Was this possibly gay? What does all this mean?

Hello. This explanation of what happened to me is a bit long, but I had to make it this way in order to explain a psychological experience I've never had before. Please bare with me here, this amazes me, and I really have to know what this is.

Alright, I am 29 years old, male, I consider myself straight, and I'm not attracted to men at all. This is because I don't like all the hairiness, and the bulky masculine appearance. I am totally into women, I love their beautiful hair, eyes, and everything about them.

So anyways, I am into watching anime & hentai, and I am in a hentai role playing community. Its kind of like cyber sex, only that you're playing as a specific role and character in order to get yourself and your partner stimulated. So in other words, you're controlling a character that's having sex with someone else's character, but in text form.

I had this really dark and twisted role play that I wanted to try, and the setting was two guys in magic school that had to practice a spell that would change their entire appearance and gender into a woman. This was part of the homework, and requires a lot of thought and meditation. The key to make yourself change over is to think like a woman, feel like a woman, and all this and only like a woman (e.g. not wanting sex as much, not into sharing their boyfriend/husband, etc.) For those that watch Naruto, you'll know what I'm referring to.

So this one guy that was 18 wanted to try this role play with me, and he said he was curious because it was something that sounded new and different. He also claimed he was straight, and wasn't attracted to men at all. When we started the story, we both changed over into females through transformation, and began to have lesbian sex on the beach in our new forms. This was both our first time role playing with the same sex, and we both admitted we were pretty nervous doing this.

The scenes were very graphical, such as licking, sucking, touching boobs, and moving our feet across the sand. What started to creep us out a little was that we no longer felt like men in our subconscious minds when we were doing this. We actually completely felt like women that were having sex as if we were in some sort of hypnotic trance. Another thing that was interesting was that we didn't feel an ounce of being gay or homo, and we actually felt more masculine. In other words, it felt "straighter than straight".

While we were going at it, I even felt a small bit of emotional response inside me. With the sun setting in the ocean, and us being on the sand, I felt very attached to his character. Perhaps not an "in love" feeling, but on a very small level of it. He told me not to feel this way, because we would have to eventually change back into our male forms.

Later in the story, he wanted to change back into a male and penetrate me in female form. I allowed him, and he came all over my face, and later in my mouth. This also didn't feel gay, because I was still in female form.

We were highly stimulated, and we even came TWICE while doing this. Being men, we agreed that its hard to get an orgasm twice in the same masturbation session. Once we were done, we changed back into our male forms, and laughed at the whole thing. We saw ourselves as men again, and ended the role play. We were so sexually stimulated that we want to do this again soon.

I'm just curious to ask anyone that has any experience in psychology, and I had two questions. First off, why is that we didn't feel any gay tendencies doing this, and felt that it was very straight and legit? There were no dicks rubbing against dicks, and balls against each other's. Just pussies, tits, nice legs, and everything else like that. The penetration part also felt legit.

Second, what was with the creepy feeling of us not feeling like men anymore, and feeling like women? Did we tap into our subconscious minds that caused us to think and act a certain way? It just absolutely blows my mind that I seriously felt like a woman doing this, and lost my identity. I mean, I was feeling this way AS I was typing in the real world, not just in the fantasy role play. He felt the same exact way, and was creeped out. He did however claim that he felt like a male again when he changed back first. I did as well after I changed again.

Yes, I'm just looking for answers, and have never had this experience before. Thanks for reading, and I'm looking forward to hearing some replies. I will NEVER ever forget this experience, EVER. I really want to do it again, its very twisted.

I do not watch hentai, Naruto etc. so I have absolutely no clue as to the subject matter and details, but on a general level, I do not see anything unusual in what you described. Shakespearean theater (men playing women), Middle Age carnivals etc. - there is a long history of men assuming the roles of women. The reverse is also true - women dressed as men to serve in the army, women taking male pen names to get published, etc. The name for the adoption of a fictional character as if it were real and playing it out is mystification. Your case is a little different in that two men adopted the roles of two females and both knew about it - but still this seems to be part of that age old tendency to role play and is not indicative of either your being gay or the other man's being gay.

So basically, two men watching porn, but controlling the characters. But really, do you know anything about the trance part?

I do a lot of writing RPGs in my free time and when choosing a character I often prefer writing male character as opposed to female characters. This doesn’t make me any less feminine or any more masculine in my opinion. When I sit down to write one of my men I get into a place that not only makes me feel like my thinking is different but a lot more masculine all together.

Does this make me gay for writing a guy in the first place or even writing out sex scenes with female characters? I don’t think it has anything to do with my sexuality; it’s fictional writing and nothing more, not a basis for sexual preference. I just enjoy writing male characters and being able to act and think in a different way that is outside my norm.

I don’t think you have anything to worry about, it’s a hobby that you’re having fun with. Enjoy it, and worry less about your sexuality and what this story means to you as a human being.

Happy writings!

No, I do not - I only know of the general, centuries-old tendency towards role play and play in general - fictional writing etc. I think the answer you got from "Are you suffering?" covers your question in depth and comes from someone with more first hand experience in this kind of a genre.

If you think of this as a genre, and just that, then hopefully all your worries will dissipate.