SEX

So, I'm doing it- posting a sex question... I haven't seen many, if any, on here so bare with me.

I sometimes wonder if it is normal that couples fall into a habit of not having sex all that often. And what is often? Or a healthy amount? The people that I discuss this with are friends (who are in much newer relationships and doing it much more often) or friends/family with babies (who barely have time to do it!). I have been with my husband for 10 years (since senior year of high school), married for 2 1/2 years. It just seems like we both are often "tired" or just want to cuddle- which don't get me wrong, I often enjoy as much (or more!). Anyways, I don't like the idea of being stuck in a rut and I enjoy being looked at as a sexual being, it is just hard sometimes. So, I'll just come out and ask... 2-3 times a week, no kids, plenty of free time, is that in the realm of a healthy sex life?

I know we shouldn't compare to others or think in terms of what we "SHOULD" do, but I'm just curious.

I hope this isn't innapropriate...

you also might want to ask this in the sexual issues forum. good question. I too am in a 10 yr relationship going thru the same thing. but no where near 2 or 3 times a week

YES.... it is (and) it is considered normal after the passion of new love starts to wind down.

What is normal? - well that is hard to say for every ones needs are so different..... for me and after 20 years of marriage once or twice a week is normal.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
Did you know that there is a SEX THREAD on this FORUM now?

I didn't know there was a sexual issues forum here- sorry all!

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tiodlliwi said:
I didn't know there was a sexual issues forum here- sorry all!

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No Problem........ just PM a MOD and ask them to move it to the correct location for YOU..... since you did not know.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I have no idea what that even means...

i'd say 2-3 times a week is good....
my husband and i have been together for 10 years, married for 3-1/2 and we're more like 2 sometimes 3 times a month!! i think that mostly has to do with my depression and incredibly low self esteem...

There's also a very simlar thread in this forum about this topic. Must be a very popular topic!

Welcome to those who have just found the Sexuality forum!

~Rayna

*****Ok this is my opinion. Great Question BTW ******

Welcome to PC

I have been with my man for almost 1 year it seriously started out like a daily sometimes twice a day workout Now it's like 2-3 times a week. Ya know we get caught up in our lives and a kiss and holding each other seems like the only thing we have time for, but I can say we went a week and when it finally happened again it was Beautiful/Wonderful. Some people just don't really think about it or really care if they do it or not. I can say that either it happens or it doesn't. I am happy either way.

If you're happy, and he's happy, then it's normal. If no one's getting hurt and you're both satisfied, it's normal. But if one of you is dissatisfied, then you need to work on a compromise you can both be happy with. If one partner wants more, or one wants less, you probably would do best to try to find something in the middle. If one wants more AND one wants less, that's a little harder to fix. I'd suggest a sex therapist if nothing you try has worked, because I'm not one, and I don't know what to tell you, LOL!

In general, as far as passion goes, whether you're having a lot or a little, or in-between, or none at all, if you're both happy, then it's probably fine. However, if your libido is low (or his is), even if you're mentally fine with that, you should talk to your gynecologist to see if there's a physical reason. That certainly can happen. It can be for psychological reasons, too, and you should explore that, as well.

Marriage is work, and that includes the romance. Romance changes over time, but if you feel you're getting into a rut, work at it a little bit. Do something special for your husband, like hand the kids over to a babysitter for a night or a weekend, throw some rose petals around, put on some sexy lingerie, light some candles, and leave a note for your husband to follow the trail of rose petals...to you!

And he has to do romantic stuff like this from time to time for you, too, of course! It's not a one-way street!

i find alot of answers on the i village web site or red book and yes they are chic sites i hope you find the answers to you questions and alot more. some of there stuff is really good.

ivillage is excellent!!!!! I have found so many hints and tips as far as sex and dating and men and stuff go.....even though it is a chic site, I think it would be beneficial to men too. Just an example of what I found there, and I'm gonna try not to be graphic......I just typed in something like "tips for being better in bed" or something like that. So you can type in "tips for getting the heat back". I had forgotten ivillage. Thanks for mentioning that!

People have different sex drives. I for one am a cold fish. My bf of 7 years would be happy to do it everyday, but I will maybe be in the mood once a week or even less... There is no normal or abnormal, only what works for you. When we go away for weekends, it's a whole different story, then we take every chance we can get. But at home, not so often... once a week if he is lucky...

Sorry, I don't have a reference... But I've heard that twice a week is average for people who have been married for a while. That means some people do it considerably more and other people do it considerably less, but twice a week is average.

You don't get more 'normal' than average lol

I also want to add that, a sex life IS important to a good marriage, so even if both were allowing a no/little sex without an agreement to do so for a period of time, then it isn't healthy.

What I'm saying is that if the reasons for not having sex include anything such as depression or fatigue or even lack of time, then it's something that needs to be addressed, imo.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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A good sex life is composed of many things..... a soft touch, a gentle kiss, holding each other... sometime physical and mental difficulties can change the way that love making is thoghth about and done... You have to adjust to what your life is ..... everything you agree upon with your patner is normal....

sounds good to me..makes me envious. Try once a month..haha

I agree with Sky. But what's "average" isn't really important. As long as both partners are happy, that's what's important, but like Sky and I have said, even if both are satisfied without sex, both should get checked out for physical and/or mental causes for lack of desire. It could be dietary as well.

psych meds are a likely suspect...

Indeed. And a lot of people think it's a worthwhile price to pay (especially those who aren't on them or who don't consider sex all that important). I don't agree.