slut and goes out and wants men to stare at her-THINKS
"what the man will think of me? how i make him like me?"
she is not being her real self. a real women is modest. a woman who has enough self respect. esteem adn confidence. that`s what i persoanlly believe.
but i try hard NOT to judge girls who chose to be "cheap"
it si their decission and their right.

Wow Rhapsody.....I think if I was in a relationship with someone who I felt I had to "tempt" to test his faithfulness, I'd have to leave or have a serious talk with him. For me, if I had to do something that drastic to get the truth, I couldn't stay. Try flipping the situation....how would you feel if he put a hot naked guy in front of you to test you?

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Raynaadi said:
Wow Rhapsody.....I think if I was in a relationship with someone who I felt I had to "tempt" to test his faithfulness, I'd have to leave or have a serious talk with him. For me, if I had to do something that drastic to get the truth, I couldn't stay. Try flipping the situation....how would you feel if he put a hot naked guy in front of you to test you?

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LOL - I did not say that I would do that...................... I was just giving an equal situation similar to what guys are doing to females when they try to get them into bed on the first date (the test) and then judge them for it.

BTW - the only man I ever had sex intercourse with - I MARRIED!!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

OOOOH!!!!! LOL, I get it. Phew......haha!

BTW - the only man I ever had sex intercourse with - I MARRIED!!!

Holy cow Rhap! Good for you!

LadyM, you're entitled to your opinions, but I want to say I respectfully disagree that a woman who dresses sexy has no respect for herself. I think we're conditioned to judge this way, but I think a woman can genuinely like her body and like sex and feel comfortable showing it off. That said, I do think most women who dress too sexy (and "too sexy" is defined differently by different people) do have low self-esteem and are seeking attention. I don't think people who are "seeking attention" should be ignored, as you often hear about children ("She's just looking for attention!"), because even if she's going about it the wrong way, maybe there's a good reason she has this need. But that's an aside. The reason I think most women who dress very provocatively and jump into bed quickly have low self-esteem, is simply because of people I've known, things I've read, and things I've seen. Again, I don't think it's true of all women, but I think it's true of most. I don't see a woman dressed sexy and automatically think, "That girl has no self esteem." Most girls and women (even those who dress modestly) don't like how they look. A study quoted by Dove (I don't recall if they did it, or someone else did it) said that only 2% of women call themselves pretty. Look at the ads, the media, the movies, the TV shows, and merchandise aimed at girls and women. We're told we all have to look a certain way, or we're not as good as others.

I also don't like the word "slut," because men aren't judged with such harshness as women. Calling a man a slut doesn't really have the same effect, and society needs to view men and women equally, so while a few people being of the mind that men are just as bad (or not bad) for sleeping with a woman on the first date as the woman, we need to get society to accept that, or women will continue to be judged and sometimes lose out on opportunities because of these judgements. Men can sleep around and they get treated just fine, even called "studs" and "players," and women are just sluts. They're shut out of groups, whereas the men are still welcome.

^ yes i agree about the men hting. they are not treated like us. and we as a society are used to thinking so.

when i said that a woman who dressed like i don`t know what....i was saying she is thinking about te MAN hwo would look at her.
seems rare that women dress like that just because they like the way the look..... we women like making show offs..
AND SOME LIKE it more and some less.
but WHEN we are trying to make a show off we think others think of us and if we are YOUSED too mych to this there is a "disconneciton" or...how to explain it... you try to "be cool and beautiful" more than being YOURSELF.
now, i don`t say such women always have no self esteem! no! i say that we are sued to try to look so that others will like us. and sometimes we forget how unique we can be.

but BACK TO THE TOPIC
what i wanted was to TEST the men
see what THEY THINK AND FEEL ABOUTwomen who are like that.

i wanted to see if that was true. that`s why i posted this thread

It depends.
If he wants sex and she wants sex I guess than that it is perfectly normal thing that they have sex.
But generally speaking, something that is easy aka doesn't require effort isn't very interesting. Girls that are "hard to get" generally are more interesting because they require effort. Men that are more passive in nature, tend to seek these women, since they feel moved by them. Key is timing and real drive on both sides. What is the true motif to play hard or easy is the key question.

BTW - the only man I ever had sex intercourse with - I MARRIED!!!

hey Rap-that`s great. i wish it was my case!

"Girls that are "hard to get" generally are more interesting because they require effort"

yes taht`s what i was taugh as a teen and once i used to behave that way
but it was not only sexually, it was also the CALL thing..
i didn`t call him at all the first 2 month. heck he had to make an effort! i used only to unswer his calls and sms he sent me everyday then-i know it`s effect. but what REALLY doesn this give?

i hiope next time just to BE MYSELF and not to make such effort.

A lady can be sexy without having to show her body. Often, the mystery is more.

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Of course. But there's no shame in liking to show your body, either. Just be sure you're aware of the message you're sending to the person(s) you're trying to "speak" to. Of course, some of the judgements made about others are wrong, and shouldn't determine how you see yourself. Society needs to be changed in some cases, although that's not always easy to achieve.