[Secretum]

There is a woman I know, several years older than me. She has only dated men, but when I mentioned to her that I'm bi, she said that she thought she might like girls in college, but that she doesn't think she is queer anymore. We've known each other for a long time, and a few years back I was really in love with her. I've suspected that she feels the same way about me, but I always thought she was straight.

So is it possible to think that you are attracted to women at one point in your life and then never feel that way again, without being in denial?

[seraphic]

Sure. Sexuality can definitely change over time, as can the way people view their sexuality (for instance, I used to consider myself sexually attracted to men, and don't anymore - I'm not sure if my attraction changed or I "realized" I'm not into men, or what, but the bottom line is I dated men and don't anymore). I also think it's a pretty common thing for people to be occasionally attracted to one or two people outside the gender they are by "default" attracted to, while for the most part still being primarily hetero/homosexual.

Another (sadder) possibility is that she could have suppressed her queerness, because that's a thing society encourages us to do. Especially if a woman has had relationships with men, attraction to other women can be something that's difficult to bring up or, well, act on. In college I dated a guy for three years, and as a result I started to feel really out of touch with the side of me that was into girls. I don't think that's a form of denial, necessarily.

Would you be interested in pursuing a relationship with her if she was into women?

[LiteraryLark]

Oh definitely, both me and my best friend went through a bi phase and we both grew out of it.

[norwegianwoman]

It is said that women's sexuality is more "fluent" than men's. I know quite a lot of women who've slept or at least messed around with other women, some have even dated women for a short while once. I like to think that women are simply more open-minded, but that might be a very sexist thought, so let's leave it at that. :P I have also been curious as to how it is to be with a girl, and I find women more physically pleasing/attractive than men, but I don't feel any sexual attraction or have ever had any romantic feelings for women, so I doubt I am anything but straight (sadly, I might add, I convince myself it would be easier sometimes although the truth probably is the opposite). I think it is quite normal for women to go through a phase of this, yes, and some realize they are gay/bi, others realize it is just a temporary thing.

[bixkf]

Sexuality in anyone is in a fluid state. Some people will obviously state that they've been pegged at 100% str8 or 100% gay their whole lives, but those that are willing to accept that they are somewhere in the spectrum between 100% gay and 100% str8 know that their interests and preferences can wax and wane over time.
I personally would have considered myself str8 until just after puberty. However, after puberty (around 15yo) I discovered a desire to explore sexually and started with my best friend. For the next few years I was basically gay even though I really didn't attach any label to it. Through university and up to my marriage I considered myself bisexual because I was open to a relationship (mainly sexually) with either gender. Throughout my almost 20 year marriage I've been mostly heterosexual, however as intimacy levels have dropped between my wife and I, my preferences has shifted back to men, to the point that I consider myself a homosexual bisexual.

So yes, it is more than possible to grow out of something, provided the growing is "internal" and not based on outside pressures.

[Webgoji]

In my opinion, sexuality isn't some black and white thing. It's a long band of gray. Some people can be dead-on homosexual, others can be dead-on heterosexual, but most people fall somewhere in the middle; a sliding scale if you will. They'll have interests that pop up from time to time like being a little bi-curious or something that will go away and re-emerge.