[curiousgirlfriend]

Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 months now. He's so sweet and very gentle and caring, so I was a bit surprised when I looked at his internet history on his phone and found that he looks at very disturbing porn. Being a porn watcher myself, I am totally understanding when it comes to guys watching porn, but this is stuff labeled "psycho killer porn" and rape porn where girls act out some pretty grim scenarios. One that I saw an image of last night was from a website where he looked at a series of pics. One of the blocks of pics was of a girl in a trunk who had something around her neck. It was obvious all of this was acting and the sites he goes to are specifically labeled "niche" and "fetish", but I'm a bit concerned. Should I keep dating this guy? Should I confront him? Other than this porn thing, he has never tried to make me fill his weird fantasies and is always incredibly aroused just by me with no bondage or any rape fantasies mentioned. Just wondering if I should be concerned about my safety, or if this might just be a very odd porn addiction. Thanks for your help on this!

Hello curiousgirlfriend: First, I want to say I'm an older person. So my opinions are likely to be skewed. Lots of people watch porn & have fetishes of various kinds. It's no big deal. On the other hand, you've been dating your bf for 2 months, it's possible he's just holding back. At some point some of this interest of his in violent porn may begin to appear.

Unfortunately, at this stage, there's no way to know. You could just gently ask him about it & see what he says & how he reacts. This may give you some sense of what part this plays in his life. (If he's comfortable talking about it, that may be a good sign. If he's uncomfortable & evasive, that may mean he's conflicted about the whole thing, & that could be a bad sign.) But ultimately you're not going to know how things will work out until you get there.

So, if the thought of having to deal with this sort of thing scares you, that may be a sign that this is not a relationship you want to continue to pursue. Good luck with this...

[ifst5]

My concern would be whether he has actually looked at real videos/images of rape before...to be honest there's no guarantee that a lot of the porn people are regularly exposed too is consensual (especially among the amateur varieties).

I would confront him on the matter and express plainly your confusion at so nice a person having fantasies which could be considered taboo even among more alternative sexual communities - i mean we all have kinks and fetishes but where exactly is the line drawn?

I hope you can progress with this issue safely and satisfactorily.

[anothercliché]

First question for me: why were you looking at his search history? If it was by accident I kind of get it but otherwise that's a huge violation of personal trust and in my opinion a big no no. Anyway what porn you watch has very little bearing on what you would like to experience in reality. They are fantasies, used to escape from reality and paint a picture that is intriguing because it is so different from the norm. While I don't watch a lot of videos and I never personally enjoyed even the thought of forcing someone into sex, nor "psycho killing" (Do you mean John Wayne Gacy or more Jason Voorhees?) I do enjoy very out of the box stuff, but know it won't happen in real life.

Go with your gut feeling and leave this guy he maybe sweet but that dose not mean he won't hurt you . How many times do you hear in the news someone says oh he was such a nice guy never thought he would kill his g/f .

My advice leave fast before your in to deep who knows what this guy will do if you ever got him mad .

[geez]

I would have a problem with rape porn. I don't think it's acceptable for a guy to get off on watching a woman get raped.

I would be with a guy who's into fantasizing about pleasuring a woman.

Early in a relationship people put their best foot forward. To me his 'watching materials' is a big red flag.

[allme]

I am conflicted here because on one hand, this porn or his fantasies are not a problem in itself as long as long as it only stays as fantasy. Also, there is only an actual problem if he watches films in which this stuff is real. If he is truly able to keep it all in world fantasy, that in itself is not a problem.

I don't think anyone here can tell you for sure whether this means he has a potential to do this stuff himself or is a danger to you.

I am going to admit something now that I never have...I used to get off on rape fantasies..and I would be the one raped...HOWEVER, I have NO ACTUAL desire to be raped...I have a few idea why I fantasied about this which I wont go into now.

This may be the case with your boyfriend but no one here can truly know why and if it is a problem or dangerous.

The only way you are going to explore this, is to speak to him about it. How you bring it up (considering you went through his phone with is another issue in itself!) is down to you but I think it healthy for you both to talk about it.

[seraphic]

I would be very, very uncomfortable.

[A18793715]

I'm the same exact way but I don't think it means it something wrong with me. There's all kinds of fetishes. Even dressing up like a baby.

The thing that people do not understand is when your fantasizing something and enjoying it and if the person is unstable they have a very good chance of wanting it to become a
reality .
How many times do you hear a killer say .. I fantasizing killing people I had that desire well if you feed that desire , fetishes , whatever you want to call it will become a reality .

Just because you think about it dose not mean it's right to do so . You have to be careful what you put in your mind because once the seed is there it grows and can become a monster !

[anothercliché]

Originally Posted by Nature1968

The thing that people do not understand is when your fantasizing something and enjoying it and if the person is unstable they have a very good chance of wanting it to become a
reality .
How many times do you hear a killer say .. I fantasizing killing people I had that desire well if you feed that desire , fetishes , whatever you want to call it will become a reality .

Just because you think about it dose not mean it's right to do so . You have to be careful what you put in your mind because once the seed is there it grows and can become a monster !

Key phrase: if they're unstable.
A sane or at least reasonably sane person has the capacity to define fact from fantasy, and thus such videos are pure escapism as opposed to wish fulfilment. For example I play civilization 5, not because I want to conquer the world under my will and commit mass genocide from time to time for the greater good and/ or because I'm fickle and bored but because I have little power in the real world, thus PLAYING THE ROLE of someone with a lot of power is a fun escape. Would I ever want to be a dictator? Hell no, that's a lot of paper work! But the psychological thrill of pretending to e someone I'm not and putting myself into a scenario I don't plan on living is stimulating. Same as playig the survivor of an apocalypse, playing the role of a gladiatorial killer, or a ninja assassin. Not things I want to be, but roles that are fun to play.
So long as you trust his grip on sanity I'd say you're relatively safe (all humans are dangerous to some degree in my book), but if you were questioning of it before then you should have some concerns.
Also why were you going through his phone?

Originally Posted by curiousgirlfriend

One of the blocks of pics was of a girl in a trunk who had something around her neck.

You have been with him for 2 months = You do not know him.
Do u want to end up in the trunk too ?

[Blitter2014]

If you are disturbed by his activities you have already answered your own question.

Better to be alone than with the wrong person.....